Now He Needs Her
by VerelLupin
Summary: John has been steadily pushing Cameron away. The good news he's succeded...the bad news now he needs her. Some language - J/C
1. Pushed

I was listening to Now You Tell Me by Jordin Sparks.

This was born...Strange plotbunny--- what can I say?

This takes place after the "Earthlings Welcome Here"...I'll make it a chaptered story.

I'll probably do Cameron's side of it.

Enjoy

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This was the third night this week, that he knew of.

Since Reily's accident, he had nothing else to occupy his mind and had taken to watching Cameron's every move.

**'Her accident,' **John snorted. People sure were having lots of accidents around him. He didn't want to dwell on that tonight. Cameron was going somewhere and coming home late and he wanted to know where she was spending her nights. More importantly he wanted to know with whom. **'Great something else to give me more nightmares than I already have.'**

He derailed that train of thought as Cameron tucked her favorite 9mm into her waistband. She left the safety of the porch and began to jog towards downtown. He waited a few minutes then covertly started up the truck. She might hear the engine but it was a risk he had to take.

Cameron would cover alot of ground fast making it impossible for John to catch her on foot.

He was tailing Cameron for a myrid of reasons. All of them had to do with the security of the Connor Household or so he told himself.

She was his protector and he'd be damned if he'd go to sleep with her out there somewhere. Who knew what was else was being sent after him. He didn't bother to point out to himself that he was leaving Sarah and Derek alone and unawares just by following Cam.

All that mattered was that she had sworn to be at his side and he was going to make her keep that promise. Plus his future self had sent her back for a reason. She was his no matter what and he hated when his things went missing. None of it touched on the overwhelming feelings that bubbled everytime she stood too close to him.

It had nothing to do with the words I love you or the trusting look she had giving him as she handed back the gun and he helped her out of the ruined jeep. Nope none of it have to do with how she had crawled onto his bed as if she belonged there. How her form had been perfectly and neatly aligned with his. The split second he had considered letting her convince him to not go to Mexico.

That particular image had haunted his days and nights.

She stopped at a donut shop. Apparently Cam was a regular as the owner didn't bother to listen to her very specific order. "Two chocolate glaze, a maple bar and two buttermilk with chocolate drizzle."

"Better go easy on the chocolate, sweetheart." The older lady behind the counted remarked.

Cameron paid for the donuts and almost walked out but she shouted back, "I'll tell my sweetheart."

John's eyes went to a slit at her choice of words. He figured it was safe to move and ran to the truck putting it into gear. Staying parked and doing nothing while standing outside of a shop lurking was a great way to be noticed. He didn't want to be accused of stalking her. If the cops were involved and caught him chasing her, John was pretty sure they wouldn't believe he was merely looking out for his sister.

Especially not with the shotgun under the seat and the glock in his waistband. The burning green eyed gaze that he was shooting at her would probably not help either. It was nowhere near close to being brotherly, its intent was proprietary and very animalistic. It proclaimed how she belonged to him and only him.

**'She wasn't going to have any sweethearts if he had anything to say about it.'** Talk about irony, a few days ago he hadn't even acknowledged her and now he was ready to beat the crap out of the asshole that was taking up her time. It was official, he was completely screwed up.

She walked for what seemed several miles while he lagged behind her. He couldn't gauge properly how far she'd gone as he was in the truck. Cameron finally halted at the front of a massive four story building. She stopped at the bottom of the steps scanning the area. John crouched low near the wheel wondering why she was just standing there.

**'Was she malfunctioning again, was Allison about to re emerge?'** His worry was short lived as Cameron decided on a course of action and put the bag down. She adjusted her skirt so it was just a tiny bit higher. Her favorite purple jacket tied delicately at the waist showing off a much too tight tank top. She finished by fluffing her hair and putting on a becoming smile.

He wasn't particurlarly pleased about the outfit but that smile hurt. **'His smile.' **The one she usually reserved for him. The one that had first made its apperance three years ago on that long ago first day of school back in that hick town.

She moved up the stairs and knocked on the door, waiting politely. The door swung open and a woman peered out. Seeing Cameron she beamed and held the door wide open. John was puzzled, **'who was the woman?'**

Cameron stepped through and disappeared. John was still in the truck occasionally dozing off and on. He woke up groggily but managed to glance at his watch to see how much time had gone by since she had entered the building. "Shit, it's been at least three hours. What the hell is she doing?" he muttered.

Getting out of the truck he popped the crick in his back and made a beeline for the door. His patience had been non-existent lately and her obvious deceit had just about pushed him over the edge. He was just about to pound on the door when it swung open. Cameron emerged out and into John's chest.

"What are you doing here?" she snapped.

He stared askance at her. His carefully built reprimand dying in the wake of her accusing tone. Cameron had never questioned him, she offered suggestions or cut him off but never questioned. She would just blurt out whatever was on her mind and he would correct her but that wasn't the nature of their relationship anymore. Something that was strictly his fault.

The conversation they'd had before his birthday floated back to him.

_"Do you lie to me?"_

_"Sometimes."_

_"About important things?"_

_"Yes, about important things."_

He was still standing there like a complete idiot blocking her way.

"I was studying," she replied to his narrowed gaze.

"At 3:00 in the morning?" He glared down at her but she just blinked those brown eyes of hers innocently.

"It's a library, John."

"Not at 3:00 in the morning, it isn't. Who was that woman?" he tried again.

"A friend."

"So you can have friends but I can't right," he snarled.

"I am not important. You are." she concluded and sidestepped past him.

He would have left it alone. He would have walked with her and ignored the hint of jealousy creeping down his spine. He would have ignored her for a few days and not felt guilty at all. Sadly things in his universe where never ever simple and Cameron was the most complicated of all his problems.

"Cammi, you forgot your book." A deep male voice shouted out to her.

She turned on her heel and pivoted with the grace of a dancer. Her lifted lips immediately loosened his inner rage. **'Who the hell was she greeting like that?'**

"Thank you Eric," she answered and lightly ran up the library stairs to the man in the wheelchair.

For a moment John felt ashamed. How could he think that Cameron would do anything remotely sexual. She had only shown such interest in him and only because she was trying to weasel something out of him. At least he assumed it wasn't out of genuine desire, he had no idea how sophisticated her wiring was. Besides after he shot her down she had virtually ignored the male population, himself included.

"You stopping by tomorrow?" the man named Eric asked before taking notice of John standing awkwardly with his hands in his pockets. "Can I help you?"

John clenched his fists as "Eric" moved his wheelchair closer to Cameron. An aggressive stance to protect his female.

"Oh, Eric. This is John. He's my brother." Mollified Eric nodded at John dropping the alpha male attitute. Annoyed to be introduced as such John was obliged to nod back, he couldn't show jealousy over her now. "John, this is Eric. My friend," Cameron supplied throwing Eric a sweet look.

"Cam, we need to go. Mom will go ballistic if she finds you gone again." John said through gritted teeth.

"I won't keep you but if you need anything you know where I am." Eric propelled himself back to the library. "Oh, nice to meet you John."

"Yeah, same here." John said sarcastically. Eric looked at him oddly.

"Bye. I'll see you tomorrow. Same as always." Cameron replied steering Eric's attention away from John.

The doors closed and she hopped down the last few steps with her book in hand.

"How long has this been going on?" John couldn't resist asking.

"Not long." Cameron opened the door of the truck and climbed in.

John got a long look at Cameron's legs before slamming the door closed. She didn't talk to him the entire ride home choosing to ignore him instead. He clenched his jaw as the scene kept replaying in his mind. Cameron just sat there humming along to the radio oblivious to the heated glares coming from John.

They made it to their house and walked in just as Sarah was coming back from the kitchen. Glass of water and handgun in hand. "Where the hell have you two been?" she shouted not bothering to lower her volume for Derek who was asleep on the couch.

John saw his mother eye him and Cameron up and down. Satisfied that neither one looked rumpled or stimulated in any shape or form, Sarah nodded her head and told them to go to bed, separately of course.

Cameron observed Sarah until she vanished upstairs. John just stood there while she did a quick perimeter sweep then immediately double checked all the doors and windows assuring that they were locked. Knowing her routine and that she would go change before doing another walkthrough in a few hours, John blocked her as she headed to the banister.

Surprised she stopped. Again everything he had rehearsed in his head died at her earnest look. He hated when she regarded him like that, like his word was the only law she would obey. Since no sound was forthcoming Cameron pushed forward and began the climb to her room. John snapped from his stupor and halted her once more. This time in the form of his hand on her wrist.

"I don't want you to see him again. He might find out about us."

Cameron tilted her head and shrugged. She tugged at her hand lightly but John had not relinquished his hold. "I mean it. End whatever you have with that guy." John commanded quietly.

"Why? You said you don't care what I do." Cameron answered forcing him to let go, "I protect you, that is my job. Eric helps with that."

John stayed at the bottom of the stairs getting one last glean before she made it to the upstairs landing. Her skirt hid nothing from his view but it wasn't the lean mile long length of legs that made his blood boil. It was the red marks on the back of her thighs, marks that if he measured would match a wheelchair perfectly.

John went to bed but spent the rest of the night angrily staring at the ceiling trying not to think about what Cameron was doing to insure Eric's co-operation. Whatever she was doing was for his benefit and that was what killed John.


	2. Bound

It'll be a multi-chapter.

Obviously nothing belongs to me, though I desperately wish I did.

Song featured (Everything I'm Not_ By The Veronicas)

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**Several Days Earlier **

Cameron was a prisoner, she'd been a prisoner for the last few years.

She was bound by a set of circumstances that kept her in a suspended emotional state. She was bound by her programming and kept prisoner by the constant vigilance on that little blinking light that begged her to terminate John Connor.

Burdened and held back by protocols set in motion by her adoptive father.

By General Connor of the year 2027. The Connor that had treated her human counterpart as his daughter. Guided by the guilt he had felt at falling in love with a cybernetic machine that resembled his beloved daughter, John added the necessary human element to insure that young John would fall for her.

She was trapped by the steps and rules he had outlined for her when she finally met him as a teenager. Programmed to not spill certain secrets.

But while Alison Young had been his child, Cameron Phillips had been his woman. It had taken a lot of persuasion on her part and weakness on his. She could have terminated him right then and there but somewhere along the code a spark of Alison had pushed her empathy.

Cameron had let down her guard and handed him the key to destroying her creator. That John had seen a glimpse that had nothing to do with the young girl from Palmdale and he was able to let go and mourn her properly. His love bound her loyalty to that John.

She succumbed to the cannibalizing of her circuits at his hands and she had emerged a unique prototype for the future of civilized living between humans and the converted terminators that had no home. Cameron was constrained by the prejudices of his men and John barely ever had a chance to kiss her and only a few times managed to lay down his burden beside her.

If she could have controlled her emotional breakthroughs she would have sobbed. A new time and a new chance but it was the same prison. She still had to battle for a chance to prove herself to his mother and uncle. To him. If wasn't enough to protect him because she could go bad again.

Cameron was held up by the possibility of going rogue. The responsibility of killing the hope of mankind if he did not take her out like he should if she did again. And now Riley. She had to put up with that lying sack of human wreckage because she made John happy because if he was happy he would not attempt to self terminate again.

He had pushed her away and tied her up in mean and snide remarks. A captive to the new emotions that had begun to leak out of her when her core had gone belly up in that jeep. Leaving her personality stunted and isolated while he gallivanted with the blonde terror as often as he felt like. Nevermind that she would occasionally get flashes on her network that would replace his youthful face with that of the older but more tempered John. Flashes that had begun mixing the two.

Frozen by the declaration that always cut through all her Skynet systems...._'Regardless of what I say, I do love you Cam. I'll protect you.'_

A declaration that no longer seemed feasible.

Eric had been a wonderful way to do her duties without having to endure the work that it took to stay just an extra piece in John's life. He had taught her that people would not take things at face value as long as even a kernel of deceitfulness was present.

It was a lucky break that she had run into him. Though Cameron knew that luck was a human belief to alleviate the harshest of circumstances, she attributed her run in with the librarian as such. Eric had been wheeling himself out of the hospital just as Cameron had returned to bring John the energy drink that would keep him from crumbling to the floor.

Eric had ignored her but her simulators had picked up on his irritation. She did not reach out to scan him but there was a 78% chance that his cancer had gone into remission. She had not done him wrong, in fact she had been a great help by telling him that his cancer had returned. Her sensors rushed through her human interaction bio rhythms.

He was angry at her. Cameron continued on her way but noted which way Eric went.

"John, your energy drink. This will keep you from crashing."

John didn't take the drink or acknowledge her at all. She sat next to him and opened the can offering it up to him. He glanced at it then at her. The disgust at her crimson coated self reflected in his eyes. John got up and propped himself on the wall five feet away, his back to her.

His eye line had flickered to her outfit prior to his abandoment. She looked down at herself. Riley's blood coated her shirt and the top of her pants. "Riley lost copious amounts of blood but she survived her attempt at self-termination. Her blood on my shirt is but evidence of her unsuccessful attempt." Cameron said to him.

John stared ahead but his words were aimed at her, "only a terminator would consider an attempted suicide as unsuccessful. Go away Cameron."

"You are here, it does not make sense to send me elsewhere." Her core flinched at his terminalogy of her---a machine.

"Go do something other than guarding me. I don't want you near Riley or me right now."

"What do you want me to do John?" Cameron asked ignoring the flashing on her HUD that outlined that her mission directives were not affected by John Connor, age 16.

"I don't care what you do. Just leave me in peace." He sighed ending the conversation.

Cameron blanked her expression and took the can from her previous seat. She dropped it in the trash receptacle missing the look of surprise on John's face at her obedience. Having no direct destination she wandered down the street and past several store fronts.

Some were dilapidated and empty but some still had a few people milling around. She approached a window display that outlined the low, low prices of several electronic devices. All name brands at crazy prices and such.

Her scanner analyzed the potential of said electronics. Most were low quality and were not worth the price that they were advertised for. Cameron eyed the Ipod display and scanned it. It had sufficient memory and decent speed. Its battery was satisfactory and it was small and easy to conceal. It had potential as a weapon.

She entered the store and was immediately approached by a salesperson. The man named Rick grinned. She brought up her subroutines of smart pretty teenage girl. She inquired about the Ipods but calculated she did not have enough cash to buy it.

The man seeing that she was not a customer moved on to someone else. Cameron intrigued by the small electronic experimented with it. She opened up something called Youtube. A list of recommended videos popped up and Cameron pressed it.

It was a music video. She silently observed the two woman in the video, the woman sang into a camcorder while the image of a man came out of a side door with a female beside him. Looking about she saw a guy put in a tiny white lumps of plastic in his ear.

She spotted the ones on hers and began the video over again. She listened to the words and felt a sudden understanding of the emotions of the girl singing. In fact as she looked closely Cameron realized that the man resembled John in stature and general build and the girl beside him was blond like Reily.

Cameron turned up the volume and listened to the lyrics closely.

**Oh no don't go changing, that's what you told me from the start,**

**Thought you were something different, that's when it all just fell apart.**

_"You needed to get close to me, it's just the way you're pro…programmed. What model are you? Are you new? You seem... different."_

_"I am different."_

**Like you're so perfect and I can't measure up.**

**But I'm not perfect, just all messed up.**

_Her HUD blinked the command -------Subject Identified: John Connor ------Terminate._

_The flash of heat as the explosion engulfed her in flames throwing her back._

**I was losing myself in somebody else but now I see**

**I don't want to pretend so this is the end of you and me**

_"I'm good now. I'm good. I ran a test. Everything's perfect. I'm perfect."_

_Sarah shouted, "John."_

_"I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry that wasn't me. You have to understand it wasn't me---- Listen to me, I don't want to go. Please John, Please. You can trust ---_

_"John Connor!" Sarah screamed his name._

_"I love you, I love you please--- I love you John and you love me!"_

**'Cause the girl that you want, she was tearing us apart.**

_"You know I'm gonna continue to see Riley. Even if everybody thinks it's a bad idea."_

_"She's lying, her pulse was elevated," she confronted him._

_"Her pulse was elevated because you were freaking her out as usual."_

_"I can get her to tell me the truth," she offered._

_"Stay away from her," John commanded._

**'Cause she's everything, everything I'm not.**

_"Riley. Riley answer me!" ----John turned to her. "Open it." She didn't move and John told her again, "Now." She broke the frame and he rushed to pick Riley up._

_He held Riley in his arms but stared at Cameron._

Cameron's screen scrolled scene after scene, all of it coded in data line. She yanked the headphones and threw them at the table eliciting a gasp from the people around them. "I hate that song," she replied and left the store.

Cameron systems were spiking. The large amounts of data triggered by the song leap frogging over each other until a warning beeped.

/:/://////: ------Error:…..Processing Error: 25613161-69.----- Shut down imminent.

10...09...08...07...06...05...04...03...02...01------------------Shutdown immediate____________________

Startup......command....iniciated------

Systems check ________________protocol Liberty 2036------authorization sequence........done.

All systems functional:------

"Are you ok?" Cameron stared up into the bearded face of one, Eric Michaels.

"I am running at full potential."

Eric chuckled and helped up the deceptively heavy girl. "That's nice to hear. Wish we could all say that."

She rose and sat on his lap, well on the actual metal frame of the chair. Her hand gripped his hair, "You illness is in remission."

"It creeps me out when you do stuff like that. Why do have to be such a freak." He answered goodnaturedly.

"John always shouts at me about that." Cameron said rising off his chair, one hand going for the absent chain on her neck.

"I'm sorry. I was just joking but you do act a bit strange," he replied. "So why where you at the hospital?"

"John's....girlfriend attempted suicide." Eric made a startled face but was cut off before he could ask, "she failed."

Eric wasn't sure why Cameron looked so morose but apparently this John person was important to her. "I'm working at the library again, if you feel you need to get away. You can find me there."

"Am I still your friend?" It was such a bizarre yet sad question and Eric could see that this girl was very much alone in a world that didn't understand her. He knew from experience how cruel an existence that could be.

"Yes, just don't follow me to the bathroom or tell me anything about...my illness. Deal?"

Cameron tilted her head and nodded pleased to be friends again. "Can I tell you about mine?"

"Uh...um...ok. What's wrong with you?" Eric was willing to bite. He was almost beginning to regret befriending the strange girl again.

"I lost something very important but I don't know what it is," the childish fear was strange especially coming from her teenage persona.

"Was it your necklace?" he asked pointing to her hand which was still at her throat. If he wanted to unravel the mystery that was Cameron, he would have to play by her rules.

She looked confused and for a second her eyes seemed to glow a brilliant blue much bluer than was humanly possible. "Yes, it was my necklace. I got it at this tight shop in Echo Park."

"Who took it?"

Cameron's eyes welled up with tears, "John. He ripped it off and threw it away."

"Come on. We'll go get you a new one if you help me organize the microfish files tonight," he offered her.

"Deal."

John came out of the emergency room just missing Cameron walking away with somebody else.


	3. Abuse

**What awesome reviews. **

**I will strive to keep it as true to the show as possible. **

**I'll probably have one more chapter before the new episode. I will fix the story to fit accordingly. **

**Enjoy...**

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John's short sleep was interrupted by the aggressive pounding on his door. Whoever was breaking down his door had better have a hell of a good reason, John thought as he stumbled to answer. He was swearing that it better be news that Judgement Day had arrived early or that Cameron had gotten loose in the head and gone on a rampage or he'd for sure shoot somebody.

Either way he was not in the mood to deal with anybody's shit. Especially if it related to Cameron. He was still pissed at her for lying about her whereabouts.

Following their encounter at the bottom of the stairs, Cameron had disappeared into her room and John had laid in his bed for hours on end fruitlessly making up excuse after excuse why he shouldn't give a damm as to where or who she was dedicating so much time to.

**A Few Hours Earlier**

_He had egged himself off his sorry ass and dragged it downstairs to veg out in front of the tube since sleep was refusing to be near him. Maybe there was a cheesy western on which he would watch with some seriously buttered popcorn._

_He was so enthused with his imaginary snack that much to his embarrassment he had come face to face or at least face to leg with the terminator torturing his dreams. His face and Cameron's leg to be exact._

_He had a vague idea that it was extended in something he was sure was from her ballet practices. Unfortunately that message had been waylaid as the blood to his brain had rushed elsewhere due to the pajamas she wasn't wearing._

_"What the hell are you doing?" John shouted at her, once his voice had returned from the ceiling where his eyes were no doubt still glued._

_She immediately dropped her stance once again glaring balefully at him. It was the same look she had thrown him back at the library._

_"Ballet, John. It keeps me limber." she said and demonstrated unaware of the glazed rapture of the teen before her. "Why are you up? You need at least 7 to 8 hours to be at maximum capacity."_

_"That is not a problem right now, Cam. Believe me," he muttered under his breath._

_Figuring that discretion was the better part of valor, John practically ran into the kitchen intent of finding his popcorn and rushing back to his room._

_"What do you need? Do you require assistance?"_

_You know that little voice that tells you not to do things. The one that lives to pull your butt out of trouble. John had been ignoring said voice for the past few months. Actually he had been ignoring it since he had met Riley to be precise but that was neither here nor there._

_At that precise moment when the voice was screaming into his ear not to look up he did. He had knelt down on his sock clad feet to better search the pantry. Cameron had as usual ignored his rule about personal space and had squeezed herself in the tiny space between him and the door. It would not have been all bad if at that moment Derek had not returned roaring drunk and mumbling about Pizza._

_John had been giving a clear shot of Cam's tight toned belly from her oversized shirt, a shirt that looked like it was his. By the time he stopped thinking of Cameron sleeping in nothing but his shirt, Derek had spotted Cameron and pushed her into the pantry. Laughing in the way that only happens when you're totally thrashed. _

_"Ha, Ha, Get out of that metal." Derek cackled from the other side of the now locked door._

_Now Cameron could have easily ripped the door off the hinges and let them both out but given the fact that; _

_**a) Derek was passed out in front of said door. **_

_**b) John was in boxers and socks while Cameron was clearly wearing one of his shirts and what he hoped were really short shorts. **_

_**c) He had just gotten caught not more than a few hours ago by his own mother with Cameron in tow. **_

_**d) Cameron's very slim but heavy coltan frame was now laying completely sprawled over him.**_

_well thinking and acting were not really his forte at the moment. He was pondering wether he was either really lucky or really cursed._

_"John, why are you attempting to grab me?" Cameron whispered into his ear._

_"I need you to move a bit so I can scoot out from underneath you." John hissed back. **'Cursed! He was cursed! She was wearing ruffled underwear, for pete's sake who wears ruffled underwear? Maybe it was a preference** **of his in the future, Oh God. He was a pervert in the future. How else would Cameron know to pick stuff like this out.'**_

_Fearing he might pass out if he continued in that vein of thinking he focused instead on keeping his body as flat to the ground as possible._

_"Oh, thank you for explaining." she replied and attempted to leverage herself into a more convenient position to allow John to maneuver around her._

_He wiggled out sorta off but his legs were going to be pinned under her regardless of what position he tried. "Don't worry I wasn't trying to cope a feel." John mumbled._

_"I know. I know what a feel feels like." Cameron replied. Her back was pressed against the door and her legs were bent at the knee and over John's._

_"What….why would you know that?" John asked momentarily forgetting that he and his protector were in a very compromising situation which could lead to dismemberment for her and a possible throw down with his warrior mother for him._

_"Eric, explained it. He told me I should be careful when I walk home from the library. That there are men who would try to take advantage of a pretty girl like me." Cameron said._

_"He told you that you were pretty?" John asked completely passed the point of caring if they were caught._

_"No, he did not." John breathed a sigh of relief , "he said I was beautiful."_

_John stared at Cameron in disbelief. She looked pleased. **'How could she look so pleased. What had happened to the terminator that had sworn that he, John Connor was her life?' **_

_"Break down the door, Cameron." John commanded coldly._

_"Your uncle is sitting on the other side, I could hurt him. I can remove the hinges and turn the door…"_

_"I don't give a crap what you do to the freaking door. Just do it." John snapped._

_Cameron complied with the request and John escaped as soon as his legs could carry him. He hadn't looked behind him at Cameron's hurt expression or Derek's bewildered one. He just had to get away._

That had been several hours ago and while he had beat himself up for being an asshole to Cameron he had not let go of the anger that she was apparently learning things from other people, from another guy.

**'Could it be that she was truly only seeing him as asset to protect. A human weapon to care for at all cost. Was there any part of her that cared for him at all?'**

John allowed the person to bang on the door once more before he finally opened it, "What? What the hell do you want? I'm up aren't I?" John bellowed satisfied to have an outlet for the famous Connor temper.

"What were you and the machine doing all holed up in that room?" Derek asked pining John to the far left wall so as not to be seen by either Sarah or Cameron.

"Why do you care, Reese?"

"Jeez, John are you outta of your skull. She is a not a she. It is a metal machine that has tried to kill you once and you're trying to play doctor with it? Has your mother not told you enough times what those things can be capable of ?"

"You know so far, "she" has saved all of our skins more times than I can count. Yours included." John ground out delivering a hard right to his uncle's stomach. "I'm not playing anything. I got stuck in there with her because you came home drunk and locked her in there with me. Not that I have to explain it to you since last I checked I'm still John Connor and I don't answer to you."

"You're not that Connor yet. You're still a snot nosed kid that doesn't know shit." Derek said grabbing John's arm and twisting it behind his back. He ground John into the wall and growled into his ear, "I'm not your dad or your mom so I will kick you ass if you pull another stunt like that. That thing will kill you if it goes bad and it won't bother to think that you've been playing with it. Got me!"

With his free hand John pinched the skin between Derek's thumb and pointer finger until Derek let go. He then delivered a strong knee jab into the older man's stomach. "Don't ever attempt to hit me again. If I decide to make Cameron my own personal screwing machine, there's nothing you can do about it, got me!"

John stalked past the hunched over form and slammed back into his room. He dressed quickly but by the time he had gotten down the stair the older Reese was now sitting at the breakfast table stabbing at his food. John didn't acknowledge the questioning looks from his mother or Cameron as he took the keys and hightailed it to the truck.

Had he stayed he would have heard a very interesting story.

"What did you do?" Sarah asked Derek, the sound of the tires spinning highlighting her question. Derek sat at the table grumpily holding his still semi cracked rib. Trust John to know right where to hit him. He should had have never agreed to spar with Jessie, especially after her spat with Riley.

"Nothing, just asked it about last night." Derek pointed at machine still standing by the door.

"What happened last night?" Sarah directed at Cameron.

Cameron shook her head and shrugged into her jacket. She slammed out of the house and proceeded to walk in the same direction that John had gone.

"What the hell is going on with those two?" Sarah said placing a plate heavy with pancakes on the table. "They're acting like actual teenagers."

"Sarah, I need to tell you something about Riley. Something that you won't like." Derek began pushing the plate of Sarah's chocolate chip pancakes away, "it concerns the metal."

Sarah gripped her recently wounded leg lightly and settled into the chair, "I have something to tell you too."

"Hi, big brother."

Derek spun in his seat and stared at the doorway. Looking not much older than his own son, Kyle Reese smiled at his big brother. He made himself comfortable and Derek hid the twinge of anger that followed as Kyle sat much closer to Sarah than what was necessary.

"What's this about our son?"

Derek sighed, **'this was not gonna be a good day. He could tell.'**


	4. Advice

**I apologize if Cam is a bit occ but I'm trying to figure out the right mix of new human sensibilities and her machine tendencies.**

**As for the pervious chapter, well John was being difficult. So I apologize.**

**The next one will be better I promise....**

**Enjoy**

* * *

Cameron followed John but for her own purposes. She had discovered the day of her black out as Eric had called it, that he took his treatments at the same hospital Riley was currently in. He had actually doubled back and seen her fall against the wall.

They had spent the remainder of the day talking in a nearby park where a couple of little boys played baseball and some other children on swings were watched by their nannies.

They had agreed to meet there again. Cameron was aware that Eric might have question about John's behavior the night before. She would be as honest as possible without giving herself or John away.

"Cameron!" Eric waved over from his chair. Cameron scanned the lobby of the hospital and after verifying that her charge was still safe she ventured over to him.

"Hello."

"I wasn't sure if you would show up after last night. Was that the John you're always talking about?"

"Yes, that is the John I talk about."

"Well, I can see why you're kinda weird. Seriously that guy was much too wired." Eric commented.

"Wired? John does not have any metallic components or carry the parts to utilize frequencies."

"I don't mean literally. Just he seemed more like a jealous boyfriend than your brother. You guys must have been really close before the accident." Eric mumbled tearing pieces of bread and scattering it among the pigeons gathering around him.

"He trusted me a lot more before the accident. Now he doesn't." Cameron said sadly.

Eric had caught moments were Cameron acted like a child and other when she didn't. He had heard that severe accidents could somehow cause problems in the brain which would result in personality disorders.

"Hey Cameron, this accident that you were involved in. Were you driving?"

Cameron analyzed the pigeons, they were not a threat. "Yes, I was driving."

"Did you hurt your head? Because if you did it could explain why you forget stuff or act so weird sometimes." Eric explained.

"A metal fragment was imbedded in my head. That compromised my…head. Would that be why I thought I was Allison?" she asked him.

"Depends, who is Allison?" Eric finished off the last of the bread and motioned for her to get up.

"A girl I knew. From a long time ago. She was from Palmdale. Her dad was an architect. She died before her sixteenth birthday." Cameron replied.

"I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago." she said pasting a bland smile on her face. Eric's face did the same and Cameron saw she did something wrong.

She adjusted her smile to appear properly contrite, "its hard talking about her."

"It's ok, I get it. My best friend died when we were six. He fell off a horse. I hadn't been diagnosed with cancer yet. We used to ride a lot." Eric patted his legs. "Old memories still hurt sometimes."

"Yeah. They hurt," she patted his leg and he blushed a bit. He slipped his hand beneath hers and she intertwined their fingers like she'd seen John do with Riley.

Eric's skin was soft but his palms were callused no doubt from the books he carried around as part of his job. "You're hands are nice." she said.

Surprised by the compliment he chuckled. "Thanks, yours are nice too."

"Do you like my nail polish. It called Hot Sunrise." she wiggled her fingers, "I did my toes too but you can't see them."

"It's very red. I figured you for a pink kind of girl or maybe like electric green."

"I've never tried green. John's eyes are green."

"You know, if I didn't know better I'd think you were like in love your brother. That's what it sound like anyway.. Like love love. Maybe you shouldn't mention stuff about him so often." Eric supplied.

"But I am his sister. I'm supposed to love John." Cameron was clearly confused.

"It's ok to love your brother but don't like …him like you would like a stranger."

"I can like a stranger but not John because he is my brother." this statement made no sense to Cam and she became more bewildered, "please explain."

Eric scratched at his beard not sure how sheltered Cameron's life had been. Clearly her brother had a lot of control over her. He decided to start slowly to gauge her interaction levels. "I'm your friend so as your friend you can hold my hand or talk with me. If I was your boyfriend you could kiss me and hug me and so on."

"So on? …."

"Let's leave the rest of that for a later lesson. Now since John is your brother you can only kiss him on the cheek but never on the mouth. You can hold his arm but it looks weird if you hold his hand. Same goes for hugging. Got it?" he asked.

"Yes, I got it. I can hold your hand and kiss you like this." Cameron bent down and placed a kiss on Eric's surprised mouth before hugging him tightly. "I can hug you like this also. But I cannot do any of these things to John because it would be weird, right?"

Eric still stunned from the kiss had just nodded.

Cameron had several subroutines in her database of male and female interactions but had never been programmed for the more complicated relationships such as that of a sibling or friendship. She as an infiltrator knew the art of seduction which had worked very well with General Connor.

And though older John had been her friend as well as lover she had acted as his subordinate in public. Giving her no real way to interact on a friendly level without sex being involved. Eric's tutoring was very important and would help her deal with this John. Since seduction had apparently not worked, she obviously needed to be a little less like his friend and more like his sibling.

That would also please Sarah Connor and Cameron always had this unnatural urge to please Sarah.

"Cameron, I almost forgot I got you something."

Cameron stored the information in her databanks and turned an interested face to the man beside her.

"It's not from Echo Park but it from an equally tight store." Eric handed her a silver bullet on a black cord. Cameron's sensors went over the necklace. "This is not a real bullet," she said.

Eric smiled, "no, its not. But I know you know a lot about guns so I thought it be appropriate."

"Thank you. It's tight. I like bullets." She tried undoing the clasp and putting it on but the hook kept falling through.

"Here, bend down. I'll put it on you." She kneeled in front of his chair. Carefully moving her hair aside, he closed the clasp and centered it on her neck. "Let me look."

She got up and turned, "Very nice." It rested just on the hollow of her throat.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"You said help me get one after I helped you with the files. I didn't help you. Why did you still get me a necklace?" She tilted her head to the side, her brown eyes wide.

"You're my friend and it's a thank you. If you hadn't told me about my cancer, I wouldn't have been able to catch it in time. I might not have been lucky enought to go into remission. I know I was really mad at the time but I wanted to thank you." Eric had not meant to tell her all that but she had a way of making you spill your guts.

"You're welcome. I'm glad you are not mad at me anymore." She bent once more and placed a soft kiss on his mouth. Her delicate skin could pinpoint where his beard began and his skin ended. She had expected his beard to be prickly but it was soft and Cameron couldn't help but cup his jaw. Neither John she knew had ever had facial hair and there was no other male she could be this close to unless you counted Derek. But the resistance fighter had an deep mistrust of her. He would not let her near him unless she wanted a round in her chassis.

Her fingers trailed his jaw line and she touched her tongue to the closed line of his lips. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled away, "maybe we should slow down. Cam. I really like you but this is a bit sudden."

"I'm sorry. I was just kissing my friend." Cameron said looking confused.

"Well, lets wait for that part of our friendship, okay." Eric held her hand and she sat back on the bench.

"Friendship? Is that what they call it now." John was standing right in front of them. The look in his eyes murderous. "Cameron, home now!"

Cameron rose but Eric held her hand, "you can't tell her what to do." Cameron sat back down.

John ripped her hand from Eric's and dragged her up with him, "Yeah I can. Say goodbye Cam."

"Bye, Eric." Cameron said allowing John to yank her away.

Eric watched helplessly as Cameron was shoved into the truck and John got into the driver's seat. Clearly he was angry as he was yelling at her until they tore out of the parking lot. Something was odd about her brother. He had a feeling that Cameron was covering up for John.

Maybe John was abusive, it would explain why she never really spoke about her home life. In fact he'd swear on his own life that they weren't even related and he was determined to find out for why she was lying for her sake.


	5. Feeling

**Ok, I've been so lazy. That is my reason and not an excuse. My sister finally yelled at me and told me to get off my butt. **

**So here it is. **

**Hope you guys enjoy.**

* * *

"Have you… Did you and him…?" John couldn't force himself to finish.

**A Few Hours Earlier**

It had been awful to get to the hospital only to find out that Riley had escaped and not returned. He wandered around asking nurses and various doctors if she had walked out on her own or been taken. Nobody had wanted to say anything especially when he couldn't produce identification.

Afraid they would call the cops again, John decided to search for Riley himself.

Last nights events were still playing through his mind torturing him as he scoured all the local hangouts that Riley frequented. His frustration mounted as the blonde remained missing. The day was getting older and the afternoon temperature was already climbing.

Exhausted and emotionally drained John was finally ready to go back and humbly apologize to his mother while managing to hide from Cameron and Derek. He knew Derek would not let him be for that little stunt in the closet even if it had been the ex-soldiers fault.

Sensing he was about to rehash the heat and feel of Cameron's very real skin plastered against his, John stopped and parked in the only familiar spot he knew. It was funny that the last few days when he had felt too overwhelmed he had returned to the park where he had first seen his father and uncle innocently playing ball.

"I was over her, I am over her. I have Riley, why can't I be satisfied with that? God I'm such a freak." He berated himself as images of Cam overtook his anxious mind. "Who am I kidding?"

John lifted his head from the steering wheel and peered out to see his father chasing a ball. The ball came really close to a nearby bench but he caught it before he could disturb the couple on it.

John refocused his tired vision and was able to make out a wheelchair. A familiar looking wheelchair.

"What the hell?"

He knew that guy. Edward, Eddie…no Eric. The guy from the library. The one Cameron had been visiting for a few nights. The one that was apparently a little too close to his "sister."

He leaned forward onto the wheel observing Cam and Eric. He couldn't really tell but it looked like she had grabbed his hand. **'Ok, don't overreact she's probably just doing recon. Checking vital signs and such.'**

Cameron let go of his hand and wiggled her fingers in front of him. John wanted to get closer but he didn't dare. He wanted to find out how deep the relationship went and that would not happen if Cameron realized he was right there.

She stopped moving her fingers and turned to Eric. They continued talking until John figured nothing else would be happening. He was about to start the truck when he saw Cameron stand up and kiss the man. The keys slipped from John's hand and fell beneath his seat.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!!" John cried automatically reaching underneath him to retrieve them. He grasped the key ring but only succeeded in pushing them further back. He would have to get out of the truck now. He threw the door open. He immediately stuck his head under the steering column.

A silver glint directed him and he grabbed the keys scraping his knuckles. "Fuck!"

He turned his back briefly to them as he nursed his now bleeding hand. "Fucking Metal." He shook his hand and turned. Cameron was bent over the guy, her long brown hair hanging down shielding them from his view.

John's blood boiled and he gripped the keys extra hard. Relishing in the pain caused by the keys biting into his palm. Cameron was now cupping the guy's cheek her fingers curling around his jaw line and down to his neck.

The man stopped her but John had seen enough. A few quick strides and he was before them. They were so caught up in each other they had not noticed him standing there listening to the last dregs of their conversation.

"I'm sorry. I was just kissing my friend." Cameron said looking confused.

"Well, lets wait for that part of our friendship, okay." Eric held her hand and she sat back on the bench.

"Friendship? Is that what they call it now." John blurted out, the look in his eyes murderous. "Cameron, home now!" he snapped.

He was pleased to see Cameron instantly followed his command and rose but Eric held her hand, "you can't tell her what to do." She sat back down quietly.

Cameron looked between the two of them unsure of what to do. She was sitting at the very edge of the bench ready to get up but not moving an inch. John was not about to have his authority challenged especially not by library boy.

John ripped her hand from Eric's and dragged her up with him, "Yeah I can. Say goodbye Cam."

"Bye, Eric." Cameron said allowing John to yank her away.

John could feel rage sweeping through him. It was that same rage that had taken over when he had killed Sarkissian. The only difference was the rage wasn't directed outwards but inwards. He had neglected Cameron. He had saved her from the scrap pile sure but he had treated her worse than trash.

Between the missions and his mom's hallucinations and Derek's questioning looks, John had learned to hide his true feelings. Feelings that were suppressed so far down that they kept him up at night. He sighed, yet again he was being a jerk and abusing her purpose.

He was just about to tell her to go and that he'd see her at home when he noticed not only had she not gotten in the truck but she was standing still gazing wistfully at the man in the chair.

"Get in, Cameron." John shouted, his jealousy overriding his common sense.

She didn't move or say a word. She instead adjusted her sight until their gazes collided. Brown imploring with the determined green. She looked almost depressed. "He is my friend, John."

"I don't care, get in the truck."

"I do not answer to you John. I only answer to future John." she said simply yet she made no attempt to rejoin her friend.

"Well for all you know Future John is dead and I'm the only John left. So. Get. In .the. Fucking. Truck." John pronounced each word angrily as he walked around the vehicle and closer to her.

They stood inches from each other. His harsh breath fluttering across her pretty face.

"I don't want to," she replied laying her palm onto his chest. "Your heartbeat is accelerated. I should drive. Too much adrenaline is coursing through your body it could impair your judgment. A car wreck would displease Sarah."

Without warning his hand shot out and gripped the top of her arm painfully tight. Well on a normal person but though Cameron did not register pain, John knew that her sensors were picking up on the power of the grip.

He shoved her into the truck and slammed the door. He stalked around the hood and jumped up into the seat. He jammed the keys into the ignition and tore out of the parking lot.

They drove around for a while. Cameron looking out the window playing with a necklace. John briefly took his eyes of the road taking in the trinket. "Have you… Did you and him…?" John couldn't force himself to finish. Instead he drove to the same spot he had taken Riley.

The lights of the city shinned brightly illuminating the cliff and giving the few cars there a bit of a romantic vibe. The silence broken only by occasional giggles and the unmistakable sounds of people making out.

"This is not our home."

"No, its not." John rubbed his face tiredly.

"This is a make out spot. A place to copulate. Are we here to copulate?" she asked noting the various motions of the cars around them.

"Jeez, Cam. No we aren't here for that. We probably shouldn't be screwing around since we are playing brother and sister." John was trying not to think about how secluded and far from his relative's eyes he was at the moment.

"I don't understand. The truck has sufficient room to accommodate us. If you move over and I sit on your lap we could "screw around." Is it because I am your sister?" she asked.

"You are not my sister. We are only pretending." This was getting him nowhere unless you counted really turned on. He was not about to that here. There were not interruptions to be had and he didn't think he could stop himself if things got too far.

"Are you a stranger or friend?" she asked again confusing John.

"What?"

"Eric said I can kiss and hug a stranger or friend but not you because you are my brother and it would be weird. I can do so on… I believe he meant sex with a friend or stranger. So I can screw around with Eric but not you. Correct?"

John had never realized he had such a hair trigger temper. Maybe it was only when Cameron was involved that his temper got away from him. He slid across the seat, his fingers encasing her wrists. "Not correct at all. You cannot screw around with Eric because you are a machine. If he found out about you, he would be in danger and we would have to protect him or kill him. Do you understand? You are putting him in danger." John explained not releasing her wrists.

"You do the same with Riley? Why is this different? I could screw around and not be found out I've done it before." she replied.

"Don't Cameron." He paused, **'Was it future John she was referring to?' **

"Riley doesn't mean…I mean she does but…its just different. I don't want you doing anything with this Eric guy. You can see him but nothing else. Got it?"

"Are you jealous?" It was such a shock to hear her say it that John dropped her wrists as if burned.

"No, why would I be? I'm not your boyfriend or anything. I just don't want any more strangers around us." He completely sidestepped the question and he had a feeling that Cameron knew that.

"I was jealous," she confessed. "I don't like her. She is dangerous. She cannot give you what you want."

He had not seen how close they were. He was starring into her eyes, "What do I want?"

"You want to be ordinary. You cannot be ordinary. You are John Connor, that makes you special." she pressed her lips lightly against his neck and his eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head.

"I'm special?" he asked allowing her to scoot him back against the seat. She somehow maneuvered herself on his lap, her legs spread open on either side of him.

"Very."

His head laid back on the seat, he could feel the cool touch of her fingers as they ruffled through his short hair. She had untucked both his undershirt and overshirt. Her hands deftly sliding under the fabric and gliding under his toned abdomen.

"You've been training with Derek," it was a statement not a question. He sat up straight as he felt her undo his belt buckle.

He stopped her hands, "Cam. We shouldn't. If mom finds out she'll scrap you and castrate me."

Cameron removed her hands and John breathed out in disbelief. He couldn't believe he stopped her. He had just stopped this really incredibly beautiful girl from having her way with him. **'What is wrong with me? I'm such a loser.'**

While John had been occupied with the self-pitying thoughts. Cameron had been busy. "John?"

Whatever breath he had was expelled quickly as he regarded the sight before him. He blinked and shook his head but the vision did not go away. Cameron was sitting on his lap completely topless. She leaned forward and he groaned at the feel of her chest on him.

He shakily wrapped his arms around her and she pressed even closer. He heard a tearing sound and he immediately felt the skin to skin contact. "What am I gonna tell Mom when she asked why my shirt is torn down the middle?"

"There are worse things to tell her." Cameron whispered.

"Yeah, like what?" John asked one hand skittering close to her side and up to her breast.

"I could tell her that we were screwing around." she said a little evil smile on her face.

"Castration, remember. Bath of dissolving chemical for you."

"I promise not to tell." Cameron whispered and shut him up.

John had always dreamed of kissing Cam especially after he met her. Even being a terminator had not dampened his enthusiasm. After the explosion he had been careful and the lust had mostly faded but now he knew it had just been dormant. Waiting for the perfect opportunity.

If he had not been messing around with Riley he would have probably stayed on his bed with his protector doing things that would have gotten him a serious beating from Derek.

He had all the opportunity now. Nobody to suddenly barge in or stop them. He should have known that his life never went easy or lucky. Cameron was just undoing his jeans when a bright light shined into the car startling him.

"Sir, could you please step out of the vehicle." a brash voice shouted from outside.

"Do you want me to take care of it?" Cameron asked.

"No, but you might want to put on your shirt. I don't want anybody else to see you." he pecked her mouth and she complied. John slipped into his own shirts but they remained open down the middle.

They had been so occupied that he hadn't noticed that several couples were already out of their cars in various states of undress. John rolled down the window and put on his cheesiest smile.

"Evening officer, how can I help you?"

"Mind stepping out of the car, son." The cop motioned with his flashlight and John reluctantly got out and stood against the truck squinting as the light swept over him.

The cop raised an eyebrow and John self consciously gathered the two halves of his shirts together. He blushed but looked the cop in the eye as if daring him to ask anything. The cop hid a smile and shinned the light into the cab.

"Wanna come out too, sweetheart?"

"No." came Cameron's reply. John stepped forward but the cop shinned the light at him again.

"She's shy, let me get her." he said hands out just in case the guy was trigger happy.

"Knock yourself out kid." The officer stepped back and John poked his head into the cab.

"Cameron, come out here. We don't want to cause the nice policeman any trouble." John said through clenched teeth. Sweat was already rolling down his back. If they checked his prints he was done for.

Cameron nodded and stepped out on the other side. She jumped onto the back of the truck and then jumped down next to John. The cop stared at her but made no comment.

"You folks seen anything out of the ordinary here tonight?"

John rolled his eyes. He wanted to say, with my life normal is scary.

"John saw my breasts." Cameron supplied.

The cop to his credit muffled his laughter rather well, " I imagine a pretty girl like you and a guy like him, that is out of the ordinary all right."

John scowled at Cameron but she just looked pleased as if she had helped.

"Alright. We've had a rash of robberies up here. I suggest you two don't linger."

John agreed and Cameron went to her side of the truck, "Hey kid. Nice job." the cop said.

John ignored the laughing and watched until the cops drove away. Other couples got into the cars and also began to leave one after the other. "Don't ever blurt out something like that again, Ok?"

"I won't blurt out that your touched my…." John's hand covered her mouth and she looked at him curiously.

"I am still having a little trouble with that. It still new for me." John replied taking his hand away.

"Yes, thank you for explaining." She smiled as he backed up the truck.

"Nice necklace, where did you get it? And don't tell me Echo Park." John said laughingly.

"Eric gave it to me. I was going to do some things for him but I didn't get a chance. He bought it for me anyway to replace the one you ripped off." she explained.

John smile faded, his narrowed eyes emphasized by the red traffic light. "Did he?"

He reached over but Cameron caught his hand, "no John. It's mine. It was a present."

He yanked his hand from her grasp and ignored her the rest of the way home. She attempted to talk to him but he just snapped at her until she chose to be quiet instead.

He knew why he was acting like this. She had never desired anything from anybody. It didn't matter that she wanted to sleep with him not when she wanted to keep stuff from another guy. Cameron no longer looked to him for guidance she had someone else and that bothered the hell out of him.

The driveway was quiet like the house, light were on but that was not usual. Thinking that maybe his mom and Derek had gone on another three dots goose chase he sipped up his jacket just in case so they wouldn't see his shirt if they were home.

He opened the door. The TV was on but nobody was in the living room. He approached the kitchen and was delighted to see that his mother had not cooked. Sitting on the table were four plates. A pot of something that smelled delicious was sitting on a cutting board in the middle of the table.

Cameron came up behind him but he went around her. She caressed the bullet at her throat and John restrained the impulse to remind her who she was here for.

"Mom? Derek?"

"They went to the warehouse to load up on some more supplies. I was told to wait for you."

The man emerged from the darkened room that John knew to be his mother's. Cameron stepped in front of John shielding him. "Who are you?" Cameron said in John's voice.

"Don't you recognize me Cammi?"

Cameron threw the lights on and the man blinked at the sudden glare, "Why are you here, Kyle?"

"Kyle?" John repeated. "Kyle Reese?"

"The one and only," the man responded and stepped up to hug Cameron. "Long time, little sis."

"Long time, big brother."

John was staring back and forth between the two. "Kyle, Kyle Reese?" John repeated again.

"Yeah, are you ok John?" Kyle went to put his hand on John's shoulder but John moved away. "You sent me back, I'm here for Sarah."


	6. Needs

**I know I took forever. I'm so sorry.**

**I thought I'd update before the show ended but I had so little recollections of some the episodes after Earthlings Welcome Here & The Good Wound that I ended up having to rewatch them and try to figure out how to fit in my story and still be kind of cannon.**

**Anyways here's one and I will have Kyle/Cameron/John interaction in the next chapter. I plan on posting that tomorrow!!**

**Enjoy....**

* * *

**Earlier that day - Connor Kitchen**

"What's this about our son?"

Derek sighed this was not gonna be a good day. He could tell.

"What the hell are you doing here? And don't just give me that whole John sent me back crap." Derek snapped spearing an innocent pancake onto his fork. He found himself suddenly ravenous for Sarah's cooking.

Kyle eyeballed his brother, Sarah's straight backed position the exact duplicate of Derek's. "Am I interrupting something?"

As if electrocuted both Sarah and Derek shot up from the table. Their combined dirty looks enough to silence Kyle on the subject.

"Well, ummm right." Kyle continued, "John did send me back but I'm not staying long. You have a very serious problem." Every now and then Kyle tried to figure out what was making him uneasy about the combination of the woman who had given birth to his only son and his older brother.

"Is it about Riley?" Sarah asked sliding another smaller share of pancakes onto a plate for Kyle.

"If it is, we are aware of it, right." Derek answered brusquely, looking to Sarah for confirmation.

Sarah clenched her jaw ready to answer but someone's insistent knocking interrupted her. On cue Derek pulled a gun from his back while Sarah pulled a shotgun from underneath the table. Derek covered her and she used his bulk to look out at the small window.

Casey stood on the front step, a casserole dish in hand.

"It's just Casey." Sarah answered handing the shotgun to Derek who stashed it in a cubby hole along with his own gun by the door. Kyle watched this intricate gun ballet with a mixture of pride and sadness. He might have returned but apparently Sarah did not need him as much as he had hoped.

Casey was welcomed into the home while Sarah handed the casserole dish to Derek.

"I'm so glad to catch you at home. I wanted to ask if you could possibly…oh I'm sorry I didn't realize you had company."Casey smiled politely at the two men in Sarah's kitchen.

Sarah pulled a chair and all four were soon seated at the table. "This is Derek and Kyle Reese." Casey smiled and shook their hands but clearly was waiting for Sarah to give more of an explanation as to the relationship to Sarah and her brood. "These are John and Cameron's uncles."

Derek managed to hold back the angry gurgle of disgust at being associated with Cameron in any way. Kyle's betrayed look almost undid Sarah but she had to think of John first.

"I can see the family resemblance." Casey said looking at Kyle.

Derek knowing that they would not be having their discussion any time soon decided to excuse himself before he had to make anymore unpleasant small talk. Kyle followed suit leaving Sarah to chat with her neighbor.

"What's going between you and Sarah?" Kyle asked following him.

Derek turned so quickly that Kyle ran into him. "What? What are you talking about?"

"I just thought I saw something…I mean well you guys seem to be..." Seeing the dark gleam in his brother's eyes, Kyle changed subjects quickly. "Sarah is in a lot of danger. She needs your help. I am here about Riley but General Connor had intel that we had rogue jumpers."

"You're talking about Jesse." Derek stated.

"She is as big a threat to John as Riley. You need to take care of it. Do not let Sarah know." Kyle paused letting the implication of what Derek had to do dawn on the resistance fighter. "This is a direct order from Connor. Do not tell Sarah. Take care of it."

Derek nodded a lump growing in his throat. "Is that the only reason you are here?"

"No. John needs a father."

"He has a father, Kyle. He has you." Derek said gripping his younger brother's shoulders. "You're here now. Just stay and take care of him."

Kyle forced Derek to let go. **'How was he supposed to encourage his own replacement.'**

"I'm not staying. I'm on my way to the past. I stopped here. I have to set up a few sites and stay low gathering materials and putting the beginning of the resistance together. I'm leaving tonight for Arizona after a few years I'll head to a designated site and meet Sarah in 1984."

Derek yanked his brother into the unused living room. "You can't. You'll die. Connor is sending you to die." he yelled. The idea of letting his baby brother go blindingly into his own demise was too much for him to bare a second time.

"Connor is John and he must live if we are to have a future." Kyle responded.

"Don't you understand. There is no future for you. You don't exist. You're just some heroic memory. How can you be ok with that?" Derek cried as he shook Kyle desperate to shove sense back into him.

"Because then you and Sarah can have a future. You can be the ones to help John not be a bastard. To teach him what it means to save not just humanity's future but yours as well. Derek, I need you to care for my boy." Kyle hugged his brother one last time, "I need you to care for his mother. Promise me."

"I promise."

"Love her, Derek."

Sarah entered not a few moments later missing whatever Kyle had said but she heard Derek's response.

"I already do."

"What's going on?" Sarah asked looking between the brothers. Kyle plastered a smile on his face but Derek didn't even pretend. He gave her a strange almost fond look before slamming out of the house.

"Reese, temper. Runs in the family." Kyle answered shrugging his shoulders.

"Why are you really here?"

Kyle eyed the couches as if trying to decide which was the comfiest. Once settled he motioned for Sarah to sit opposite of him. She obeyed but he noticed that she had a gun tucked in her pant's waistline. "Paranoid a bit don't you think?" he said pointing to her gun.

"Getting harder to trust around here." she replied. "So you gonna answer?"

"I was sent back by John but not just for Riley. I was sent back specifically for you."

"Me? Why? I already know I'm not around for John in the future." Sarah replied propping her still wounded leg on the table.

"You don't get cancer from regular sources. We think you get cancer from the terminators. More importantly from looking after John. You need to let John find his own leads and you and Derek are to set up as much resistance as possible."

"I don't understand. How can you of all people tell me that I need to stop looking after our son?"

"Because as long as you shield him, he will continue to make mistakes." Kyle reasoned.

"Like Tin-Miss?"

"No, like Riley. She is not of this time. Truthfully we aren't sure of what time she is from. Either way she is a huge liability. John is in danger everytime he is away from Cameron while you are taking unnecessary risks that push up your death date."

"You have no idea what you're saying. That thing is seducing him. You don't see how he looks at her. She is always walking around him half-naked and just a few days ago I saw them in his bed together. If she had tried anything, I swear Kyle. I would have blasted her there and then."

Sarah pulled the gun from her waistband placing it on the table in from of her. "I feel like he's getting further and further from me."

Kyle scooted over gripping Sarah's hand in his, "I'm going to tell you something that will probably not make you feel any better but that you deserve to know. Cameron or Tin-Miss as you call her, was modeled after a real person. Allison Young. She was just one of the orphans we found around the tunnels."

Sarah had braced herself but the air still felt like it had been punched out of her, "Oh God."

"Sarah, she trailed after John until she was adopted by him. She was just fifteen when the machines caught her. She escaped and reported back to John. Thanks to her we knew that they were coping actual people." Kyle paused letting the horrible information seep into Sarah.

"They caught her a second time but she was a trap. By the time we found out it was too late. John went to pieces when he realized that she had left without his permission. Allison left and Cameron returned."

Sarah covered her eyes. "How he must have suffered." She tried to imagine what it would be like to lose her son and have a terminator replica show up. "No wonder he sent her away."

"He didn't send her away."

"That lying…I knew it. I knew she'd been lying about her mission. She's here to destroy John, she's here to help Skynet." Sarah jumped up from her seat desperate to search out the treasonous bitch.

Kyle held her hands forcibly bringing her back down. "Listen to me. She begged him to send her away. It's true that when she first came to our camp she wanted to kill him but when she met him, well she did something none of us expected…she cried."

Sarah looked as stunned as Kyle still felt. "But she's a machine."

Kyle nodded, "I know. We were pretty freaked out too. She just dropped to her knees and asked for his forgiveness and cried. She told him the entire plan Skynet had for us, for him. The weirdest thing about it was that she told John how to reprogram her and then she told him she was sorry she had died."

"Allison?" Sarah asked more and more confused by what Kyle was telling her.

"Apparently when Skynet duplicated Allison, they duplicated her loyalty and it overrode Cameron's neural net. Once John deactivated her, he also wiped her clean. Including her neural net but the feelings and emotions that Skynet put in were very complicated so it was just a blanket job." Kyle finished.

"So Cameron protects John because she has some of Allison's personality?"

"Yes and no. Allison's personality only exists in fragments not enough for Cameron to use. However Cameron learned love and loyalty due to her exposure to Allison herself. Cameron's love for John and her wish to protect him is all hers. John tried several times to program her to others but it kept reverting back to John. That was why the soldiers disliked her. They thought she was not trustworthy."

"She tried to kill John, when she was blown up by a bomb. Where was her loyalty then?" snapped Sarah.

Kyle glanced at her trying to answer her query. "It probably was a subroutine in her original programming and with her power cell low she had no control over her own brain. Was she fixed? Is that why she is with you now?"

"John cleaned her chip a bit and then put it back in that same day."

Her heart almost stopped at just the remembrance of her son holding a gun on her and Derek and Charlie and then giving it to the machine. His young self a perfect target for her bullet. As she thought about it, Sarah also recalled other things that had not made it through her mind in that terrifying moment.

How the machine had asked John if he was there to kill her. How John had asked her the same thing and the wounded tone of her voice as she answered in the negative. Cameron's head had tilted downwards to the gun in her hand and she had handed it back to John.

"No amount of cleaning would have fixed that kind of damage." Kyle interrupted her memory.

"John handed her a gun and she just stared at it like she didn't know what it was and then she just handed it back. I didn't realize that until now how lost and confused she had looked until John had helped her out of the jeep."

Sarah swallowed the disgust of her new revelations. "Cameron loves John. She told me, he'd made a mistake in bringing her back."

Kyle didn't know what to say. Sarah was obviously not ready to hear how close they had been and maybe like Derek would never be. "After she was wiped clean and only a few months of being with John, she begged him to send her back. Nobody knows why he agreed."

"Because it is the best chance of survival for him. The metal knows that," Derek said from the doorway, "But it does not mean he has to fall in love with it. General Connor made that mistake and it cost a lot more than lives."

Sarah and Kyle turned to look at Derek. "It cost him his humanity. He became a machine just like it."


	7. Wants

**I know I always promise to upload right away but I get so lazy. **

**Here you go its extra long. No promises on when I'll upload again.**

**Thanks for still following.**

**Enjoy....**

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Ok, so John knew he wasn't always the brightest. Not running when he was told to, pointing a gun at his only relatives to revive his personal terminator and then falling for said terminator uncaring whether it could love him or not were just some examples of his latest stupidities.

However it seemed that his future self had just upped the bar on dumb moves. Sending his father back a second time before he was supposed to after how things had turned out the last time was not one of his brighter ideas.

Cameron was still standing real close to Kyle and they were speaking in hushed tones. He certainly wasn't feeling the closeness between his father and his Cam either. God he was tired of all this time twisting. "What's gonna happen to my mother?" John asked breaking up the furious discussion.

John noticed the strange look that Kyle threw Cameron. **'What was going on between these two?' **

Why was it that now that he realized how much he wanted her that all these other men began coming out of the woodwork. All he needed now was for Derek to claim his undying love for her to make his day complete.

"You came for mom?" John asked snapping his father from his staring contest with his beloved terminator.

Kyle looked between his son and Cameron. John looked exhausted and annoyed. Swallowing his concern Kyle proceeded to tell him of his mission. Telling his son everything but the part about Riley. That was for Derek's ears only. If his **'little sister' **found out about it she'd kill the blonde for sure.

John felt Cameron take hold of his arm guiding him over to the couch. He was still in shock over what Kyle had just told him. **'Sarah, his mother was going to die within a few months? The cancer that had been shadowing her since the time jump finally taking her?' **

He pulled from his morbid thoughts long enough to see that Cameron and Kyle were no longer in the living room. He recalled that his father had called her his little sister but the behavior she was showing was not in any way sibling like.

John snuck a glance towards the kitchen. Kyle had his hands on Cam's face holding her still. She was trying to shake her head but Kyle was furiously yelling at her. Cameron stopped struggling and leaned into the younger Reese's embrace.

Kyle for his part smoothed her hair until she raised her face to him.

The doorway to the kitchen was violently thrown open by Derek who was followed in by Sarah. Kyle and Cameron sprang apart before they could be seen. John was just about to get up but a plate of food materialized in front him. Cameron took another plate from his father while Kyle took a seat across him.

Knowing John as she did, Cameron was aware that he'd seen them. She also knew that he had questions and that no matter how much she wanted to, she would not be able to answer them. Kyle had pulled her aside only to tell her that they believed that some of the radiation that killed Sarah Connor came from close proximity to terminators. Especially thermite weapons.

Kyle relayed that his mission also involved several messages from General Connor. Only to be spoken to the specific recipient. Under no circumstance was the younger John to be told about them. Cameron's message was that Sarah was to not destroy any more terminator parts.

Cameron was to hide them and destroy them herself in two months and no earlier. She wasn't told why the specific time frame. Kyle then told her that John was to be exposed to her core afterwards, it would help him build resistance.

Cameron had warned Kyle that there was a 23.6 chance that it would harm John. It was then she had broken down. She was just regaining John's trust she did not want to keep more secrets from him.

Kyle had gripped her face forcing her eyes to him, "Cammi, I know you don't want to do this but if John time jumps like its predicted he will, the radiation in the future will kill him. You have to expose him to your core. That's an order."

"I can't. John's well being is my mission. I cannot compromise that." she had replied just as stubbornly.

"Do you love John, Cam? Because if you do, you'll follow his order."

Cameron had ceased struggling, she leaned into his embrace. "I'll follow orders."

Kyle stroked her hair and for a second she was transported to her original timeline. Back to 2027 and in the arms of her original love.

_"I don't want to leave, John. Who will protect you?" she had asked him._

_General Connor never ever let his emotions show which was why most people regarded him as some sort of god but he wasn't Connor here with her. Here he was just John, he let the mask of his responsibilities drop hugging her to him. _

_His large warm hand stroking her long dark hair. "I can protect myself Cam. I need you to protect me in the past."_

_"I acknowledge the command…but I don't have to like it." she had murmured into his coat._

_"I don't expect you too."_

_She felt him kiss the top of her head and she looked up at him. "I love you, John Connor. I will always take care of you no matter what time I'm in."_

Her vision blurred and Cameron wondered if her ocular connection had been damaged in the explosion. The dark green eyes of the General slowly became the green ones of his father, Kyle Reese. Whatever Kyle was going to say was interrupted by the arrival of his brother and Sarah.

They pulled away from each other and resumed filling plates. Kyle handed two to Cameron and she went into the living room. She handed one to John as Kyle made himself comfortable. She expertly cut the steak and stuffed a piece into John's mouth to keep him quiet.

The piece she popped into his mouth should have been the most heavenly morsel he had ever experienced but the idea that Cameron was once again keeping something from him turned it to ash in his mouth.

John swallowed it with difficulty and he wondered if Cameron knew what she was doing to him.

Kyle ate with them and somehow all four of them decided to vegetate on the couch. It seemed that Kyle was as enamored of television as his young son and older brother. Sarah could only stomach so many action movies before she decided to turn in.

Kyle was more than content to just channel surf but John wanted to spend time with his father. Though he had come to see Derek in a sorta father type light having the real thing in front of him was not an opportunity he was going to squander.

"How old are you?"

Kyle surprised stopped surfing leaving the channel on the knife show. "I'm 22."

"I'm 16."

"That is incorrect you are 24 but due to the time lag, you appear 16." Cameron corrected settling herself at John's feet.

"Thanks, Cam." John shook his head at the female before continuing his line of questioning. "How do you know Cameron?"

An uncomfortable silence seemed to hang in the room. "He knew Allison Young. Didn't you baby brother." Derek taunted from the doorway. A fresh beer in his hand.

"Cameron was reprogrammed by Connor and I was assigned to watch her. If she went rogue I was to eliminate her." Kyle shifted his gaze to a smirking Derek.

"Kyle was meant to terminate me but I saved his life and I was promoted to Connor's bodyguard."

"That's not all you were promoted to…" Derek mumbled.

"Stop it, Derek. Just stop." Kyle snapped at him.

"Why are you protecting it? Why don't you tell John the truth. Why don't you tell him that she ruined his life, that because of her good men died. That a young girl died because of her. Why don't you tell him that she was sent by Skynet to be his metal whore." Derek snapped.

Derek's right cheek exploded with pain making him almost see stars. "No, John." Cameron shouted pulling the enraged Connor of his uncle. "Stop."

"He has no right Cam. No right to call you that." John snarled landing another blow to his uncle's mouth spraying the floor with blood.

"He is right." Cameron said pulling John gently off of the elder Reese.

"What?"

"He is right. I was sent by Skynet to seduce and kill John Connor, leader of the human resistance. I was with him because of my protocol. I did not love him until many years later when he freed me from it."

John reeled back from her and for maybe the first time he understood what his mother had been saying all along. She was just a machine. She could not and would not love him, she would always be Skynet first and his second.

"John. Why are you looking at me that way." she asked her head inclined in that pose that always charmed him. It didn't do the trick this time. **'How long had they studied him? How much of his preferences were part of her infiltration?' **

Everything she had come to be was programmed and done for his benefit because he found it cute. He sounded whiny to his own ears but he couldn't stop wondering why he couldn't be loved for he was and not for who he was going to be. **'How many times had she compared him to his future counterpart and found him lacking?'**

She manipulated his feelings and he'd let her. "John, I am with you by choice."

"Are you Cam. Are you really? If I ask you to do something will you do it regardless of how you feel."

"Please explain." Cameron replied.

"Give me your necklace." John demanded extending his hand out for the trinket at her throat.

"John this doesn't prove anything. She is just…" Kyle began.

"Be quiet Kyle, let him see what she really is." Derek said wiping blood off his face.

"I don't want to. It's mine." Cameron said holding her hand protectively over it.

"If you love me then you don't need to keep that. I can get you a better one. I gave you a diamond, remember?" John asked stepping closer to her.

"Yes, a diamond is a girl's best friend. I still have it."

"Then give me the necklace." John tried again.

"Why?"

"Cameron…give it to me." John bridged the gap between them. One hand sliding over her nape. "I don't want you to wear it. You are mine." he whispered undoing the clasp.

"I have always been yours. I will always be yours but I cannot allow you to take it." with rapid movements she untangled herself from John and redid the clasp. "Future John has never cared what I wear. He knows that I only serve one. You are not that John." Cameron replied.

"I was a little bit closer to being him tonight though, wasn't I Cameron? I almost had you just like he did. Were you comparing me to him? Did it process in your chip how close my touch was to his?"

Kyle and Derek stared at John in horror. Though Kyle figured his horror was different from Derek's. The weight of the duties that his son carried made him want to cry. This was exactly why he had been sent back to stop this John from being the uncaring man they all had come to expect.

Always the peace maker Kyle rose and placed himself between the two teens. "This will not solve anything. That John no longer exists. The timelines are altered anytime someone new comes through. There's no need to fight about it."

"Sure defend the metal. You always have. Even after it almost killed Connor." Derek interrupted, "how close were you to Allison, Kyle. Or maybe I should ask how close you were to her?" Derek asked pointing disgustedly to the now frozen Cameron.

"She was like a sister. You know that." Kyle snapped.

"Was she? I recall you mumbling in your sleep how soft her skin was for a machine." Derek replied not seeing the darkness overcoming his nephew's features. "You spent several months with her in training while Connor was in Century. Was she ordered to be with you?"

John could see that same strange look of earlier spread over his father's face. The same look was present on Cameron's face. She tried to cover it up with her usual blank look but he had caught it and it made him furious.

"Did I reprogram you for that?" John asked shoving Kyle to the side and advancing on Cameron. The female shifted her gaze from the startled Reese to the seething Connor.

"I was to do whatever insured Kyle Reese's survival."

"So did that include you screwing him? How many times did you "insure his survival?" John wanted to stop himself but he was so tired of the lies. Not just hers but his father's and his mother's and Derek's and now even apparently himself. Everybody expected him to be this savior but they kept protecting him.

They kept encasing him in this ridiculous bubble of ignorance. "Did you enjoy it? Did you do it for me because I asked you to?" he heard his voice crack just a little bit but he wanted to know.

"My John… you would never force me to do anything that brought me discomfort." She remarked sliding her hands over his jaw. "I would do anything you ask, John. Anything at all as long as you want me."

All three men gaped at her. Her tone spoke of her devotion, of her love for him. John closed his eyes. The feel of her fingertips caressing his face were pure torture. Torture that he was willing to submit to if she could love him.

"You are what I am designed for," she replied removing her hands off him as she strode to the door and stepped out onto the porch.

She shattered his heart with that one sentence. She was designed for him by something that had been hunting him all his life. Something that ultimately would steal his mother and father and kill any hope of a human connection. He would not allow her to use him anymore.

The door closed behind her and they would all bet that she would still be doing perimeter checks no matter what John though of her. Kyle and Derek stood silent as John turned his suddenly cold green eyes on the Reese boys. "John…" Kyle began.

"I want you to tell me about Allison Young. What's her relationship to Cameron." John growled. "I want to know why I am so attached to her in the future and how to stop it from happening. It is a machine, I'm not. I don't want her near me."

Derek should have been happy but the look on his nephew's face was exactly like his when he had found out what had happened to Kyle. Dark, angry and bitter. Derek had just realized why he needed to take out Jesse. If she succeeded there would be no need for John Connor.

The John Connor he was seeing would turn into an empty angry man. A man that would let people die and not care. He would not be their salvation, he would damm them all. He would become an even bigger bastard that he had been in the future.

Derek left Kyle and John in search of Cameron. He needed to talk to her. He needed to see what it was that she had that kept his nephew human. He understood now. Cameron had not turned him into a machine, she had kept him from becoming one but thanks to Jesse's misinformation and her sending Riley back they had further screwed up the young general. He would detest machines and humans alike.

He, Derek Reese, had helped turn his only remaining relative into what they had been fighting. Skynet had won and he had done nothing to prevent it.

**Ten Minutes Earlier**

Kyle and John were enthused with a sci-fi movie and discussing it to geek proportions. Derek left them to it but he snapped a mental picture of his baby brother and his son talking like teenage boys. Derek spotted Sarah outside, he had to admit she looked much softer in the moonlight.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"I can't shake the nightmares. I keep seeing that man, the one I shot." Sarah rubbed her eyes.

"Sarah, you have to get some sleep. You gonna start having hallucinations and you can't help John if you start falling apart on him."

Sarah walked off the porch and towards the shed. Derek followed her. "Derek, I already have been. I saw Kyle before he showed up. I saw him in the hospital. I saw him instead of you."

Derek looked towards the house. He saw Cameron scanning them but he shook his head at her and she vanished back into the house. "Why don't we go back to the warehouse." he suggested.

"There's nothing left. It was all consumed in the fire."

"Maybe not. Think, you know the guy's name. John can hack into the system and find the employee records. Then we can see if we can locate a home address. We can talk to the family and see what they know. At the very least it might get rid of the nightmares." Derek could see her thinking it over.

"Ok, but we all go. I don't trust the metal alone with John." Sarah finally answered.

"I'll get the guns ready and meet you here in the morning." Derek said heading to the house.

"Kyle is leaving isn't he?." Sarah asked but it was more of a statement than anything else.

"He leaves at first light. He's on his way to meet you."

Back in the house the shopping channel was still on not that anybody paid it any mind. The earlier confrontation between John and Cameron had left the former angry as hell and the latter glued to the window ignoring the occupants of the room.

Since Derek had returned with Cameron, neither he or John had enjoyed each other's company. Both had been trapped in a personal hell of their own making while she stood guard. Kyle knew that it was just insecurity rearing its ugly head but the guilt still weighed on him. He had caused this new rift between his son and Cameron and Derek was making it worse by forcing them to be near each other.

Yes, he had been in love with Allison and then Cameron. However he had seen how much both had adored Connor. Especially so in Cameron's case. He had thought it was just what she had to do but when Connor had been taken captive she'd obliterated several T-800's to try to get him.

It was only when Connor's authority was passed to Derek in the general's absence that she had followed Derek's orders to keep him safe. His relationship or any thought of it died when he asked her to oblige him. Kyle had only been 16 at the time and Cam was the only girl around the camp twenty four-seven.

_"Stay here. You tin. Protect him, Connor's orders." Derek shouted as he ran to join the rescue effort to take back the General. Cameron had sat by the door with double plasma guns in her grip._

_"You must be Cameron. I've heard lots about you." Kyle began only to be interrupted by Cameron's voice duplication._

_"That's the metal bitch that is always around Connor…Do you think he screws that thing….I'd rather take my chances with the tunnel rats…She follows him everywhere…metal whore…" the voices and insults were varied but Kyle got her point._

_"It is not a good idea to be seen near me. John trusts me but he is John. You are only Kyle, you could be hurt." she explained. "That would displease John."_

_Kyle nodded his head but still sat next to her, "John trusts you. I trust you. Thanks for saving my life."_

_"The T-800 was in my way."_

_He laughed, "You're supposed to say you're welcome."_

_She tilted her head quizzically and Kyle found it sexy but in a vulnerable kind of way, which was odd as she was more indestructible than him. "You're welcome. Thank you for explaining."_

_He didn't know why he did what he did. It was probably a combination of thinking he was going to die down here alone with nothing but a terminator and his teenage hormones at work. " You're welcome." he said leaning in and kissing her softly. She didn't respond but he didn't care he just wanted some comfort. He pressed a little bit harder as he wrapped his arms around her._

_She slowly lifted her arms and enveloped him. He tilted her face and tried again. This time she kissed back but it was childish. Sadly that was not what Derek had seen. "What the fuck…" Kyle's whole body was wrenched back and away from Cameron. Derek let loose a few rounds into her chassis and she staggered back slamming into the wall._

_She raised her guns and Derek dropped over Kyle. The shot wheezed over their heads and exploded the head of the T-800 directly behind them. "You're welcome," she said walking over them and out into the compound. The sound of rounds hitting more metal echoed around them._

_Kyle shoved Derek off him, "Thank you, Cameron."_

He shook the memory off him. He didn't particularly care that his older brother hated her. He always would but he had hoped there would be some grudging respect. John, this John needed her and that was something that neither Sarah or Derek would be able to change.

He was too busy scanning John to care that Derek had left again. That he was on the swing sitting alongside Sarah. That she was resting her weary body against his or how he scooped her up and brought her into the house and into her room before locking himself up in his.

All that was in the future not his past. All that mattered was his son. It still gave him a headache when he tried to unravel that he was younger than his own son by a few years. The savior of humanity was currently sleeping with his head pillowed on the armrest of the couch and drooling a little bit. He kept twisting in what could only be the grip of a nightmare. Every now and then Cameron's name left his lips.

Sensing her presence Kyle turned and regarded Cameron. "He is at his most peaceful when he sleeps. John never looked like that for long were I come from," she related. She neared the sleeping boy and smoothed down his sweaty hair. In a few moments he was still and his breathing deepened.

"He doesn't at all since you've been gone." Kyle said moving quietly so as not to wake the young man. "He missed you when you left."

Kyle smiled gently taking her left hand. "Your servos are compromised. I've been observing you. The explosion is draining you isn't it?"

"Yes, the explosion damaged me. I cannot be fixed."

"Does John know? Have you told him about Allison?" Kyle asked feeling her hand twitch in his own.

"John does not need to know. He barely trusts me. He is still angry with me."

"He loves you."

"John is enamored of this body. He isn't responding to me anymore. He desires me but he does not love me." Cameron stated it factually but Kyle had been around her long enough to detect even the smallest hint of emotion in her response. **'Had his warning come too late?'**

"Cammi, I leave at first light. You must get through to him. He cannot become who he's meant to be if remains angry and distrustful of you. You cannot fail in this."

"I will not fail." Cameron replied.

The light of morning was slowly creeping through the heavy curtains. Kyle and Cameron stood in it and looked at each other. Kyle slowly leaned his face to Cameron's. "My last mission from the General."

It was a quick press of his lips to hers. "I love you Cameron."

Cameron did not respond, she just stood there as Kyle Reese took his bag and walked out fully immersed in the daylight. He took a car that had not been in the driveway earlier as Cameron - Unit TOK-715 kept vigil by her usual window, she watched as he drove off.

She watched until he was nothing but a glimpse in the distance. "Goodbye Kyle. I love him too."

John lay there no longer asleep. He heard what his father had told her. He heard what she said as she stayed glued to the window. And though he was sure they were talking about his future self he couldn't help but feel emptiness. **'How much had she loved future John? How much did she love present John and how much of her love for present John was due to her memories of future John?' **


	8. Commands

**fairedust -** I try not to think about the timeline. I love Kyle but I favor Derek/Sarah. I love Derek to pieces. I hate that in most fanfiction people portray him like an ass. He's just traumatized, hence the lovely moment between him and Sarah. As for John, well he has his reasons...you'll see.

**vfergus -** I'm glad. I know there wasn't much interaction with John/Cam but Kyle is pretty bad ass. No he doesn't have to die and you are right. It is fanfiction. I can make him do whatever I want. (Insert evil smile here)

**djpc450 -** They will but I'm trying to do it as close to cannon as possible. John is just hot and cold. That is a pain to write.

**Cptlatnok -** Thank you, I did always question if they had met. Sorta but that line was about the kiss. The fact that she kissed him back, made him see that she was only responding and not participating.

**TK-MR -** I realized after the fact. I'm an idiot. sorry! Glad you caught it so I could make the correction.

**trenth** - Thanks, hope you don't hate me too much for this one.

**Whoo hoo! Another update...oh yeah. Hopefully I didn't screw up on this. I hate acronyms...enjoy!**

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The tension left by Kyle's revelations settled heavily on the Reese/Connor household. So much so that everybody acted as if the whole episode had not happened.

Riley showed up breaking John out his self imposed exile away from Cameron. Cameron in turn withdrew unwilling to engage him while he was still suspicious of her. She did however follow him that would never change.

Luckily she had her own distractions as she became aware of a possible lead from Eric. He still had no idea what was going on with her but she had been able to enlist him in her research.

That week was full of plans on how to best infiltrate the small town that had been devastated by the air and heating factory explosion.

Sarah and Derek left them to their own devices forcing John to stay near Cameron whether he wanted to or not. Cameron approached John determined to end the animosity radiating off him.

"Your mother has gone to locate the best possible connection to the man who shot her."

"That's fine, the records said that he had a daughter about my age." John replied squinting at the bright sunlight behind her. Seeing him squint she moved to block the light. **'God forbid, the general gets sun spots.' **John thought cynically.

"I do not think its wise for you to approach her. This is strictly recon. We are not to move from our posts, Derek recommends we observe and see what we can learn from the conversations around us."

John saw the girl take a seat on the bench. Nobody was around maybe now he could actually do some work instead of everybody just covering for him. "Since when do you listen to Derek?"

"Since he agreed not to blast me to pieces." Cameron replied dead panned. John almost cracked a smile but he remembered that he was still pissed at her. He settled on his usual grumpy expression leaving her standing all alone.

Had she not just lost her sight she would have stopped him.

Cameron blinked but the darkness did not dissipate. Her screen was pitch black so she altered her auditory filters to pick up on the voices and reduce the excess noise. A man and woman were arguing a few feet behind her and another woman was sobbing quietly to her right.

She imagined she must have looked like she was lost in thought. Farther away about twenty feet behind her she heard the distinct voice print that matched her files of Sarah Connor. She was talking to the widow of George, the man that had wounded her.

Derek's voice was faint but she was unable to pick out individual words from this distance. Her receptors zoomed right and left searching for her charge. John's timbre suddenly spiked and she moved forward in alarm.

Cameron stopped to get his precise bearings when his voice spiked for a second time, however this time her systems changed the information and the spike turned to laughter.

**'****John was laughing?'**

His husky laugh was soon joined by a more feminine one and Cameron felt an irrational surge of anger boost through her system. **'Who was she? And why was she making John laugh?'** Slowly and with great concentration she rerouted some of her functions to her face.

Her eyes slowly gained a fuzzy image first tinted in infrared before settling in into its natural color. Her legs were heavier since she had taken some of the power that helped her weight distribution to see again.

In an instant she spotted John sitting with a pretty dark hair girl on a bench.

They stopped their hilarity and fixed their eyes on her. "That's just my sister." John answered the girl's question. Cameron didn't care to hear what the girl thought of her but the dismissive tone in John's voice zapped through her core just a tiny bit.

She was beginning to question why Future John would cause her so much pain. He loved her or at least he had professed to, so why was he forcing her to stay more machine like before young John. Perhaps she could start telling John a little bit about himself. It might help him warm to her again, with her chip compromised she could access the files the General had secured.

She was still saddened by how he immediately assumed that she was just a tool to be used. She hadn't lied when she had told him that she would do anything he asked. The assumption that he would use her body to keep his men in line really hurt.

Only his suspicions of Kyle had been correct. Yes, she had been told to do anything. The General knew more than most how easy it was to want to take your own life. He had shared it with her that if it had not been for his mother and her he would have not pulled the gun away at the last moment.

She had been willing to give Kyle whatever he needed to keep him breathing but that John had never suggested it. In fact when she brought it up they fought.

**2014 - Quarters of General John Connor - Union City**

"Cam, tonight is very important. I finally got what I needed to give us a leg up in the war." He had told her as they retired to his quarters.

"You found the location of the TDE machine," Cameron had answered divesting John of his heavy coat and ever heavier Kevlar. "Will you be sending for Kyle?"

The little joy that had shinned in his eyes grew dim at her question. "I'll give him another week. I'll make sure he has as much time with Derek as possible."

He sat at the mangled piece of metal that served as his desk. His posture screamed the unease he felt at knowingly sending his father to die. His elbows rested on the surface while his interlocked hands covered his mouth in thought.

Cameron had seen him like this too many times in the past four days. Aware that she would attempt to break him out of his pensive mood John looked up at his never aging angel. "I'll be fine."

No matter how many times he saw it he would never become accustomed to Cameron displaying her perfect body for someone like him. He felt like he tainted her with his bleakness everything they joined together.

"John, you will not be fine. There is nothing wrong with admitting that it hurts you." Cameron said closing the distance between them. Her boots had come off with out him even noticing but then when he was being presented with her topless view it was a wonder he could think at all.

"I can't afford to be sentimental. I have to…or…you know," he sighed unwilling to finish the bizarre sentence that signaled what his life was. An endless repeating cycle.

"You can be sentimental with me. You can be anything you want with me." Cameron supplied as she straddled his lap. "You don't have to be the General all the time."

He groaned out loud when reached her arms around him, pressing herself that much closer to him. "Cam, you're gonna be the death of me." he said leaning back and letting her administer her own type of healing.

"That is not my primary function." She joked quietly as his hands finally sick of just holding her lifted her off him and onto the desk.

"What is your primary function?" John asked teasingly.

Cameron answer would have been immediate had it not been for the fact that John was standing in between her legs and urgently pulling down her uniform. He tugged it to her waist letting the garment flop onto the desk while he occupied himself in exploring every inch of her.

"Come on, Cam. You have to answer. That's how we play the game, remember?" John smirked pulling his attention from her smooth breasts.

"My primary function…is …my function…to make you happy…" the last of her sentence ended in a gasp as she got caught up in John's touch. "keep you safe…to love you."

John removed his mouth from her, his patience for the usual game vanishing at the sight of her. Without anymore words between them she undressed him. She stood to remove the last of the barrier but John's patience had ended.

Knowing that she was just as ready as he was, John ripped the material at the juncture of her legs. He was normally a very gentle lover but the stress of everything had gotten to him and only a violent release would allow him to function like he was meant to.

Cameron understood him and did not complain as he roughly shoved into her. He wrapped her legs around him using the desk to balance them. She dug her nails into his back feeling his spine curve up and down as he kept a regular rhythm.

She would never tell him but it hurt her when he took her this way. Not physically but emotionally. He would pour out his frustrations into her and she didn't mind. What she minded was how hopeless he seemed afterward as if he had poured out his soul as well.

"John, don't do this," she begged.

Her voice broke though his violent haze and he slowed down. He would have pulled away but she clung to him. His sweaty body clinging to hers. "I want you to get rid of whatever is bothering you and leave it in this moment."

"I don't think I can." He began but she placed a finger on his lips.

"This is our time. Only ours. Not the world's, not Skynet's. Only you and me. Let me do this one thing for you." She pleaded allowing the some of her neural net to unbind.

John kissed the tip of her nose and grinned. "We'll I can't say no to a beautiful woman."

"You should unless it's me," she answered biting his shoulder to get him back in the mood.

"Just you," he said bending her back onto the desk and their previous position. This time was just as chaotic and perhaps just as violent but it was less desolate. He let himself go instead of losing himself.

Sometime during their lovemaking he had moved her from the desk and onto his bed. They were laying in it and he basked in the freedom to show her how he really felt about her.

Nobody could bother them or interrupt him here. He made himself a promise that he would make up for all the cruelties his younger self had inflicted on her. "Cameron. There's something I need you to do for me."

Cameron stroked his hairline memorizing every crease and crinkle present in his 34 year-old face. "Anything at all."

John gathered his fledging attention. Next time he wanted to tell Cameron something important he would make sure they would both be wearing clothes.

"John?"

He curled her closer to him and she reciprocated by leaning her head on his chest. "If I am captured, I need you to watch after Kyle. I need you keep him safe no matter what. Do whatever it takes."

"No. I cannot do that. I will not do that," she said rising off his chest to glare at him.

Her dark brown eyes clashed against his green ones but both knew that she would obey him. "Why?"

It tore John up to tell her but he knew that he was bound to be captured at some point and he would need a contingency plan to keep the resistance going. "If something happens, you take Kyle and hide him. Protect him at all cost. Derek will take over my command."

"He won't have to. I'll protect you." Cameron said not understanding why John was being stubborn.

"No, you won't. Tomorrow you will not go with me. I want you to stay behind." John hated to command her to do anything but he could have no argument on this. "That's an order. Cameron."

"Don't ask that of me." She sat up completely ignoring the sheet that slid revealing her body. "Are you tired of me? Am I not pleasing to you?"

"No, you are always pleasing… more than pleasing but if I am to survive Kyle has to make it to the TDE machine and that won't happen if you are protecting me." John sat up as well and embraced her. Though there was metal beneath her skin, John could feel her frailty.

He could feel her terror for him, for the possibility of being left alone here without him to shield her from the brutality of his men's ignorance. "What are my parameters?" she asked defeated.

"Anything within your power to insure his survival." John replied laying them both back down.

"All my resources to insure his continued existence." Cameron concluded wrapping her arm around him.

A thread of alarm shot through his brain at her conclusion. **'Her resources?' **

Cameron sometimes would have sex with him fresh off the battlefield. She said it was a way to keep the shock at bay. If his mind was occupied in sexual intercourse then he would not rehash over the amount of lost lives. It was something she had been taught by Derek.

Her logic was sound and he readily took advantage though he knew that Cameron did like being with him as she would get very vocal and he had to silence her repeatedly.

The sudden image of her and Kyle, the man destined to be his father nearly made him jump out of their warm bed and empty his stomach. Granted Kyle was closer to Cameron's perceived age than he was but she was his. He had met her first. He was not about to share her with anybody. It was bad enough that he would soon have to send her back to his idiotic self who no doubt would ignore her. "Everything but sex."

"Yes, John." Cameron replied sleepily. Her algorithms were all ready settling to rest for a few precious hours beside him.

"Listen to me." Her eyes shot open and she regarded him curiously. She was already picking up on his elevated heart beat. "Stop scanning me, I hate when you do that," he growled.

"You are angry, what did I do?"

"Nothing. Just…nevermind." He attempted to go to sleep but he could feel her curious gaze on him. Throwing an arm over his eyes he mumbled, "I can't stand the idea of anybody else touching you."

"Nobody would be touching me. If you are referring to the youngest Reese it would be me doing all the work. He would be too far gone into shock to do anything. I would have to guide him." Cameron said matter of factly.

John deeply inhaled but the anger didn't go away instead it morphed and grew. "You don't fucking get it! I don't want you to be with anybody in that capacity. I don't give a shit who does what. Ok."

His jealousy fueled him with manic energy removing the fatigue from earlier. He got out of the bed tugging on his clothes angrily. Cameron was still sitting on the bed the sheets barely covering her legs. "Put some damm clothes on. I don't need anymore fucking rumors," he snapped.

Cameron lifted the sheet and calmly stepped down on the other side of the bed. She gathered her uniform, methodically buttoning and zipping on her gear. She laced her boots not once bothering to look at John. He felt like such an asshole. They just had been together and now he was yelling at her.

"Cam…I…" John looked up from his unlaced shoes and into her face. She smiled and laced up his boots neatly. She rose from the ground as he dropped to it. He buried his face in her stomach absorbing the feel of her fingers curling through his dark hair.

"I understand. Thank you for explaining. I will not engage in anything of a sexual nature with Kyle Reese." Cameron paused, "I cannot not say the same for his son."

John looked up at her gratefully. Glad she was not forcing him to confess his darkest fear, that she was there in his life and his bed because she was loyal and nothing else.

"I need to check the latest batch of triple 888's," she said and he let go.

He scanned his knees for any extra layers of dust or dirt. Not that he had to in this place but it gave him something to do while he composed himself. Cameron undid the security lock and the door opened with an ominous sound. She turned to the left just as the world exploded outside his quarters.

"Cameron!!"


	9. Priorities

**Next one will be longer...just something to tie you guys over.**

**Enjoy...**

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Cameron…Cameron!!

John's green irises were uncommonly close to her HUD. Judging by their appearance, it seemed he had been calling her for quite some time. Cameron blinked causing future John's face to meld and disappear into present John's.

"Yes, John."

She noticed the strange looks they were receiving from the mourners at the same time John had. "Come on," he hissed pulling her behind a conveniently located shed.

"What the hell is the manner with you? I've been calling your name for like five minutes, are you malfunctioning again?" He attempted to pull her head down. As if just by looking at her port covering he would get an answer.

"It's strawberry. My shampoo, it's strawberry scented."

He quickly let go of her head taking a few steps back. "Why would I want to know that?"

"You were sniffing my hair. I am merely informing you of its scent. I would not want you to look strange."

It took several moments to process what she was saying. **'First of all he had not been sniffing her hair, he had been checking her port. Second, even if he had been sniffing her hair it didn't mean she had to embarrass the hell out of him for it. Thirdly, she was trying to teach him to be normal?' **"Yes, because you are just the epitome of what's normal."

"I can always keep learning."

John felt a tremor of lust shoot through him. **'Learning what? and why am I so curious to know exactly what she has learned.' **"Whatever, I'm on route to the funeral procession. I need you to come with me. You can ride in the back."

"I will take 9mm."

"What?" he said turning to see a wide smile on her face.

"You took shotgun. I will take 9mm. I will sit behind you," she explained.

Something close to relief emerged on his face. "Nice joke."

She followed close behind him. They soon noticed that Derek had taken the truck. Not wanting to be noticed John looked around for his mother. He turned to his right and saw the girl from earlier, Zoe and her friend Henry.

"John, what are you searching for?" Cameron asked him looking the same direction.

"A ride, what else?" John stopped unsure why Cameron was trying to have a conversation now.

"What do you want with Zoe McCarthy?" she tried again, she was being literal this time.

The line of the procession was still being organized so they had a few minutes to talk, "I'm not looking for anything. Just leads that's all."

Cameron seemed to understand but something akin to insecurity flashed across her eyes. "What's going on with you. First you try to kill me and then you come on to me and when that doesn't work you try to sabotage any relationship I try." John paused, "what do you want with me?"

"I want what is best for you. That is always what I want."

He felt an irritable desire to kiss her than shake her. "Want? You don't have wants, you have mission priorities. Parameters set up by Skynet or Future John. Who knows what causes you to do what you do."

"You are mistaken. I have lots of wants." Cameron ignored the protocol that was warning that this was not an appropriate action for siblings. She caressed his jaw feeling it tense beneath her fingers. "I have needs too, John."

He gulped, "like what?"

"I want you away from Riley and Cheri and Zoe and any other girls. I want you to pay attention to me and teach me like you used to." She had snuck her frame beneath him so that his chin sat gently on the top of her hair.

"What can I teach you that you don't already know?" John said fighting the battle to not hug her.

"To be decent. I need to know that my John still lurks somewhere underneath. I want you to be the John that I first met."

John gazed down breathing in her strawberry shampoo. He felt the curves that he'd been dreaming about since that night she slipped into his room. He could almost swear that she had a heart, one that pumped hard and fast for him, like his did for her.

He wished for a normal life where Cameron was a real girl and his mom and even Derek were his real parents. He couldn't indulge himself right now. He had too much too do right now. He had been given a chance to show his mother that he could be the future leader she had raised.

He could not be distracted by the pretty cyborg in his arms. He had to put her aside for now. "Cam. I need to figure things out. To figure out my place here before Skynet. I need to find out if you desire me for me or because you know what I will become."

"Thank you for explaining…" she pressed against him but it was much too quick for him to actually enjoy it. "You didn't have to. I desire all of you…past…present and future."

The procession line was beginning to have a semblance of order and would soon be moving. Knowing they had little time, Cameron dropped the subject and strode to Henry's car. John walked beside her giving her a tight smile.

Zoe offered them a ride ignoring the protesting look that Henry shot her. Zoe got into the front seat while John and Cameron got in the back. Henry reluctantly put the car in drive but an argument between him and Zoe ensued. John stayed out of it glancing out the window. His mind was still swimming from his earlier talk with Cameron.

Could it be that the explosion had opened a door to her Neuronet and if so what could he uncover if he was allowed a peak inside. Would her memory have bits of him in it and if so was he ready to see what she meant to him in the future. It seemed irrational to be angry at his future self for being selfish and hiding what she could possible become.

The fight concluded with Cameron butting in saying that Zoe was not in love with Henry. John had to bite down on his lip. It sounded to him like Henry was in denial. He could sympathize.

Henry told them to get out but John had already seen the police cruiser. He hopped out of the car and dragged out Henry. The boy was shoved into the car beside Cameron.

John opened the door of the truck climbing in quickly. He turned the key putting the car into gear. Before he could so much as signal, her hand gripped his shoulder.

"Seatbelt."

He didn't attempt to fight the grin this time. He clicked on the safety harness and winked at her in the rearview mirror, "thanks mom."

She tilted her head puzzled.** 'She was not Sarah Connor.' **She would never want to be, though the idea of Connor attached to her first name brought forth a certain delight.

"C.C. would be a good name," Cameron said conversationally.

"What did you say Cam?" John asked maneuvering the truck to the front of traffic.

"She said C.C. would be a good name," Zoe replied for his benefit.

John brought the nose of the truck almost on top of the car before him. He was getting annoyed by the slow moving vehicles. "What are you talking about?" he muttered flipping off some guy in a tiny Honda.

"What's it stand for?" The girl asked.

"Cameron Connor." John hit the brake a little harder than he intended shoving them all painfully against their seatbelts. "Yeah…I forgot because she's my sister…my sister…so…uh…we sometimes... we call her that. …For short as uh…a nickname."

Cameron found it odd that he kept babbling about her supposed name. Cameron could not pull up a time when she had been called by that particular name. She'd been Cam and Cammi and Alison but never C.C. Perhaps she would examine John later maybe he was having trouble concentrating due to his lack of sleep. She would investigate further.

The quicker the ride was over the better. These people had to go.

Apparently the boy next to her was in agreement about the car ride, "I don't know why we let you people get into this car. You're all strange."

Cameron turned her full scary robot stare on the guy until he squirming in his seat. "You are privileged to be here. We could always have just killed you instead."

John laughed nervously from the front, reaching back his hand squeezed her knee in warning, "don't be twisted." The tables were turned on him just as fast since Cameron unused to any contact with him since the night in the truck inched closer, trapping her hand on top of his.

He raised alarmed eyes to the rearview mirror and he shakily took his hand back.

Cameron winked at him. **'Cameron Connor of General John Connor's Army. Had a very nice ring to it.'**

Somehow in the chaos of finding out about Zoe's dad, John pushed back the little episode in the truck to the back of his mind. His mom and Derek had found a secret labyrinth that reached beneath several houses in the neighborhood.

Most disturbingly they found the footage of the Zoe's dad shooting her boyfriend, Mike Thompson along with his entire family. The girl and her mother had looked on in horror but none of the Connor clan even twitched at the sound of the gunshots.

Cameron handed him some disks and he quickly pocketed them. They left the McCarthy home glad that the family was aware of the danger but sorry to have to impart it in that fashion. Sarah was confronted by Ed Winston's wife.

Cameron stepped up to stop her but Sarah waved her back. "I want answers," the angry woman shouted.

"Sometimes its better not to know everything." Sarah responded.

John and Cameron climbed into the back and Derek and Sarah into the front. Their own twisted little family. John wondered if his mom really believed that not knowing was better. It was possible that Future John had taken that kernel of philosophy to heart.

**'Just how much was he keeping from himself?' **

He chanced a glance at Cameron catching Derek's suspicious gaze instead. "I need to show you something."

He directed his mother and they drove over to the shallow lake full of animal corpses. "What is this?" Sarah asked her son as they all got out.

Cameron and Derek approached the water, she again took a sample of it. "It is unchanged. Whatever happened here was not regular pollution."

Derek nodded to Cameron's assessment. "How did you find this place?"

"Zoe McCarthy brought us here during the funeral procession." John replied averting his eyes from the poor animals left to rot in the desert air.

The sound of water bubbling brought them all up from their own thoughts. Light seemed to be glowing underwater as something metallic began poking out of the oily lake. Derek and Sarah simultaneously attempted to cover each other as well as John, who had already been pushed to the ground by the ever vigilant Cameron.

The aircraft rose up in the sky spinning faster as it got more altitude. "What is that?" Sarah asked helping John up.

"I don't know." He looked back but Cameron was now in front of him. Her and Derek were glued to the sight of the machine hovering. A bright light shinned down on them and then it spun away and into the night sky.

"That's an HK." Cameron supplied.

"Hunter/Killer." Derek explained, " it's what hunts and kills us in my future."


	10. Orders

**I know that there is like zero to none interaction between John and Cam but this chapter just came out of nowhere. I have the other all ready don't worry but I figured this would round out the episode "Some must sleep..." a little better.**

**Don't worry this will set up two glorious days of John alone with Cameron.**

**Enjoy...**

* * *

"We should go. We are not safe here."

"I agree with the metal. Let's go." Derek said shepherding Sarah into the passenger seat. He decided after everything that had transpired today that Sarah needed sleep. "I'll drive." She raised an eyebrow but handed the keys to him.

Cameron and John piled into the back. Sarah visually checked on John and settled into the front seat. Normally she would never have let Derek take command of her family like that but she was just so tired and try as she might she could not put aside the fact that he had been there for her.

**'More than Kyle.' **That wasn't fair to Kyle but it was true, Derek had been here for her and she had just repayed him with snide comments and general mistrust. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that he was hiding that woman from her. Still he was here anytime she needed him.** 'More than anybody ever had.'** She'd let him slide just this once.

It seemed like only seconds that they had been near that desert hell hole and now they were home. She had slept but not peacefully so it was with mixed feelings that she viewed their home. Collectively they were all aware that their time to engage Skynet was fast approaching. They were running out of leads and running out of miracle escapes.

Any day now one or more of them would not be coming back. Sarah shifted in her sleep tossing and turning until she woke herself up. The strain of several sleepness nights evident on her much thinner and paler face. "We here?"

"Yeah." Derek answered. "Nightmares? Or Winston?" he asked softly so as not be heard by John.

"A little bit of both." she replied popping her suddenly sore back. "John?"

"I'm here, mom."

"Good. I…lets go…need sleep." she shook her head attempting to steady herself. However in her confused state she had already opened the door of the truck and she spilled onto the driveway.

"Sarah!"

"Mom!"

Both jumped out of the truck but it was Cameron that picked her up. Sarah waved them all way including Cameron. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not. You have not slept for three days, 18 hours and 21.5 minutes." Cameron replied scanning her and reading the older woman's fatigued body.

"Have you been spying on me?" Sarah snapped pulling herself farther from the cyborg.

"I don't sleep. I can hear you tossing while attempting to muffle your screams."

John having heard the words coming out Cameron's mouth moved even faster that he already was to reach his mother's side. "Why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you tell me?"

Sarah gripped his hands looking into the green eyes that she had always associated with Kyle. Now all she saw was her little boy who was not so little anymore. She took a good look at his face, it was showing strains much too old for his years.

"She did tell someone," Derek interrupted. "She told me. I've been sitting up with her for the last two days. She didn't want to worry you."

The betrayal was plain on his face making Sarah cringe. "You don't need to worry about me." Sarah responded hoping to deflect some of the anger already shadowing his face.

"Yeah, I know. I have to worry about the rest of humanity. I have to be efficient and run anytime something remotely dangerous comes along. I have to worry about complete fucking strangers but I'm a godamm idiot if I worry over you or Derek or Cameron."

John exploded gripping his mother's thin form and speaking to her as if she was the child. "You are my mother. I will always worry about you. I will always find you and come for you. And nothing you or anybody else says will change that. If you want to continue being a part of doing what is necessary to defeat Skynet than you have better start getting some sleep."

Using what he knew to be his mother's greatest fear, John's eyes blazed into Sarah's as he very quietly threatened, "if you don't I will drop something into your coffee and make you."

"Enough, John. Let her go. You need rest too." Cameron coaxed John away from his mother and into the house, "don't worry, Derek will see to her."

John nodded to his uncle and Derek took up John's previous spot next to Sarah. For her part Sarah tried to glare at Derek but he just smirked and presented his arm to her as if to escort her instead of dragging her inside. Sarah ignored the proffered arm but Derek not to be outdone grabbed her by the waist and hauled her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

Sarah's indignant screeches as well as what sounded like a fistfight irrupted outside. John stopped just inside the door about to break up the fight that he was sure his mom was winning when Cameron pulled him into her arms.

"Cam?"

"I am glad…" she knew what she was trying to say but she was having a hard time coming up with how to convey it. "I'm happy that you were not recognized by the HK. I would have been outmatched and destroyed. I would not have seen you again."

John kept his arms limply to his side awkwardly absorbing her soft hug. "That's good…that it didn't see me then." He looked down at her dark eyes and they no longer seemed so blank, " I wouldn't want you to be gone yet," he whispered.

Had he not been in his right mind he would have kissed her right then but his logical side informed him that his mother and uncle were only a few feet behind him and would surely cause harm to one or both of them if they were caught in a romantic setting.

"Sleep. Cameron. I need sleep remember," he urged

"Sleep is required but I don't sleep John. If you need anything, I will be doing checks."

John was released from the hug and he quickly scrambled into his room pretending that his heart wasn't about to burst from joy that Cameron had shown an obvious feeling, that she had a need and that it was associated with him and not his safety.

The happy feeling didn't last long as two days later Sarah fell down the stairs while sleepwalking. Thankfully nothing had been hurt but her pride. John had gotten a good scare and Derek had taken to sleeping in front of her bedroom door in a sleeping bag on the floor of her room in an effort to keep her from hurting herself again.

"Ouch!" Derek and Sarah voiced at the same time.

"What gives, Reese? Do you sleep in full body armor." Sarah yelled grabbing at the foot that had collided with his heavy body.

"I'm the one who was stepped on. What the hell are you doing up?" he asked.

"I have to pee," she replied her hands on her hips. "Want to come with? Make sure I don't fall into the toilet." she said sarcastically.

Derek apparently did not hear her sarcasm for he got up and pulled the door open, "after you."

"Screw you." she replied grouchily as she hobbled to the bathroom. She was mildly happy that he obviously cared but she stamped the traitorous feeling down. "Let him comfort his precious warrior woman," she growled.

She was not about to start letting another Reese boy in. Especially one that had the prickliness of a cactus and the personality of a mountain goat. **'Though that might have been unfair to the mountain goat,' **she thought uncharitably.

She was washing her hands when one of the blinding headaches she was experiencing with more and more frequency attacked her. Unprepared for its intensity she dropped to the ground barely missing cracking her head on the sink. Derek must have followed her and been right outside waiting for her because he burst into the bathroom in less than a second.

"I knew I should have followed you in." Derek muttered kneeling to pull her hair back as she vomited what little she had eaten a few hours before. He rubbed her back until she exhaustedly leaned against him.

He helped her to her feet and it occurred to both of them how often this was happening. "Sarah…" he began unsure of how to ask. "Are you sick? …Is it the cancer?" he asked softly.

Sarah did not meet his eyes as she bent over the sink once more this time rinsing her mouth repeatedly. "Who told you?"

"John did. Future John. Actually he told Kyle and Kyle told me." Derek shrugged.

"Oh." was all she could say. She was unsure herself. She knew she had dropped at least 10 pounds since moving here and that she couldn't keep half her dinner down. Not to mention the nights that she didn't sleep from the aches and pains her body was registering.

"I don't know but maybe you should go to a doctor." She glared at him in the mirror but he continued undaunted, "I know how you feel about them but you should have yourself checked."

She turned and stepped past him down the hallway and into the kitchen. Derek followed her determined to make her look after herself for once. "Sarah, if John knew what was going on…"

Sarah turned on him with the speed of cobra, her hands digging into his shirt. "Don't you dare breathe a word of this to him. I will kick your ass out here so quick, your head will spin."

Derek covered her hands with his own but she pulled away and began rooting around the pantry until she found a roll of paper towels. She walked past him and back to the bathroom to clean up her mess. She was down on her knees and pulling sheets angrily when his hand covered hers again.

"Sarah, John is not ready to know. I would never tell him unless you did but you should check yourself. As a precaution," he was pleading with her and Sarah knew how much it was costing him to do it. "Please, we're not ready to lose you."

Sarah put down the roll and rose. She kept a hold of his hand guiding it under her tank top. She tried to remember that she was doing it for a purpose and not just to feel his rough hands on her. She could see his adam's apple shoot up and down his throat.

"Sarah…"

His hand was left to roam without hers and he cupped her small but perfect breast. She gasped and neither was sure if it was because it was his hand under her shirt or because they had both been wanting this for so long. "I feel nothing."

"I must be ok then," she said shakily. She noticed that he didn't move his hand and that she wasn't pulling away. His thumb caressed over her nipple making it stand up and shooting heat down to her center. Reluctantly he withdrew from her and she once again kneeled on the floor.

They stayed like that for a brief moment, her on the floor cleaning and him standing staring at his hand in wonder. Both thinking about what had just transpired not more than a few feet from where John slept.

Derek kneeled down and took the roll from Sarah's hands. "Go back to sleep. I'll clean this up."

Sarah threw the towels in her hands away surprised that she was letting him tell her what to do for the third time in as many days. She got to her feet and washed her hands one more time. "Reese, I mean…Derek?"

Derek stopped cleaning and got up. "Yeah."

"Thanks for the checkup."

"Sure, anytime." He answered embarrassed.

For the rest of her days Sarah Connor would remember the day she made Derek Reese blush. She waved goodnight and left him to clean up for her. She found that sleep came just a little easier that night.

Derek finished cleaning and disposed of the evidence outside. No need to upset John further. He wondered at his body's response to Sarah's body. He had never been a timid man. He had left that to Kyle and though he thought that some of his response had to do with that fact that she was The Sarah Connor, mother of John Connor, he also was sure that wasn't all of it.

He knew that even with Jesse in this timeline he had managed to do the same thing as his brother. He had fallen hard for Sarah Connor and he would lay down his life down for her same as John. He would make sure she was around as long as possible and that the cancer that had taken her life would be delayed as much as possible.

"I'll take care of her, Kyle. Just as I promised." Derek said to the sky where no doubt his brother would hear him no matter what time he was in. Derek reentered the house and silently crept back into Sarah's room. He stood in the doorway shock painted all over his rugged face.

His sleeping bag was folded on top of the dresser and what was more surprising was that the covers on the side of the bed unoccupied by Sarah was turned down. Hesitantly he sat down letting the mattress absorb his weight. Sarah remained sleeping and he bent down to remove his hastily shoved on boots.

He placed them gently by the side of the bed and slid his body under the blankets. He remained stiff even after Sarah's arm draped over him. He heard a chuckle and he turned his head on the pillow. Her green eyes stared back at him, mirth all over her usual stern features.

"Relax, Reese. I don't bite."

He did relax a bit and she snuggled into his side. Her nose buried in his neck like it had been there all their lives. "Don't get too used to this," she mumbled but he felt the soft brush of her lips on him all the same. Sleep overcame them and Derek was sure they were wearing identical smirks.

When next he opened his eyes it was with a startled gasp. Cameron's blank brown eyes were staring right into his and her hand was on his mouth. She had her finger to her lips and inclined her head to John's upstairs room. "I have not malfunctioned. Do not look at me like that."

His panicked eyes did not calm at her statement and they opened even wider at her next one. "Your Baretta is missing as is Sarah. She left early this morning. She told me to not to wake you or John."

She released him and stepped back. Derek leaped out of the bed and stepped into his pants shoving his boots on, quickly tying them up. "How long ago?" he asked reaching for the guns in her waiting hands.

"Approximately two and half hours." Cameron replied. Cocking her head to the side she asked what had been on her mind since she had entered Sarah's room, "Why are you in Sarah's bed? Is John aware of your relationship with his mother?"

Derek grabbed the keys off the dresser, "no and he doesn't need to know. In an hour I'm gonna call you. If I don't find Sarah I need you to call John's cell and mimic her voice. I'm gonna go look for her."

"I will call and pretend to be Sarah," she confirmed. "Derek, why doesn't John need to know. You are his uncle and Sarah his mother."

"It would freak him out ok. He doesn't need to be freaked out. Just stay here and do what I say. Keep him in your sights at all times. Do whatever you have to do to keep him home." Derek instructed but he didn't miss the sudden gleam in her eyes.

He could almost see the delight that showed at the idea of being alone with his nephew. He felt a bit disturbed at leaving John at her mercy especially given their relationship in his future but his desire to find Sarah overwhelmed the desire to stay.

Perhaps being alone would make John understand what she could and couldn't be. Maybe this was all for the better, just maybe fate was smiling down at them for once. He left Cameron at the door and jumped into their second truck.

Derek sped off in search of Sarah hoping that he had not just doomed his nephew to falling in love with a woman that was as unattainable to John as Sarah Connor was to him. He would be gone for two days and in those two days the bond between John and Cameron would be stronger than in his future.


	11. Rebellions

**Sorry it took so blasted long but between school and work...ugh.**

**There will be some adult themes in the next chapter which is also why I'm struggling. I have never been able to write lemons and its been a challenge but I promise there will be one and it will be tasteful...hopefully.**

**Enjoy...**

* * *

"John, wake up." Cameron's dulcet tones floated all around him, easing him out gently from his dream world and into the real one. Cameron was in his bed and from what he could tell she was not wearing pajamas. She wasn't wearing anything at all.

"Good morning, John." She greeted him.

"Morning, Cam."

It took John a full minute before he realized that he had already answered though he never opened his mouth and that it wasn't him she was addressing. To be more specific he was no longer part of the couple occupied on his own bed.

He found himself standing at the doorway and staring at the bed with horror even though he couldn't recall when he'd gotten up.

There he was…only it was him but it wasn't him. The John in the bed was older and much more rugged looking. He was also in better shape than current John was. It made him self-conscious about his slim and seemingly scrawny frame.

Older John was as slim as his younger counterpart but that was where the similarities ended. There was nothing remotely scrawny about the man, he was muscular and defined. He also had a five o clock to rival Derek's. A large scar ran down from his forehead past his right eye and to the top of his cheek.

John was disconcerted to be face to face with none other than his famous self, General Connor.

That same Connor's arms were currently wrapped securely around Cameron. His Cameron, not that Cameron made no such distinction as she was too busy giggling and enjoying the General's embrace.

A hollow ache ate at his insides giving him the feeling that he was caving in on himself. He watched at his older self took liberties with her body that John had never even quite dreamed of. He touched her with an expertise born of practice and familiarity.

"What's the matter, John. Are you jealous?" his counterpart mocked gazing at his younger self over the smooth skin of her torso.

John swallowed the lump in his throat at how natural they looked together.

"You should be. He's the one I love. You're just a poor imitation." Cameron said moving off the older John. "Good until I can get back to him," she said approaching John, who despite her cruel words couldn't seem to keep from opening his arms to welcome her.

She chose to further humiliate young John by sidestepping them while she pushed at him.

"Why would I want a boy when I've had a man? You aren't Connor. You're just John, who can't be left alone to do anything." She continued pushing him until he was outside his own room. "Who gets into trouble and has to be saved by his mommy." She openly mocked him.

"But…but…you said I love you and you love me." John clung to her arm desperately.

She shoved him splintering his heart into a million pieces as her laughter was joined by his older self. "I never said which John I meant. You didn't think I actually meant you, did you?" She laughed and slammed the door in his face.

John pounded on the door. He twisted the doorknob over and over until his hands burned but he couldn't get it to budge and he refused to leave. So he screamed and hit the door uselessly as the sounds of someone other than him touching Cameron echoed all around him.

"No…no…she's mine. She's mine. CAMERON!!" he shouted jerking awake. He hit the ground painfully his thrashing having resulted in him falling from the tiny bed.

He cracked open one eye surveying his surroundings. The mellow color of the wall, the tiny bed and the abnormally large amount of toys for a teenager's room reassured him that he was indeed still home and really awake.

"Oh thank you. It was just a dream. Just a dream." he mumbled now quite lucid.

He relaxed his tense shoulders and using the bed as support rose off the floor. A brief trip to the bathroom and several splashes of cold water on his face later John wandered back into his room. He slipped on a pair of jeans, barefoot and bare-chested he went in search of the girl tormenting his dreams.

It was amazing that not even fully awake he could tell there was something odd about the peaceful silence permeating the house. Either that or the dream had disturbed him more than he cared to admit. The lack of noise along with the missing smell of burnt breakfast was enough to set him on edge and investigate.

He was suddenly glad that even in his terror he had not forgotten and had the foresight to get a weapon before leaving his room. He called out to his mother but no response was forthcoming. Derek was no where to be seen but that wasn't rare. Sometimes he didn't bother coming home for days at a time.

He glanced out the windows but Cameron was nowhere around the property. Knowing that she sometimes acted more like the girl she was supposed to be and hid in her room trying out outfits, he chanced a peek into it. He found no sign she had been there at all.

He suppressed the disappointment at not finding her right away. It would have helped to ease his mind and wipe the ever present fear of not meeting up to her standard of what he was in the future.

Seeing no other alternative he resolved to further chance a look about outside. He wanted to confirm his suspicions that he was indeed alone. Both trucks were gone and several of the larger guns were missing as well. He walked back into the house carefully looking for anything out of the ordinary.

Once he was comfortable and had set aside his paranoia it finally hit him. **'He'd been left home alone. Without his mother or Uncle or Cameron. He, John Connor, future savior had been left alone.'**

He was trying to figure out if this was Skynet's latest trick to kill him. Driving him mad would not be too hard given his family history and leaving him alone and defenseless would be a big help in eliminating the biggest threat to the AI's existence.

Well if he was going to die ambushed, he at least wanted to do it on a full stomach. He tucked the gun into his belt and began pulling out all the ingredients to make a superb omelet. He was so busy mixing and cutting that he hadn't noticed Riley walk in unannounced. However years of training didn't go to waste and he instantly got the drop on her.

"What the hell John? You scared me half to death." Riley snapped smacking John's arm.

"Sorry. I wasn't expecting company. I'm kinda home alone."

"No shit." She smirked with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "So you're all alone? Nobody around?"

"That's what alone means." John remarked making his way back to his forgotten omelet.

Riley did not get much time to enjoy her rare fortune since at that precise moment John's cell rang. He answered and punched in a few numbers. He waited patiently until the person on the other line did the same before he began to talk in earnest.

"Mom! Where are you guys? Are you ok? Are Derek and Cameron with you?" He paused to hear and Riley occupied herself by cooking the breakfast that John had started.

"Ok. I'll tell her." he paused again this time rolling his eyes at Riley. She smiled and slid the completed egg onto a plate. "See you soon…be careful."

He hung up leaving the phone on the table instead of putting it back in his pocket.

"So what's the news, Cat fancy?" Riley inquired sliding some egg onto a plate for herself and taking a seat across from him.

"Mom's on some work thing and my…Derek is with her." John caught himself just in time. He'd almost forgotten who he was talking to. There was no need for Riley to know the exact nature of his relationship to Derek.

Riley was not dumb and caught his slip but she figured if his parents were as messed up as hers, she had no right to say anything. "Step dad huh, so where's your psycho sister?" she said around a mouthful of eggs.

John tried to hide his disgust as he was presented with a view of Riley's partially chewed food. "She went to get groceries or something." John said carefully avoiding any answer to her assumption of Derek.

He was hyper aware of the fact that he was alone with his supposed girlfriend and yet all he could think of was his supposed sister. He shoved his food into his mouth in an effort to get Riley to leave just a bit sooner and before Cameron back from wherever she had gone.

Riley was either not very good on non verbal cues or she just didn't want to leave. Either way she settled in more comfortably, taking a second helping and even pouring John and herself a glass of orange juice. John nursed his. He was wracking his brain to say something to break the awkward silence that shouldn't have existed if he really cared about the blond sitting with him.

"Is she really your sister?" Riley muttered nursing her glass as well.

Sadly John had just taken a rather large gulp and he hastily swallowed burning his throat in the process. "What…of course she's my sister." He chocked out.

"Oh."

"Riley, you asked for a reason."

"Do you believe in fate? I don't mean like soul mates or anything but like that we're all born and destined to play a certain part?"

John had known what his destiny had been before he had even formed a syllable. He'd been trained and grilled since he was two that he was important and that he couldn't do what other kids could. He was too important to break a leg climbing a tree or to make friends.

After all, friends and loved ones could always become leverage for your enemies. It had been a lonely way to grow up and still was. He watched Riley paste a feeble smile on her face and he wondered if her home life had been as fragile as his.

"There's no fate but what we make." John reached over clasping her hand, "my mom's motto. She believes that only our choices decide our fate and nothing else."

"That's cool." Riley answered wiping discreetly at her eyes. John picked up their dishes and deposited them in the sink turning his back to give her some privacy. He wasn't so keen on her leaving anymore. She was silent for awhile before she wrapped her arms around his middle.

He could feel her lean against him and he welcomed the soft body against him. Her breath blew across his neck sending shivers down his back. He turned to gather her in his arms but froze as he caught sight of a tell tale shade of purple coming up the drive.

"You gotta go."

Riley peered around him. She spied Cameron walking up the drive and reluctantly let go of him. "You do remember that I'm your girlfriend," she said exasperated.

"I am aware but she's my psycho sister, remember." He said brushing a strand of blond hair. "I'll call you later." He said dropping a quick kiss on her mouth.

Seconds later he was washing dishes and Riley was out the side door and running down the lane just as Cameron appeared around the corner. "John. I'm back."

John lifted a soapy hand in greeting hoping that Cameron didn't notice the extra set of dishes in the sink. Maybe she would attribute it to Derek and Sarah. She walked behind him so closely that he would have sworn that she had seen Riley leave and was punishing him for his deception.

He felt guilty for having her here while Cameron was out doing what no doubt was to further ensure his well-being. His guilt magnified tenfold when Cameron reached in for juice and found a nearly empty container. He lost his concentration and the glass he'd been holding slipped from his hand.

It broke and its many pieces were lost in the suds. John attempted to pull out the stopper to clear out the soap instead managing to grab a rather sharp piece.

"Son of a bitch!" He exclaimed. Cameron appeared instantly behind him with a damp dish towel.

She placed the towel on the countertop reaching in for his bloody hand. She took out the very corner of the piece out of his left hand. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from squirming as she checked for smaller pieces.

She kept hold of his hand and gently ran warm water over it. Once it was clean to her satisfaction she reached around John to grab the towel she'd placed on the counter to pat it dry. She kept the towel on it and dragged him behind her. John had no choice but to follow since she still had his right hand captive.

"Cameron?"

"You need a band-aid." Cameron replied leading him to the upstairs bathroom. John was not comfortable at all with her sudden caring attitude especially in light of how hostile he'd been since Kyle had left. She pulled him in and sat him on the toilet lid.

"It's just a little cut. This isn't really necessary…" but Cameron was not going to take no for an answer so John let her have her way. In reality he was curious as to what she was going to do. **'What had his mother and Derek been thinking in leaving him alone with her?' **

Cameron got the iodine out of the medicine cabinet and within easy reach. She removed the slightly reddish towel tossing it on the floor. She grabbed the iodine and stepped between John's legs. Completely at ease with the shirtless teenager in front of her.

John was fairly certain if their positions had been reversed he would not be so nonchalant.

"This will sting."

John was oblivious to the sharp pain of the antibiotic. All he could focus on was her shinny brown hair hanging long enough to graze his bare shoulder. She looked directly into his eyes and he again saw that spark of humanity.

It took him back to that classroom when she had busted him checking her school record like some sort of cyber stalker. "Is that better?" She asked her eyes searching his face eagerly. He broke eye contact and he received a delayed painful reaction to the iodine she'd dabbed on him. He hissed but his response went unfinished with the sight of her slightly parted mouth forming a pout and blowing on his wound. She peeled the backing off the bandage and wrapped it around his finger tightly but not enough to cut off his circulation.

She then lifted his hand and placed a kiss on his finger. "I kissed it to make you feel better." Cameron replied to John's frozen look.

He stared at her completely taken by surprise both by her actions and words. "Where did you learn that?"

For some reason she lowered her eyes back to the bandage. **'Of course, she learned it with him.'** A dark bubble of hate began to rapidly expand within him. "Let me guess. You do this for me a lot?" He asked quietly trying to keep the images from his nightmare from popping up and tormenting him.

Cameron was putting the stuff back into the medicine cabinet. "In the future… you do this type of thing for him…me." She could hear the insecurity that John was so desperate to hide. "…just one of the many things you and I do together, right? Because that's what you do." John continued willing her to give him a straight answer for once.

"John, I can't tell you specifics." Cameron explained but John didn't want to hear it.

He got up roughly moving her aside so he could pass. She didn't budge and it enraged John further. "Cameron, move."

"No. You are upset. I have upset you. What did I do wrong?" she tilted her head childishly while confusion reigned on her face.

Annoyed at being taken it by her innocent act yet again John faced her head on. "That's the problem Cameron. You don't ever seem to learn what you did wrong. You claim to know me so well in the future, so why can't you figure me out here in the past?"

"You aren't the same. He's Connor and you are just John. He is…"

He recoiled at hearing the exact same words she had used in his nightmare. He had been trying all morning to convince himself that she didn't see him that way. That to her he was both but it hurt so much more now that he knew that was what she had thought all along.

He had been hoping that his tired mind had just been messing with him and yet it had spewed exactly what he needed to hear to get rid of the tiny kernel of hope that he stubbornly kept alive.

"…the great military genius. I know I'm not him because you don't talk about me the way you do about him. 'Connor does this, Connor does that,' I'm sick of you telling me how great he is and all the stuff you do together and how close you are in the future. That is what you do wrong!"

Cameron tilted her head again making her eyes open wide with surprise. "You don't want me to talk to you about your future self?"

"No. Cam. I don't want to hear about the great fucking general I'm gonna be, Ok. I don't want to hear it and I want you to stop comparing me to him. I'm not him." John turned away from her desperate to escape back to his room away from her and the lunacy of being jealous of himself.

"I never will be."

He felt her hands on his shoulders and they slumped in defeat. "John. You will never be the General I remember." John winced at the verbal stab but she continued unaffected by his pain, "he ceased to exist the moment I came."

Apparently she didn't want to have this conversation with his back for she turned him to face her. She placed her hands on his face much as Kyle had done to her. "I explained to you that the timeline is changed when anybody comes back." She stood on tiptoe and pressed her cheek to his. "You have every facet of that John. Being you is what makes you great."

Cameron felt him relax in her embrace but that didn't stop him from asking, "Why do you keep telling me about him…me then?"

"Because…I miss our time together. I miss you explaining things to me. I calculated that if I told you about what we were like in the future you would want to replicate it. I thought you would want to do things with me again," she said taking the moment to scan his face and the green eyes that connected all of her John's into one cohesive person.

"Oh."

"John, we will be home alone for a while." Cameron pressed his good grace by winding her arms around him tighter. "Will you stay with me, just me?"

"No Riley, huh?" he asked tugging up her face which was close to being buried in his chest. She tipped her face up to him.

"No Riley. Just Cameron and John, like before?" she asked hopefully.

John could almost feel the shimmer of the air around them. He had told Riley earlier that he didn't believe in fate. That he believed in choices. Yet standing here with his beautiful terminator…no his beautiful Cameron, John knew that he had lied.

Him and Cameron were meant to be. Just like his mother was meant to meet Kyle & Derek Reese, just like he was meant to be John Connor. He believed with all his human heart that Cameron would be the only woman for him. Whether he defeated Skynet here or in the future he knew she would be by his side regardless of the outcome and he would do anything to insure it.

"Just you and me, Cameron. You and me against the world… and some guns." John teased.

"Lots and lots of guns…." Cameron stood patiently gazing up at him through her lashes. Her other John loved when she did that and it wasn't long until this John lowered his head and kissed her. **'His preferences have not changed.' **

In that single perfect moment Cameron forgot her annoyance at his previous abandonment of her. She forgot about his mother's hatred for her and she forgot that Riley Dawson existed.

John was hers and he would always be.

She just had to remind him and to do that she would have to stop lying about her capabilities. She would have to come clean about the sophistication of her Neuronet and what General Connor had sacrificed to keep the Resistance alive and why she had really been sent back to him in this time period.

"Cam…Tell me about Allison…"

"Come with me John." she said against his mouth hoping to distract him.

_"Cameron. You are not authorized to divulge that information." Connor said from his desk. His tired green eyes pinned her where she stood. "He will not understand, I still don't but I love you. You have to be certain he does."_

_"He can't love me if he doesn't trust me."_

_"I know but that's a chance you have to take. He'll need you." John stayed seated and both were sure if he got up that he wouldn't let her travel back to him._

_"I understand."_

She kept looping in her mind her last conversation with her General. He would lose a little bit more of himself when she told him the whole truth about who Allison Young had truly been and why she'd been modeled after her.

She would lose a bit more of what she'd gained once he knew about Jesse and Riley. For now she didn't follow her orders. She apologized to her other John. She still had a few days to show this John that her programming didn't dictate all her actions.

His room loomed closer but they remained interlocked with each other. Cameron disabled the section of her chip that kept her video hardware. She did not want to replay the exact way John made love to her in the future.

She had always wished to be his first experience just like he had been hers.


	12. Giving In

**I was all ready to update and bam...head cold from hell. **

**Damm Skynet... it belongs to fox, what can we expect.**

**Anyhoo, here it is. I am so terrified this is my first official lemon. Go easy on me.**

**Enjoy...**

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While John had been getting to know Cameron, Derek had been trying to track the last known location of Sarah Connor. He had managed to learn, enough from the techs and from observing John, on how to triangulate a cell phone.

He pulled up to the unremarkable dive. He immediately cut the engine and strolled inside. He surveyed the place but nothing but a few old men drinking beers and one trucker greeted him. He slipped onto an empty stool waiting for the waitress to approach.

"Hey handsome, what can I do you for?" the woman behind the counter asked.

Derek smiled and discretely dropped a twenty on the counter sliding it towards her. The woman leaned forward giving him an ample view of her cleavage. Derek ignored it and continuing to smile at her.

"Just some information. You seen a thin brunette in a black truck swing by here?"

The woman took the bill and tucked into her bosom. "Sure sweetheart. Lots of them pass by here."

The woman began to turn away from him clearly taking Derek for a sucker. "Let me try that again, did you see a brunette in a black truck come by here a few hours ago?"

She had not been paying attention and it less than a second he had her wrist in a painful grip and a glock pointed right at her. It's muzzle was just visible over the counter but hidden from view of the other patrons by his coat.

"Don't make me repeat myself." He said taking a look at her nametag, "Janet."

"Yeah…yeah… about three hours ago. She used the restroom and asked for this car fix up place a few miles from here."

"What's the name of the place?" he asked adding a bit more force.

"I don't know mister. Honestly but I can give you the same directions I gave her." She pleaded. Derek motioned to her notepad and she frantically wrote something down. He ripped the sheet off looked at it and stuffed it in his pocket.

He let got of her wrist and dropped another five on the counter, "keep the change."

Janet took the five and didn't breathe until after the man exited the diner and started up his truck. Hidden in one of the corner booths a woman with dark hair and accent dropped a few bills on her table. She got into her vehicle turning in the same direction as the man.

Back at the house. "Cameron, maybe this isn't a good idea." John mumbled very much enjoying the feel of her body pressed so intimately against his.

"I cannot get pregnant, John. There is no need for contraceptives." Cameron replied.

John's mind instantaneously conjured up an image of a little girl with brown wavy locks and his vibrant green eyes. He shook the impossibility away knowing that she was just distracting him.

"Cam, you said you would tell me about Allison." John began this time stopping her kiss in midair. Her eyes flashed their true blue color and she stepped back and out of his reach.

"You asked about Allison. I never said I would tell you."

John would have laughed if the situation wasn't so serious. Here he was a hormonal boy of sixteen with a very willing girl and he was questioning her instead. "Will you tell me?" he asked closing the distance between them.

"When?" she asked suspicious and a little miffed by his interruption.

"After…I mean later." He asked, "Am I gonna want to know about this?"

"No." Cameron replied but she met his gaze. "You will not like it at all."

"Is this something I knew in your future?" John asked pressing a kiss to her temple in an effort to melt some of her cold demeanor.

"Yes. He ordered me not to tell you. I was not authorized." She said moving her face to the side to grant him better access to neck. Feeling his touch after being so long without it made Cameron momentarily forget what he had just asked.

"Please repeat the question."

"You chip messing up again," he teased running his hands through her hair and circling her port in a manner that was strictly new to her.

"You've never touched me there." She confessed, her words coming out in small gasps.

"Never?" John asked moving her hair to the side and placing a soft kiss right on top of the scalp that covered her chip. The idea that he was doing something his future self had never thought of and that clearly had an effect on Cameron made a cocky grin stretch across his face.

"Never." She confirmed turning those brown eyes on him. "John what else can you do?"

"It's all new to me. I've never been with anybody, Cam." He blushed at his admittance, "you would be the first."

"I would be first," her eyes brightened at the prospect. "I am the first," she assured him.

John didn't have time to ponder the words as Cameron abruptly left his side and walked into her room. He was fully aroused and in shock at her dismissal. He stood there feeling like the biggest moron and reverently hoping that she would not mention this little episode to his family.

He tried not to think of the questions and firefight that would erupt if she blurted out in the middle of dinner that John was a virgin and that he had told her that she would be his first. **'That's something even I won't live through no matter how much mom claims to love me.' **He groaned determining that he needed a very cold shower and a beer. **'Maybe several showers and a full case of beer.'**

He was just about to throw himself into the bath, jeans and all when Cameron's head popped out of her doorway. "John, aren't you coming? I don't want to do it alone."

John blinked and readied his mouth to answer her but nothing was forthcoming. His brain had officially shut down. "John?" she asked again worrying about the glazed look on his face. She shrugged and disappeared back into her room, if he didn't come than she'd go get him.

He thanked whatever fate was allowing him to have this moment and hurried to her side.

He halted just before her door. He smoothed down his hair and tested his breath. **'Ok, so far so good. Ok John. You can do this. Just relax and try not to think that your mother will barge in while you're with your bodyguard.' **"Yeah, no pressure there."

Her door was partially opened but her drapes were pulled allowing little light in. He nudged the door open calling out to her, "Cam…eron?" His voice betrayed his nervousness and cracked halfway through her name.

He barely made out her silhouette before she pulled open some of the curtains momentarily blinding him. His eyes adjusted quickly and widened considerably at the sight before him.

"Do you like it? I bough it for you." She did a full twirl and John was pretty sure he had finally been killed by Skynet and gone to heaven. Because only there could he be witnessing the lovely vision before him.

Cameron stopped her twirl. She was concerned for John, he had not moved since he had appeared at her doorway and this was the second time that glazed look had crossed his face. "Did I do wrong? You once said you liked blue."

She bit her lip in an unconscious replica of what he did when he goofed. "I'm sorry. I was not supposed to mention the other John."

John stepped fully into her room and closed the door gently behind him. He kept his face to the door but he could her padding behind him on her stocking clad feet, "Did I pick an incorrect shade, would you have preferred a darker or lighter one? John?"

He looked over his shoulder and into her earnest face, "You are perfect. Cameron. You didn't have to do anything. I would love whatever you were wearing no matter the color."

Relief etched itself onto her features and she pressed her face against his back. "You are perfect also. Your lack of clothing makes it convenient."

"I bet it does, but you're not wearing much either Cam." His gaze traveled from her blue nylon covered legs that stopped at her thighs with a blue matching bow. A bare strip of flesh was left between where her nylons ended and the thinnest most see through material known to man began.

It too was blue and barely covered her flat belly; the rest of the material was gathered at the highest point of her waist and tied securely under her breast by a set of tiny buttons. The urge to pull it off and unravel her like a present was making itself known.

"Is something the matter?" she asked innocently slipping her arms about his neck. His gaze wandered past her pretty face and straight to her collarbone. He was delighted to see no trace of that necklace on her bare neck.

"No, everything is perfect."

"Then what are you waiting for?" Her words rushed over him and without any further ado he pulled her tightly against him. His hand splayed on her back and he leaned her into the bed. Her clothing was an easy enough task but he was determined to extend this moment

He undid the three buttons one at a time nipping at every inch of flesh as he uncovered it. He took his time deliberately punishing her for their first meeting. He grinned at the mewling sounds spilling out of her. **'Who knew Skynet had thought of this kind of response. It was good, he had to give it that.'**

Only a thin bit of fabric remained to keep John from fully possessing her. Cameron could sense his hesitation as he let his fingers softly glide over her pale skin. She tried to keep still but her body shivered in anticipation.

"I won't break, John." She whispered cupping his jaw and guiding his mouth down to hers. "Do what feels natural."

He nodded and continued to caress her body becoming bolder as she got louder the more he explored. "John, oh." Her surprised cry spurred him on and he quickly divested himself of his jeans allowing them to pool on the floor.

"Wait!" she shouted and he paused with one hand still on his boxers and standing at the edge of her bed.

"Can I?" she asked. He swallowed nervously having no idea what she wanted to do. In his mind, the thinness of his physique was displayed without an ounce of forgiveness in the bright light. **'Please don't compare me to myself.'**

She sat up and kneeled on the bed. She was bare to the waist as she approached him. He was still holding onto his boxers as if he was waiting for someone to burst in the door and catch them. She had her hands on his shoulders and she slowly ran them down his arms.

Her fingers skated near the waistband of his boxers but she remained frustratingly far from his actual groin. His breath came out in shuddering gasps as her breast brushed tantalizingly against his bare chest. It was a sudden realization that she was purposely rubbing herself against him.

"I should thank, Derek." She said mouthing tiny kisses that began at his belly button and worked their way up until she hit his jugular. John had no idea what she meant by that and frankly he didn't care at the moment. She licked at his pulse point enjoying the feel of it moving erratically.

He flinched and he saw the blue slowly fill her eyes, "Don't worry I won't bite."

"Where…" he managed to choke out before his head dropped back to stare at the ceiling. **'I had no idea she knew how to do that…'**

"I don't sleep. We have cable. I watch a lot of tv." She said forcing him to look down at her. A strangled laugh escaped him at the idea of his terminator watching late night porn.

Tired of being passive for so long, he grabbed her questing hands and yanked them over her head. Before she had a chance to protest he wrapped a stretch of sheet around her wrists. He wound the material around them over and over again.

John bent her back on the bed quickly climbing on top of her and tied her hands over her head and to the headboard. Intrigued she participated though both knew that if she had wanted out, she could have easily ripped the material apart.

She tilted her head to the side waiting for an explanation. "Are we roleplaying?" She'd read about several types of sex games. This would be her first time with this John and she did not want to disappoint him.

He smirked at her, "No. I'm not sure of your…ah…strength in this type of situation. I just don't want to explain to mom if you damage the bed. This way we can just throw the headboard away."

"That's very smart. Thank you for explaining. Please continue." She replied settling herself against the mattress and staring at him expectantly.

"It's not training, Cam. I…just feel. You can do the same." He said letting his lips trail along her hairline and down her face and back to her neck. He seemed to really like that part of her so Cameron accommodated him.

Her Hud flashed a red light warning and she lost sight again. She closed her eyes to keep John from worrying but she did an internal scan. She had been fearing this for days. Her Neuronet had been closed off by the General's codes back in 2027 but now the codes had degenerated to a point that she could manually override them and unleash its full potential.

//Awaiting command protocol;______ //

Having secured her, he began to remove the stockings by first untying the ribbon with his teeth. She squirmed but he just grazed his pearly whites along her thighs. He administered long kisses down to her calves and heels.

// Deactivate Neuro Parameters //

He licked his way up from her calves and massaged her thighs until she was begging and panting his name. Her eyes were closed but he wasn't done yet.

// Deactivate Neuro Parameters // she had to repeat the command, John was distracting her.

His kisses became puffs of air and he neared and tasted her very being. Cameron jolted as if electrified and screamed his name rather loudly.

// Deactivation of NeuroNet? // Password______ //

Cameron bucked violently and he had to firmly grip onto her legs to keep them from crushing his head. His boxers were still on but they were soon hastily kicked off the rest of the way.

// Cameron Connor //

// Password Verified, Welcome General Connor //

Cameron had been responding to John's ministrations up to this point by directing only a fraction of her power to the deactivation. She had not expected to feel the surge of power that ran through her fully liberated Neuronet.

// Parameters Deactivated ____Standby //

Cameron reached a peak that had never experienced with her Connor. He had installed the parameters shortly after he met her so her programming had been limited but that however was not the case with John.

Cameron opened her eyes and stared up in wonder at him. "That's never happened before," she said breathlessly. John felt an incredible surge of male pride as the fulfilled expression on her face. **'Take that, General.'**

She lifted her mouth to his and he greedily took what she offered. He pulled his mouth from hers. "Are you sure you want this Cam?" he asked a certain vulnerability coloring his eyes. "Only do it because you want to, don't do it because you think I want it."

"I need to, John. I love you." She said rubbing her nose up against his, "Do you want it?"

John nodded but lost all sense of focus when she drove her leg further into his grasp. Her hips grinding dangerously close to his own. Her hair was completely spread out on the pillow as he adjusted his weight over her carefully.

She spoke his name in a litany as her nails racked over his scalp and she breathed every bit of longing into his ear driving him mad. Knowing she was ready for him, he slipped into her. Her soft gasp nearly undid him but he gritted his teeth.

Sweat was already sliding down his face as he fought to keep himself in control. Cameron instinctively pressed her heels against his behind imbedding him deeply into her. "Cameron, if you keep that up… I won't last long." He panted placing kisses on her breasts as he attempted to thrust with a more recognizable rhythm.

"We can always do it again, John." She moaned as she raised her hips higher to better accommodate him. Her lips were swollen from his kisses and he took a perverse pride in knowing he had brought out the lust shinning in her eyes.

"You say that now," he joked. He was amazed that he could even string two words together since he had not even seen her yank her hands free and was now raking them along his back. She had arched halfway off the bed and somehow they had ended up sitting straight up with her on his lap.

John felt her coltan frame sink them further into bed, her weight pressing down on him and although it was painful, it was also tinged with pleasure as together they reached their climax. Her head fell back and he whispered, "I love you too, Cam."

He woke up with the sheet twisted around his waist and Cameron nowhere in sight. At first he thought that maybe he had been dreaming but the demolished headboard and sunken bed told him that he had indeed lost his virginity to his beloved Cameron.

The smell of pancakes wafted up the stairs and John heard his stomach grumble. He had eaten breakfast with Riley but making love to Cameron had apparently stirred his appetite. "Cameron, is anybody else here?"

"No, we are still alone." She yelled back.

He slipped on his boxers and jeans and headed down to the kitchen. Considering that he had just had the greatest experience that any teenager, no scratch that, that any man could have ever dreamed of, you'd think that he would be prepared for anything.

Cameron would definitely keep him on his toes. He found that he didn't mind one bit.

She was standing by the stove cooking pancakes. That in itself was not original she sometimes did that, of course when she did cook she had clothes on and not a bed sheet wrapped around her toga style.

"I made pancakes." She said turning and putting a perfectly golden brown circle on his plate.

"I can see that." He said swallowing the smile that was attempting to take over his face.

He had a sudden evil desire to have Derek here. Just picturing his Uncle's outraged look at her cooking for him would have been great but her cooking in a sheet would have been awesome to behold.

"I added vanilla to your mother's recipe. I hope you like it." She continued unaware of the devious scenarios running through the young Connor's mind.

"My mom doesn't have a recipe," he said taking a bite of the delicious flapjack.

"It's here." Cameron grabbed the pancake mix box and showed the back of it to John, "see I followed the directions."

John was forever taking drinks at the wrong time because he snorted half his milk making his eyes water with mirth.

Cameron eyed the glass of milk distrustfully and pushed it away from her charge. She did not know milk could do that. She reasoned that it was safer for John to drink juice instead. She made a mental note to get rid of all the milk in the house and inform Sarah.

John caught the look of intense dislike she shot the innocent milk. "Oh, Cameron, come here," he gestured to her. Cameron obediently sat on the edge of the table allowing John to pull her towards him. "You are one of a kind."

"Thank you. You are too." She replied dropping a kiss on his dark head.

The cell phone which had been left on the table rang. John flipped it open and punched in a few numbers. "Hey, Derek….Cameron? Yeah, she's right here."

John handed the phone to her, "It's for you."

"I understand. Yes." She paused but John couldn't make out Derek's side of the conversation so he tucked into his pancakes.

"I will. Take care." She hung up and handed the phone back to him. "We have a problem but Derek does not think I should tell you."

John put down his fork, he stared at her intently. He wanted her to decide, if he was going to be with her he had to be able to trust her. "What do you think?"

"I think you should know. Your mother has been missing since this morning. Derek went after her and I was told to impersonate her and keep you occupied."

The euphoria of what happened between them turned into a rock and dropped heavily in his stomach, "Why are you telling me all this?"

"I want you to trust me. You won't if I lie to you."

He was thinking about what she had revealed. His mother was missing, Derek had lied to him as well and Cameron had impersonated his mother. All of that paled to what she had said last. **'I was told to keep you occupied.'**

"John?"

He rose from his seat and left her standing in the kitchen. "John." She followed him up the stairs and into his room. He was throwing a shirt on and shoving his boots on. "Where are you going? You promised to spend the day with me. Just you and me."

He glared at her but kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to say something he would regret later. He needed to sort of what he was feeling. "I'll be back. I'm going to see Riley." He said disappearing back down the stairs and out the house.

She stood by the window following his form until it vanished down the street. With tears running down her face Cameron went to her own room not daring to look at her bed. She had been so happy only a few moments ago and now he was pushing her away again.

She dressed quickly and followed him. She needed him even if he didn't need her.


	13. Destiny or Fate?

**Sam - Thanks, yes and no. (I spit out half my coffee, when I read that)**

**Mosherguy 18 - Thank you. I will try.**

**TM-KR - Thank you for both you reviews. First, thank you for catching that. I try not to do multiple POV's cause I miss stuff like that. Now your other questions brought up some interesting answers. Like i had to re-read it a few times. (Im dumb that way)**

**As of this point - she is keeping the original blocks set by past Future-John. She has more free will so she can choose to either accept them or change them to fit what she believes. Same goes for this John. It's all relative to how she sees it. (Im sorry, Im probably not making any sense)**

**Standby is what is causing her glitches. The hand twitches and emotions. Standby is slowly giving her control of her entire Neuronet. If she has too much of a power surge she will stop. They will get less frequent as she becomes used to all her capabilities.**

**Cptlatnok - Let me tell you that getting into a boy's head being a girl is very hard. I had to have my bf look it over and suggest stuff. He personally agrees with you about leaving Cam but he does say that John is pretty mixed up...I'm working it from the angle that he is still impressionable. He is still caring around a lot of other people's thoughts. So he will be making up his own thoughts as he sees more of what Cameron really is and begins to really disattach from his mother and understand his own feelings.**

**As for the scene on the bed...use your imagination. heehee!!**

**vfergus - First off, thanks you so much. Future John is correct and Cameron is having to adjust still. John is a moron sometimes but he's a teenager. I blame that!! This is actually the good times so imagine the bad...**

**kaotic 2 - I find it awesome how united in our hatred of Riley, we all are. **

**dc - Thanks. I plan to do at least one other small one. They make me nervous**

**trenth - I'm glad that's what I was shooting for. Probably. John is such an angst fest.**

**talli.b - thank you for the kind words. I was so afraid to post it. **

I apologize in advance for the hot and cold Jameron as Cptlatnok so eloquently put it but I am trying an AU storyline that still has enough of the series episodes to be Canon. For example this and the next chapter are the reason he so vehemently believes Cameron didn't kill Riley.

Yet he still calls her a machine in Born to Run. Also it sets up for the series finale once past Born To Run, the story will be full AU.

Enjoy ...thank you for taking the time to review. It means a lot.

* * *

John stalked up the stairs clearly hearing her calling out to him.

Everything was always so complicated for him. He had always been ok with it before but now more than ever it seemed like all his decisions would force him to choose between what he wanted, Cameron and what he had been born to do, the Resistance.

He slipped a shirt on stepping into his boots at the same time. "Where are you going? You promised to spend the day with me." She spoke from the doorway, "just you and me."

He glared at her but kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to say something he would regret later. He needed to sort of what he was feeling. "I'll be back. I'm going to see Riley." He said rushing around her and out the door before he let her stop him.

He slammed out of the house and hands in pockets walked away from it, from her. He didn't doubt that she was probably watching him from the window. In his mind's eye he could see the bed, him in it with his arms wrapped around her. That moment was where his life had finally become complete.

**'So why was he squandering it by visiting someone he felt no feelings for? Why was hurting Cameron by telling her he was gonna be back after seeing his girlfriend? ****Cameron had a flawless memory, would she check him for lipstick. Better yet with the coming days and the closer they got to Kaliba could he allow himself to care about someone that would die for him at the drop of a hat?'**

John knew deep down that he would never survive her death.

He made it as far as the block where Riley's house was situated when reason returned. He was sick of letting other people's ideas interfere with his life. He was Connor. He was going to save everybody, so that meant he had to make some decisions that were unpopular. Not everybody could agree with him otherwise he wouldn't be a leader. He'd be a puppet.

He was done living the life his mother and uncle and others had tried to foist off on him. He loved Cameron and if they saw it as him loving a machine then that was their problem not his. It was his fate, he would make whatever he wanted out it.

He pulled his cell out of his pocket and dialed his true girlfriend. Her phone rang once then twice and then voicemail. He frowned at the device. **'This had started everything that had happened this morning.'**

He redialed and she picked up. He punched in his code and she punched in hers. "Cam? Don't say anything, just hear me out. I was a complete jerk. I didn't mean to walk out on you, please just bear with me. Can you wait at the house?" He knew very well that she was following him.

He listened a moment bobbing his head in agreement. "Give me an hour at most. I'll be back. I have to take care of something and then I'll come back to you."

John flipped the phone shut carefully thinking what he was going to tell Riley. "Well you see Riley. I am actually very much in love with my sister, Cameron and I'm breaking up with you." He said it out loud and laughed, "that doesn't sound bad at all."

He rolled his eyes heavenward, "What would you do, Connor." The white clouds floated lazily seeming to wave at him. "That was helpful. Why do I bother, like as if you have these type of problems."

He set off on his way but the closer he got to Riley's house the more morose he became. He had been searching his mind but no epiphany came within sight. There was no help for it, he was just going to half-ass it and pray that she'd didn't cry.** 'Crying girls scared him,' **he felt no shame in admitting it.

He was within feet of her front door when Riley herself came tearing out of it. "I don't have to listen to you." She shouted, "It's not like you're my real parents anyway."

John's wave lowered and he observed her. She looked wild and crazed like if she had found out something horrible and it was tearing her apart. "Riley!" he called but she didn't hear him and took off running.

John was alarmed. In all the time he had known Riley, she had never flipped out like that. Well there had been that suicide thing but he thought that was because of her foster dad. He remembered that she had a bruise on her face and how she had refused to tell him who had given it to her.

Cameron had offered to make her talk but he's still been on his high horse and had promptly told Cameron to back the hell off. How he regretted that he had not listened, as usual Cameron had been right. He tailed Riley until she came to a standstill by a set of apartments not far from her house. She frantically pushed at the call number on the door until she was buzzed in. John was too far to see what name she had pushed but he could probably pinpoint the angle. He waited and she ran past the metal screen door.

John silently crept to the callbox and began pounding numbers. The outer numbers didn't answer so he settled on the middle ones. Several people told him to fuck off and two told him they were gonna go out there and kick his ass if he didn't stop.

He tried another and finally a woman with a thick Australian accent answered, "for fuck's sake, I already opened the bloody door. Get your arse in here, I ain't holding this shit open forever."

"Sorry, my mistake." John apologized.

"Oh sorry 'bout the language. Kids keep playing with the dam system all the bloody time. It gets old."

"Is ok. Thanks. Sorry again." John said memorizing the sound of the woman on the com.

He retreated to a nearby store, turning his back on the apartment building but keeping in his sightline via the glass doors of the store. He had to change positions a few times since he was technically not buying anything.

He looked at his watch; he'd been officially gone for a little over an hour. He sincerely hoped Riley came out soon because he was running out of places to wander into, at least places near the doors. Plus he didn't want Cameron to believe he'd forgotten about her.

He entered his last stop. It was one of those trendy little stores that girls spent useless amounts of time in. He recognized it only because Riley had dragged him to one when they had first started going out.

The owner was looking at him suspiciously. John sighed and tore his view from the apartment building. He didn't need attention so he might as well buy something. He walked over to the racks of jeans but just thinking of giving Cam something that went over her slim dancer's legs made him break out in a sweat.

Rejecting that idea he hunted in the tops. Most of them were things that she would normally wear but John was supremely annoyed at buying something that would display her to other men. She was his and he was not about to let someone else enjoy the view.

Sighing at the futility at ever finding something suitable John began to walk back out of the store when a rack full of jackets caught his attention. Cameron's favorite purple jacket had been damaged when it had gotten stolen.

She had worn it today but he had seen the cross of two pieces of black electrical tape on the sleeve and on the front panel. He could buy her a new jacket; that was a safe enough choice. He had never brought a girl anything in his life.

His own mother had never been very girly and she usually just appreciated that he had survived long enough to celebrate another Mother's day with her. He should buy some flowers for her. At least once in her life, Sarah Connor should be thanked and given flowers for her sacrifices and vast love.

The owner was sure the kid was a hooligan and was just about to ask him to leave when the boy turned to her and asked to bring down a jacket. The owner, a small older woman looked at him suspiciously but he grinned and remarked that it was a present for his girlfriend.

The way the boy said it was enough to soften the woman to get her hook and ask which jacket he wanted.

John thought long and hard about it. Cameron had always liked leather jackets but they ripped easily and given their lifestyle it seemed impractical plus if he was honest they also reminded him too much of his Uncle Bob. The connection was too disturbing for John so he shifted his gaze to the racks of jean jackets.

He saw every shade from White to Indigo to Black and everything else in between.

"What does she look like?" the woman interrupted his musings.

"Huh?"

"Your girl. What does she look like?" She asked again. "I can suggest a color that will bring her out skin tone nicely."

John was still processing the wonderful sound of anybody calling Cameron his girl. For the third time that day, John's face recovered its glazed look. He snapped himself out his rapidly developing daydream. "She is a little shorter than me with long brown hair and brown eyes."

"Is she skinny, slim? Is she bigger?"

John thought about his answer carefully, he couldn't really say synthetic skin over a coltan frame. "She does…**'terminating, shooting, protecting me, time travel'**...ballet. She dances."

"So, she's slender then, how about this one?" the woman pulled a plain blue one. John began to shake his head but as she brought it down, the light hit it just right. It was a traditional blue jean except more faded. It had that distressed look, **'like the future she had come from.'**

John liked the irony.

"I'll take it." John said taking it off the hook. He touched it softly picturing her face as she tried it on and then her knocking him down and thanking him. He really needed to start focusing. Cameron was gonna be the death of him.

He followed the woman to the register. She was ringing it up when it dawned on him, "What if it doesn't fit her? I don't know her size."

"Bring her and she can try something else on and exchange it."

"Oh, okay." John pulled a few twenties from his wallet and dropped them on the counter, "this too, please." The woman eyed the silvery eye powder and rung it up as well.

She put the powder in the pocket of the jacket and wrapped them both in lots of tissue paper and in pretty purple glittery bag. John looked alarmed at the bag but the woman reassured him, "it's a present. It has to be pretty and she'll thank you for it."

John reddened at her meaning and gratefully took his change and the bag. He left the store still not convinced but if it was for Cameron he would carry the girly bag home. After how he treated her this morning it was the least he could do.

He was walking past the apartment when he remembered the reason he had originally been in the store. For once his luck was turning as Riley came out of the building rubbing her arm. An angry looking brunette with curly hair was forcefully shoving her out.

John did a double take, he'd seen that woman before. Twice near them when they had gone to the pier and the day he had made out with Riley at the look out point. Thinking about how he had kissed Riley instantly made him feel regret, he had betrayed Cameron back then.

The longer he saw the woman, the more places he recognized her from. He had seen her once having a very cozy lunch with his uncle, he had thought nothing of it at the time but now... John swallowed the revulsion. He sincerely hoped that his uncle had been seeing this woman while sleeping with his mother on the side.

John was not naïve, just because he was asleep didn't mean he didn't occasionally wake up and hear things not intended for his ears. Though he'd been kinda grossed out by the idea of his mother and Derek in the beginning, it had grown on him.

His mother got lonely and since Charlie there had not been anybody. Sometimes a legend needed backup and soft words.

Like most kids he would have wanted his parents together but that was impossible due to the ever twisted time loop. He had been happy to see Kyle and his mother's interaction but it wasn't what he had expected.

This Kyle had been at least six years younger that when he had met Sarah the first time and only a year older than himself. She had treated him like a son and even John had to admit that it would not have worked in this time period. John had quickly seen the longing looks directed at Reese but he'd been shocked to see it was the elder one that held his mother's gaze.

After Kyle left he began to pay attention. He saw the glimpses and subtle way they played off each other's strengths. He saw that every time he was in danger how his uncle and mother would drop over him like some sort of canopy and shield each other in the process. He caught how Derek would leave the house for days but never before doing the dishes no matter how much Sarah grumbled at him.

During the long absences, his mother would pace and not sleep. When he returned she had company pacing along with her and a loud snore coming from her room while the couch sat with empty untouched blankets.

A dark pit of hatred grew in him at the sight of the woman. He didn't like anything about her. She reminded him of a snake. Beautiful but devious and certainly vicious. Something about this woman was not to be trusted. She was someone he would need to watch carefully.

Riley nodded and the woman stormed back inside. John hated seeing people misused, a small part of his mind called him a hypocrite, given how he'd treated Cameron and after she...he had so much groveling and apologizing to do. That did not stop him from feeling a stab of compassion for the blond. She looked so lost and yet John knew his window of opportunity to make it up to Cameron was rapidly closing.

He could feel again that tingle of destiny. He was at a crossroads and he was going to have to choose sooner or later. He looked at Riley sitting by a fountain near the shop he'd just come out off and then down at the glittery bag in his hand.

He looked back again but forced himself to walk on. To the person who was waiting for him, the one that deserved the present in the bag and all he could give her. He felt the apprehension spike and he was aware that something terrible was going to happen.

Something that was set in motion because of him but outside his control.

By the time he made it home he had officially been gone for over two hours. He lightly jogged up the steps fishing keys out of his pocket. He was really shocked that she had not come to the door to meet him, though he shouldn't have been, he had said an hour so maybe she was angry at him.

The house was silent so he retraced her usual steps and wandered out and around the property. He found her in the shed tinkering with something. "What are you doing out here?" he asked.

She masked whatever she was doing, moving her body to block it from his view. "You're late. It's been two hours 46 minutes and 28 seconds since you said you'd be home."

John knew she was pissed by the lack of inflection in her voice. When she got really riled she adopted the robot speak. "I'm sorry I went to do some things and lost track of time."

She stayed by the bench her arms crossing of their own accord. "What kind of things?"

He shrugged. Truthfully he just wanted to give Cameron the present and crawl back under the covers with her by his side. He doubted that was gonna happen after her frosty reception. "Just some things. Come in to the house, I'll tell you there."

"Was Riley one of those things?" she asked deceptively calm.

John was so busy hoping that he hadn't blown his chances at his earlier daydream scenario of her reaction to his present, that he didn't pick up on the dangerous undercurrents to her question. "Yeah."

Cameron picked up her gear and covering with a tarp bunched it up and hauling it over her shoulder and back to the house. "Lock up the shed when you're done." She said coldly.

John repeated her question and his response in his mind. He figuratively smacked himself on the head marveling at his own stupidity and arrogance.

"Cameron wait!" He ran back to turn off the light and secure the shed. Once it was done he ran to catch up with her. She must have raced to already be in her room because John didn't couldn't find her in the downstairs area.

He ran up the stairs two at time skidding to a stop at her door. "Cameron. I didn't mean it like that. I mean I went to see Riley but not for what you think. Please open the door."

"The door is unlocked." was her muffled reply.

He hadn't thought to turn the doorknob. He did and she sat on the bed. The not sunken bed. "What happened to the bed, wasn't it all…" he trailed off.

"I broke down the headboard and disposed of it. I also straightened the bed springs and refit the bed."

He looked for the bundle she had earlier but she had hidden it. John wondered what was in it. "I'm sorry I took so long. I really didn't even get to talk to her."

"Derek called. He located the truck but has not found your mother. If he does not locate her in a couple of hours we are told to run."

"Run where?" he asked sidetracked.

"Texas or Canada."

"What is it with you and Canada? Nevermind it doesn't matter because we are not running anywhere. Unless it includes all four of us."

He would deal with Derek and his mother's vanishing act later. Right now he wanted to patch things up with Cameron. "I got you something."

Her face lost some of its rigidness but the stony expression remained. "It's not gonna make up for how I treated you this morning. It's more kind of a sorry-you-love-a-jerk gift. Making it up to you will require, I'm not sure what yet. I'm still thinking about that."

She unconsciously shifted towards him and a tiny corner of her mouth seemed to lift. "I don't love a jerk," she said primly.

"You don't?"

She shook her head at him as if saying 'poor John'. "I love an asshole."

John was completely speechless, this was the woman of his dreams. The one he was going to crack heads with Derek over. The one that he would have to fight his Amazonian Warrior Queen mother for and she had just called him an asshole.

"I'm sorry you love an asshole." He said seriously.

"He isn't an asshole all the time. Just in the mornings." She replied equally serious.

"Not every morning, I hope. Otherwise why would you want to be with him?"

"Because he's good in the sack."

"Cameron Phillips, that is a terrible and awful great thing to say to a guy." John said dropping at the floor near her feet. "Cameron, I am really sorry."

She twisted her hands in her lap and John was struck anew how advanced she was. "I didn't lie about what Derek said but I would never sleep with you just to keep you occupied. I made you breakfast to keep you occupied and to teach you I'm better at everything than Riley."

John's eyes flew to her face and instant guilt colored his face, "you figured it out, huh."

"I saw her leave the house, she is very loud for a girl." Cameron replied patting the space next to her on the bed.

John got to his feet and sat beside her. "Here."

Cameron admired the bag rubbing her fingers together as bits of glitter came off in them. "I like it."

He rolled his eyes, "inside the bag. Not the bag."

"Oh, thank you…well you know." She slid out the tissue wrapped package and raised an eyebrow at him, "its not sleepwear is it?"

John felt the heat rush through his entire body. He could never even attempt to think about buying Cameron lingerie. He would never make it out the store. Cameron flipped the package over and gently undid the layers of tissue paper.

She set aside each piece and set it with precision on top of the bag. "You're gonna be a nightmare to open Christmas presents with." He mumbled. She shot him a dirty look and continued to uncover her present.

The last sheet of paper fell away revealing the jean jacket. She caressed it with such awe, it was her first real present from John. He had given her the diamond but that had been given with his usual generosity but this was proof of their first weathered argument.

She was about to wrap her arms around him but he said, "there's one more thing. Check the pocket." Cameron patted the back pockets and then the front left one. She patted the right one and felt the hard rectangular shape.

With two fingers she expertly withdrew it. "Silvery Skies." It read on the label.

"You bought me eye shadow?" she tilted her head, her sign for an explanation. Future John would learn it very well.

"When we were in school, back before Jordan died you were in the hallway, remember?" She agreed and he finished, "you asked me how you looked. I said fine but I didn't really like the color on you. It was too bright and I thought you were prettier without it."

"So why buy it now?"

"I figured you should wear a color that is lighter, to show and not cover your face."

She moved the jacket off her lap and laid it on her table so as not to get any powder on it. Leaning over her dresser mirror she opened the case and dipped her finger into the silvery substance. She then slowly and with perfectly even strokes added some to her eyelids.

"How do I look?" She closed her eyes for his benefit.

"Beautiful." He replied suddenly developing what would later be called the Connor stare.

"Thank you, John for my presents." Cam thanked him by doing exactly what John had been daydreaming of all day. She threw herself softly into his arms and they collided and fell back on the bed.

With an ominous creek the bedposts all twisted and the bed fell all the way flat. "I may have straightened the springs a little too much." She said ruefully. John muffled his laughter into her hair and she joined in it.

"John, I like your laugh."

He rubbed his thumbs along her cheek loving the feel of her soft skin. "I haven't laughed for awhile, thanks for that Cameron. Thanks for giving me a second chance."

They remained on the bed neither one willing to move and break the fragile moment that was being created. Cameron's cell rang and she picked up. Several pushed buttons and she was talking to Derek again.

"I told John. He was not happy…." Derek was shouting something on the other side but Cameron held it away from John, she did not want him angry at his uncle. "He will not run and I will keep him safe…I don't understand how this pertains to this conversation." Derek again was shouting but this time John managed to hear, "dumb teenagers."

Derek hung up and Cameron pulled the phone from her ear and dropped it on her table. "Why did Derek just compare you to a small pack animal?"

"Because mules are stubborn and he thinks I am too." John said almost losing his good humor. "Though if I'm a pack mule, he's a jackass."

"All Reese men tend to be stubborn. It's a family trait."

"Really? What about Connors? Are they stubborn too?" he said rolling with her so that she was pinned beneath him.

"Connors are even more stubborn. They are very resourceful too." Cameron said sliding her leg between his, "but Phillips tend to be even more resourceful and imaginative."

"Are they? show me." John commanded.

Cameron rolled them back and now she was on top. Without any reservations she yanked the shirt over her head. She leaned down so her hair formed a curtain around their heads.

"Is that an order, John?" she teased dragging a strand of hair along his jawline and tickling his neck.

He looked her square in the eye and responded, "Yes. Cameron. It is."


	14. Falling Apart

I'm gonna be gone for a few days and I'll be away from my pc. So here's a short one to tide you over.

Enjoy...

Thanks again for the fab. suggestions and critiques. It makes me write a better story.

(Language...I'm warning you now!!)

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**2027 - Quarters of General John Connor - Union City**

"Cameron!"

He'd been close enough to the blast to be thrown to the ground but thankfully no lasting damage was done. He grabbed the plasma rifle from its hook and squinted into the smoke engulfing the hallway.

"Cameron! Cameron!" Huge pieces of the tunnel pockmarked the floor obscuring any trace of the female, not that he could really see.

"John! Connor, are you alright?" A hand came out of the smoke grabbing hold of his forearm. John saw the alarm on her face and the gun pointed at her dropped a bit then fell and she was suddenly pulled into his room.

"Kate? What the hell where you doing out there?" John motioned to the chaos currently centered outside his room.

"I heard the blast. We all did. We thought we would have metal raining down on us any moment. You're the first one we go to, are you ok?"

"A little loss of hearing but nothing that will detract from my job." he assured battling his way through the layers of soldiers now crowding his door.

"What exactly happened?" Kate asked but instead of answering, John yanked Kate from the doorway just in time to avoid a riffle butt to the face.

"Stand down." He ordered still holding the arm of the idiot that had swung the gun.

About twenty soldiers instantly lowered their weapons and the smoke began to clear. Seeing the reclusive Connor out of his office they all shuffled and lined up straigh backed on both sides of the walls. "Name, soldier." Connor growled.

"Flores."

"Flores, next time you go swing a gun near my doorway make sure it's not my doorway." He dug his fingers into the uniform until he heard a tiny cry. "I may not be so lenient next time, got it?"

"Yes, sir." Connor let her go and she merged herself into the ranks. Her fellow comrades didn't even blink.

"Status, report. Any injured?"

"No, sir. Just a few bumps and scrapes." Derek Reese materialized to the side of him.

"Clear the rubble and get back to your posts. Make sure that sound was only heard by us. Full report in twenty minutes. I leave you in charge, Lt. Reese."

Reese nodded and four men were sent to the east tunnels, three to the west and six to the south. The rest broke into two groups. Reese led one group to check that the machines had not heard their little problem.

"Flores, get this place clean and clear." Reese ordered leaving the rest of the men to her. Flores was being punished, that's why it was now her job to clear the hallway.

"Connor," Kate began but was interrupted by a scream of "Metal!"

A hail of gunfire was heard in the hallway and John instinctively shoved Kate behind him. "Stay down."

He crawled on his belly and caught sight of the twitching black boot. "Oh no." he muttered.

"Cease fire." he yelled but the adrenaline had gotten to inexperienced group. "CEASE FIRE!" Connor yelled.

All but one had stopped. She stopped to reload and only then did she hear the gunshots directed at her feet. Surprised Flores looked up and caught a full riffle butt to the side of her head. "I said cease fire. What part don't you fucking understand?" He picked her up and threw her hard against the wall searching her until he was sure he had taken all her guns.

He gave them to nearby soldier named, Adams. Adams held the guns gingerly trying to keep them from clacking against each other but it was impossible with him shaking so badly. Exhilirated and petrified to be this close to Connor, the General that led and risked everything for them. Adams would give him full obedience.

The silence reigned in the tunnel as they all just stood there, Connor's voice echoing around them. Seeing the General drop a soldier for failing to follow orders was rare. He was always cold and matter of fact. It took a lot to make him angry and when it happened it was something to behold. "Think for one fucking second, if you kill someone accidentally that means we are down one good fighter and the metal wins that much faster."

John knew he was going overboard but the idea that his Cameron was gone because of this stupid woman was too painful for him to act logically, "And all that cause you're too goddamm trigger happy. Pull this shit again and I will put a bullet through your stinking skull myself. You understand that, Flores?" he shouted shoving her with the tip of his gun. "Rat catching duty until you learn to take orders. Get the fuck out of my sight."

Flores tried to salute but she was absolutely terrified at what he would do to her if she screwed up. She scrambled to her feet and ran. She'd be lucky if she was given a gun again in three months. It was her own fault, she'd been around long enough to know not to piss off Connor. She might not believe he was some sort of messiah but the man had wickedly good ideas and knew how to lead a team plus he wasn't afraid to get dirty. She admired that even if he had just scared her half to death.

"Where's the metal?" Connor snarled, he was using rage to mask the fear that was sloshing in his veins. **'Cameron, be ok.'**

"It's here." a soldier named Van Allen gestured to the Resistance Leader. John calmed his racing heart, it wouldn't do him any good to lose it again. He saw the familiar uniform on the slender frame that had been in his arms no more than a few minutes ago.

He kneeled moving the graceful head and dark brown hair to the left. That side of her head had been covered by the rubble and therefore safe from the abrupt gunfire. His green eyes searched the damage letting out a invisible sigh of relief at the superficial wounds on her body.

She would need a new uniform. Cameron's head twitched and she looked around curiously. "The blast was big, I'm ok."

"I'm glad. You scared me for a second." he said softly under his breath

This whole interaction played in a total of a few moments. Not long enough for anybody to suspect anything about them or their relationship.

Flores also known as Jesse was just around the corner. A busted lip and blinding headache her reward for trying to save the General. She didn't miss how his hand brushed over the machine's fingers and she didn't miss how the machine's fingers curled just enough to make contact.

**'So the rumors had been true. Connor was involved with the Terminator Bitch. She was the reason he'd gone ballistic.'**

"Get her to the tech's station and have them check and clean her up."

Cameron rose without any assistance and began to walk past the soldiers. Van Allen, the soldier who had originally found her handed her his pack to cover her exposed front. She took the pack tilted her head straight and continued her march to the tech station.

Van Allen looked back at their leader and he was sure that the General had just nodded at him in appreciation. Van Allen smiled tentatively and Connor disappeared back into his room.

Jesse had not missed any of this. She even saw how Kate sat Connor on his cot. He dropped his head to his hands and she shut the door before Jesse could see more.

**'What the hell is going on around here?'**

"She's fine, John. Don't worry." Kate said sitting beside John. She rubbed his back comfortingly and he looked up grateful to have someone else to confide in. "That was quite a display, back there."

"I almost gave it away, Kate. I shouted her name and would have gone tearing through there like a madman if you hadn't caught me. I was so close to just killing that stupid woman. What if..."

Kate was at loss for words so she just sat there rubbing in slow soothing circles.

"Did anybody hear me?" he asked self consciously looking at the floor.

Kate Brewster was one of two people that got to see this side of John. The other being Cameron. "I don't think so, in the commotion it was really hard to hear. I heard you but you were practically on top of me. Though I'm sure everybody heard that rant."

She placed a hand on his shoulder and he squeezed it. "Let me check you, make sure you're not injured."

"I'm fine. I wasn't close enough for anything but a short fall. Don't worry." He said overlooking some of the debris on the table. He had to be better, he had to be able to calm down. Reacting like that would bring his world crashing back on top of his and Cameron's heads. He eyed the table and its lack of paperwork, which had been scattered when he had been busy with Cam.

"Must be some great rubble." Kate joked while doing a general perusal of his person. He need time to unwind and shouting at his officers would not ender them to him."Next time you go rushing to play the hero, you might want to check your clothes are on properly first." She cracked the joke in hope of livening up the somber mood that had descended on him.

He had been so scared for Cameron that he hadn't even remembered that he had dressed angrily and without paying attention. Now with some time before he could see Cameron and talk to his men, he took the oppurtunity to really look at himself. He had dressed rather quickly missing several buttons and his zipper was down.

"I was preoccupied," he said with as much dignity as he could as he zipped up his fly.

Kate took note of the rumpled blankets and his clothes and came up with one conclusion, "I bet you were but you said you and Cammi were gonna lie low." She poked him in the stomach, "when will you learn you can't hide things from me. You're a terrible liar... " Kate pondered back to the hallway and how he had acted as if she was just another injured soldier except when he held her hand for that split second. "...well to me anyways." She was happy to get a embarrased response after what had happened in the hallway.

"I try not to be obvious, Kate but it's hard. I know if they could only see her for who she is they could learn to accept her. They could learn to coexist."

She took his jaw in hand, "no, they wouldn't. They fear them and no matter how they are dressed up or presented they will always hate them."

"Why don't I? I couldn't hate her anymore than I could hate myself." John asked, he was hoping for a true answer.

"Because to you they are salvation from a lonely existence. The family that has never abandoned you. The companion that can defend itself. The lover that will never leave you and die. That is why." Kate paused and John knew she was thinking of her fiancée who had died at one of the many rescue missions launched to get Connor out of Century.

"I'm sorry about Jerrod. He was a good man. A great soldier and the only man worthy of you, Katie." He brushed at the stray tears that had escaped her eyes.

"Go get your reports and try to be nonchalant when you see the Techs. You scare them. Also don't let your temper get the better of you. Hitting that soldier even if the little bitch deserved it, was wrong."

"Anything else…"

"Tell Cameron that you love her everyday. You never know when she will not be here for you to do so." Kate said following then leaving him as he made his way to the Tech station and she to the medical bay. "Connor, make sure you come see me and get her wounds looked at."

He walked down the corridor, his face a mask of seriousness. He entered the Tech station and the timid scientists jumped to attention. "At ease." The men nervously watched as the fearsome man with the mysterious scars entered the main bay and disappeared between H/K blast proof doors.

"How she doing?" he asked the bearded man. Here he was all business.

"Just flesh wounds. No compromise of any of her circuitry or her endoskeleton. She needs a new uniform." The man said leaving to get a new set of chips that were pulled from a batch of T-888's

Connor nodded and approached the platform, "Hey, sweetheart."

"Hi, John. I'm almost all better. I am missing some of my skin." she said lifting the thin blanket and revealing her top. Her collarbone and her right shoulder caught the light where the Coltan shinned through but the rest was in its usual perfect smooth condition.

"Not where it counts." He said with a suggestive little wink. The bearded man re-entered handing one of the chips to John. He raised it to the light scanning it thoughtfully. "Wipe the memories. No blanket jobs. Full wiped slates, if they don't function afterwards then break the chip and thermite bath the bodies."

"Cameron should be fine and in full form in a few days," Eric said gently helping down the cyborg off the table. She thanked him forgetting to keep together the edges of her mangled uniform. Eric's eyes drifted down for a tiny millisecond before running right smack into the Connor Stare.

"I mean, she is fine in a strictly cybernatic way. She is at full capabilities." Eric finished quietly, slipping a jacket over her shoulders.

"Get on those chips right away." John said staring at the man balefully.

Cameron and John left the Tech Station and headed to the Medical Bay. "You scared them again, didn't you?" Kate replied in greeting. She was alone and putting her supplies on the table.

"Especially Eric." Cameron supplied.

"John," Kate said in a near perfect imitation of his mother. "He means no harm."

"He was looking at my uniform." Cameron said standing guard as John was cleaned and stitched up.

Kate looked between the two of them. She was wondering why this statement was amusing to Cameron and annoying to John. Cameron turned and faced Kate, shoving off Eric's coat. The redhead unsuccessfully muffled her laughter, "I see."

A tick in John's jaw jumped wildly at the women's amusement. Kate resolved to help John out of his misery and handed Cameron a new uniform. She stripped off the old one and donned the new one. "Not shy is she?" Kate asked the now content John.

"You have no idea." John replied his demeanor much calmer.

"I can't believe you still don't like Eric Michaels. I mean the guy is in a wheelchair." Kate said motioning to Cameron and shooing John away. Cameron sat as slugs were pulled from her chassis.

"His brain isn't it." John announced and was met with laughter, again.

**Connor Household - Present Time**

Cameron jolted from her sleep cycle startling John.

"What's wrong?" His sleepy voice asked. His arm automatically tightening around her middle.

"I had a dream," she said.

John instantly let go and sat up behind her. "You had a dream? I thought you didn't sleep?"

She turned on her back and looked at him. "I don't need sleep, I never said I couldn't sleep." She was sure that his face looked even more surprised than it had before.

"Can you dream?" he asked laying his head across an outstretched arm. His other hand was busy making patterns on the sheets that covered them both.

"It seemed more a recollection than a dream. I remember details. I saw Future John and Eric…"

"Eric?" John thought a second. Cameron turned the light on illuminating her heavily draped room. "Is that the guy from the library?"

"Yes, he is one of your Techs. He knows everything about my chip. He was there when you reprogrammed me." Cameron explained snuggling into his side. He was obviously thinking about what she had just told him.

"Is that why you were seeing him? Because you knew him in the future?" John asked stupefied.

"Of course, but he is not as savvy in this time. Perhaps you need to teach him or I need to let him check me out. He is instrumental in reprogramming your army and he is one of two people that know about us."

"Whoa," he held his hand up. "One huge revelation at a time. He knows you and is able to fix you. He also knows about us?"

"Correct."

"You only saw him because of these things? You never wanted to be with him?" John asked her studying her face in the lamplight.

"No, I did not wish to be with him. I love you, not him." Cameron knew why he was asking. She was sure it had to do with the bullet necklace he had been so ready to yank off her neck. He was still jealous of Eric. Cameron hugged her John reassuringly, " he is a friend. I kissed him cause you made me mad. I hate Riley. I explained that in the truck."

He exhaled the breath he had been holding and huddled further into the warmth of their bed. "So you have recollections but they are presented in dream form, that's handy." John remarked his hand stroking her hair, "Cam, you said there was two people who knew about us. Who's the second."

"Katherine Brewster-Connor, Your wife."

John's shocked yell still made its way past Cameron's hand and she was sure it was heard down the street past the neighbor's annoying yapping dog and over several car alarms

He pulled her hand from his mouth, eyes wide and unbelieving he shouted again, "MY WHAT!!"

"Your wife. John, she knows about us."

"But…but…I…umm…I…don't understand." he finally managed to blurt out.

"You said you wanted to know about Allison Young, right?" he nodded mutely still stuck on the wife and Cameron train of thought. Cameron sat up curling her knees up to her chest and resting her head on them. "I was modeled after a human named Allison Young."

John swallowed and she continued, "Allison Young was John Connor's mistress and she was murdered in order for me to take her place."

"Who…who murdered her?" he asked shakily.

Cameron looked at him regret and sadness equally mixed in her eyes. "I did."


	15. Confessions

**I don't remember the episodes real well so I probably mixed the episode where Jesse poses as the social worker and the one where Cameron starts glitching with Riley dies episode. Also I'll probably disreguard the whole submarine episode except for Cam's part...Sorry but I detest Jesse almost as much as Riley.**

**Enjoy....**

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**Somewhere in the Desert **

Several hundreds of miles away, Derek and Sarah still apart from each other shivered. It was the feeling akin to someone walking on your grave.

The separation didn't last long as Derek spotted Sarah by the side of an abandoned pick-a-part place. "Sarah!" She was walking with a pronounced limp.

"Derek!"

It was such a happy moment that it didn't register how natural it felt. They clasped arms like comrades but it soon gave way to a hug. "Are you ok? I've been searching for you for two days."

"Two Days?" She clasped her hand to her head. "You've left John alone with the machine unsupervised for two days?" She punched him in the arm, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I had no choice. I had to come looking for you. Besides as much as you want to complain, he's safest with her whether we want to admit or not," he helped her into truck. "Sarah, he would have never forgiven me if I didn't do everything in my power to bring you back."

"I had this nightmare…he was with her… it." Sarah looked at him helplessly, "would he be with her if he had the chance. Is it too late? John's in love with it already isn't he?"

Derek looked as pained as she, "probably from the moment they met but we can still change his fate." He changed the subject quickly no need for her to be dwelling on something they couldn't do anything about at least not at this moment. "I'll drive you back to the truck. I have something to take care of first and I'll meet you at the house." They rode in companionable misery until her truck came into view. He watched until she got in not leaving until he was sure Sarah was driving safely away.

He turned around and headed back to the dinner. Jesse was leaning up against her own vehicle. "Hey, handsome. I was wondering when you'd come back." She leaned in to kiss him but he backed up.

"No more bullshit, Jesse. I want to know what you're planning. I want to know why you've been taking such good care of Riley?" He crossed his arms showing off the Glock in his waistband.

"Alright, business first. Follow me to my place. I'll explain all but don't expect to like it." She didn't bother to see if he followed, starting her car and speeding away with a squeal of tires.

Derek rubbed his head. This time was supposed to be simple. Set up a base, find Andy Goode, eliminate him and possibly see his younger self and little brother play ball. **'Why do I feel like I'm about to betray John, then?' **Kyle would have been disappointed but then Kyle had been much more noble than Derek had ever been. That was why Sarah loved his brother years after the fact and barely managed to share her bed with him.

"I'm about to lose everything, aren't I, Kyle." He said out loud but talking to Kyle was not comforting anymore.

Back at the Connor household, Cameron looked at him regret and sadness equally mixed in her eyes. "I did."

His eyes dropped to her hands which were resting on his. He slipped his hands out from under hers. "Did she suffer?" He had no idea why that was important to him, it wasn't like he had known her.

"We aren't built for cruelty."

"That's right. One for the Terminators. I forgot." John said sarcastically moving his body as far from hers as possible. He knew it was irrationally but he felt responsible for Allison's death just as he felt he had sullied Cameron somehow by making her talk about it.

She just sat there, nothing showing what his mere withdrawal was doing to her system. "I'm a Terminator, her death was immediate." The blank face returned.

"Was it necessary to kill her?" John forced himself to ask.

"No, she set me up for a trap. Like Laurie, like you did." Cameron said it with a conviction that defied him.

"I've never done anything." John began indignant.

"You will and I will still do what you say, because it's you that says it. Unconditionally John. No matter how you treat me or how you mistrust me. I will be always be thinking of you first. I believe that is what you call love. So what do you feel for me, now that you know?"

John didn't know what to feel. He was trying to be diplomatic, after all he loved Cameron but did he love her for her or because she looked like someone that he would fall in love with in the future? The double standard was not lost on him. He had worried about this exact same thing and yet she had proved to him that Future John and him were the same.

Cameron stepped backwards allowing the sheet to slide down her body. "Will you forgive me?"

His answer wasn't immediate and it hurt, "please leave my room. When I am sufficiently dressed I will tell you the rest."

John gathered his clothes not sure what he could say to make her understand his dilemma. He loved Cameron that would never change but he didn't want that tainted by their guilt. He had to know the whole reason for Allison Young. Only then could he really treat her like she deserved. "There's nothing to forgive you for Cam, but can I trust you? What else are you hiding about my future that affects my past?"

She nailed him with a malicious grin, "perhaps Derek is correct. I'm just your whore and nothing more."

John left her room and headed immediately to the shower. He turned on the water as hot as he could stand it. He stood underneath a scalding hot shower wanting to get rid of the guilt he felt. For Allison, for Martin Bedell, for his own father and the countless people that would die for him. "How can I judge her, if I am as bad as her? I kill them as effectively as if I had pulled the trigger myself."

He dressed, resumed his inner dialogue pacing across the living room while he impatiently waited. He wanted to hear the whole story. He wanted to know why he had a wife and a mistress? And why his wife was ok with that? What kind of man was he in the future? Did he have his own personal harem? Was that accepted because he was John Connor? If that that was accepted, what other atrocities were done in his name and at his command?

His cell rang, "Hello." Silence echoed along the line until he punching in the numbers. "Hey Mom, where you been? No. I'm fine. We've just been checking leads but nothing else. Riley came by but I was never left alone with her. Cameron…she's around."

At that instant Cameron came out wearing a red bra and purple underwear. Even after seeing her without a stitch of clothing on he still couldn't keep his eyes off her. She smirked at him but didn't stop until she reached the laundry room.

"John??"

"What…? I'm here. What did you say?" Sarah repeated that she would be home in less than an hour and that Derek was at the storage moving some stuff to the desert house.

"Ok, see you then." He hung up making his way to the laundry room. He stood in the doorway as she got dressed. A pair of tight blue jeans and black shirt later she turned and addressed him.

"I am the first of my kind. A unique model made strictly for infiltration. I was manufactured in 2025 to find and destroy the Human Resistance. My primary mission was killing John Connor." Cameron felt the tremor shake her arm, the only visible sign of her distress but John did not see as he was listening to her story.

She bypassed him and took up her usual spot by the window, John perched on the couch armrest. "John Connor was married to Katherine Brewster in 2025 and I was originally made to look like her. It was discovered by a select group of grays that Katherine was having an affair a few months later."

She wanted to hurt John with the information. "It was deemed impractical to duplicate Katherine. I was programmed with all known information of Connor. In 2026 it was found out that Connor had acquired a mistress. She spent all her time with him and she was deemed a secondary priority."

"Allison Young," John said.

"She was easy to capture by the grays. She was too friendly." It was an insult. "She was copied and my endoskeleton was completed to resemble her. Several weeks were spent studying all her movements. I was to set her free."

"Why?"

Cameron looked out the window avoiding John's gaze. "She would never make it back to Connor's base. The T-888 would kill her before she got far."

John knew her expressionless façade was just that, he had hurt her feelings but the cold way she described the murder was still unexpected. "You said you killed her."

"I did. She was caught escaping. That was not the plan. She also lied. A bracelet was needed to make it inside Connor' s camp. She sent me without it but when she was caught a fellow prisoner told us."

"So you killed her because she lied?" John incredulous that even then Cameron had been exhibiting signs of self awareness. **'Had that been what I - future me had seen - and why I had spared her.'**

"I expressed a desire to meet John Connor. She said John Connor would not like to meet me." Cameron inwardly seethed even now it made her angry at Allison's refusal as if she was nothing. "She was not as nice as I concluded previously." Cameron said flatly . "She claimed that she would never help me get to John Connor…"

He waited for her to finish but she seemed locked up in the memory of the encounter. " I snapped her neck and told her corpse that she already had. I entered Connor's camp that night."

She had baited him, she was purposely being gruesome. She wanted him to be angry with her. "How did I find out you were not Allison?"

"Our intelligence was wrong. Allison had not been your mistress. She had been like a daughter to you. She was only four when she was found by Martin Bedell. She saw you and took to you. You apparently kept her around since lack of women along with large number of males had made some men turn to rape." John's disgust to what the future had turned what where supposed to be decent human beings, was plain on his face.

"I kept her to protect her." John thoughtfully looked at Cameron but her gaze was distant. "You tried to seduce me and I busted you."

"Yes, you busted me. I was deprogrammed and you kept me a prisoner. I did all the dangerous chores that no human could do. If I was damaged you repaired me and sent me back. You claimed it was my penance for killing Allison."

"So how did you become my whatever if I didn't like you?" John asked.

A small spark of personality re-emerged, "you liked me. You desired me. Your preferences don't change."

John ignored the veiled verbal slap, "then what?"

"Katherine took pity. She said you were bitter and that no good could come of you treating me like a slave. She began to treat me like a person. She named me Cameron. It was the name she would have named her little girl if she had not lost her child."

"My child? Was it my child?" John needed to know why his wife was not his wife and his slave had become his very reason for being.

"No, it was her lover's. Your marriage was a lie. She did it to keep to herself. As your wife she had respect. I could not be raped as I was a machine and you had given me orders to defend myself if need be."

"I see, what about us? How did that happen?" He was still puzzled how their lives had become entangled.

"I saved your father. You assigned me bodyguard duty. I never sleep, I heard your nightmares. Katherine woke up and went to the Medical Bay to get you something to help you sleep." She answered his question before he ask it. "You had not slept in three days. You began to hallucinate."

"What happened when Katherine left?" he was so afraid to ask. He wondered if now that he knew all this if he would refuse to have her near him in his future. Even with everything she had told him, he doubted it.

"I sat on the bed and hugged you as she did. You hugged me back and kissed me. She caught us kissing."

"She wasn't mad?" John was surprised, he didn't think he would be that generous if it had been his wife and someone else.

"She expected it. She saw how you looked at me. She did not want to be your wife."

John's hurt look nearly undid her then but she had to keep it together. This would end badly. She had already failed her original mission. "She loved you like a brother. She said I could love you like a woman."

John's hurting green eyes made him seem even younger than his already sixteen years. "Just like that, she left me to you? Did I love her?"

"No. you were married to the Resistance. I was an escape but later you began experimenting with my chip and realized how intricate my Neuronet was." Cameron spotted the black truck coming up the drive and wrapped up the conversation. "John changed as I did…I cannot tell you more. Your mother is home."

Sarah approached the walk not surprise to see the machine looking out at her. She nodded to it and Cameron left the house out the side door and disappeared into the shed. Sarah found her son sitting on at the table hacking on his computer.

"Mom." he got up but her posture was stiff. "What happened?"

"Nothing, just tired. Is Derek back yet?" she asked letting her self drop wearily on his chair.

"Not yet."

"Good, we leave in a hour. I found another Kaliba connection. A company named Zeiracorp headed by a Catherine Weaver." she ruffled his short hair and went to her room.

That day was spent with catching up with what had happened while they had been gone. Sarah had caught John sneaking glances at Cameron several times but the girl remained oblivious. Sometime between dinner she abruptly left the table and the house soon after.

"What's with Tin Miss?"

"I don't know." John shrugged grabbing his jacket he too disappeared.

He knew where she was going but he had to see to Riley and the mysterious woman. He went to the apartment complex and pressed the button not saying a word. The door opened and he stepped through making sure to keep to the shadows.

He followed the staircase coming to a corridor with an emergency exit at the end. He hid just at the corner and dialed Riley's number. She answered but told him she couldn't talk she was crazy busy with homework. John responded sympathetically and bade her good bye.

Half and hour later, Riley appeared running up the stairs. The door opened and the woman with the dark brown hair peaked out. She grabbed Riley roughly by the shoulder and slammed the door.

John inched closer to the apartment. He knocked on the door next to it but nobody answered. He took a look picking set from his coat and quickly made his way inside. He checked the place for people but seeing nothing he slowly waited for his eyesight to adjust to the darkened room.

He picked his way carefully until he hit the bathroom. He figured this was the thinnest part of the wall so he pressed his ear to it and listened. Cameron's revelations had chipped off a bit of him but nothing could prepare him for the argument going on next door.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't." Riley was crying.

"Stupid girl. You have no choice. This is your mission, I brought you to paradise. You have no other purpose but this. She cannot control him. You're pretty, work on him." Jesse encouraged.

"I can't. Don't you understand. He loves her." Riley shouted and John heard the clear sound of flesh hitting flesh.

"It. Not her. It. He is young and foolish and she is a pretty girl but he has no idea what kind of monster it will turn him into. Think Riley, talking to her is the equivalent of talking to John. That doesn't bother you in the least?" Jesse explained clearly attempting to reason with the hysterical girl.

"I'm not a soldier. He keeps us all alive. Isn't that what matters?" Riley asked softly crying.

"He sends good men to die for her, because of her. Have you no ambition? Don't you want to be the Mrs. John Connor. Never have to eat tunnel rats again. Maybe even have some clothes that aren't ragged. A shower and all those lovely things you've become accustomed to here?"

Riley laughed it was dry and humorless. "Be the next Katherine. To know my husband rather sleep with a piece of metal than me. Hear the whispers and rumors that he shares his bed with it while I sleep in another room?"

"That wouldn't happen you'd be changing the future." Jesse argued.

"What makes you so sure? She could always appear later, she could just kill me and then what? He'd still fall for her and I would have died for nothing and you would gain nothing."

"Try again Riley, just once more. I promise that if this time it doesn't work out, I'll leave you in peace." John imagined that Jesse was probably hugging Riley and murmuring fake promises. He felt the bile rise in the back of his throat.

Cameron had tried to warn him but he'd been too stubborn and full of himself to listen. Riley was trouble no Riley was in trouble and she'd nearly managed her mission of breaking him up from Cameron. He'd almost lost her just because some of his soldiers hated her and had sent someone to stroke his ego and blind him to the truth.

He eased out of the apartment and made it to the library in record time. John ran out of the truck and knocked on the door. It swung open and the woman from the last time answered. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, I'm looking for Cameron."

The woman led him through closing the door behind him. He walked through the main corridor and came upon several staircases. The woman motioned to the left one. Gratefully he ran up it desperate to see her. He turned the corner and found a labyrinth of shelves.

He spotted the empty wheelchair in the corner and a blue denim jacket hooked on its handles. He caught his breath from his run but it whooshed out of him just as quickly as he caught sight of a swinging leg encased in a black combat boot.

"Cut, here? I don't know about this Cammi." Eric said holding the blade of the box cutter to her scalp.

"It's okay, Eric. You do this a lot." she said curling her own hand around his and pressing down hard.

A thin rivulet of blood coated his hand and he yelped in surprise. "Geez, did I hurt you?"

She squeezed his hand encouragingly, "keep pressing and form a semi circle an inch to the left."

Eric followed her instructions all the while completely blind to their audience. "Now what?"

"You'll see my port covering. Open it but don't remove the chip."

He did as she asked staring into the silver surface that protected Cameron's personality. "So I do this a lot? Am I any good at it." he asked tentatively running his finger around the circumference of the port.

Cameron's whole body shivered. "You do this a lot and are almost as good as John. You cut a much smoother circle." she explained.

"I aim to please. So this radiation will ensure that I stay in remission?" Eric asked

"Yes, you are important to the Resistance and to John's army."

Eric had been sitting on a higher table to reach Cameron's head. He scooted back and she placed her head on his lap. He closed the port and gently patted the skin down. "Am I important to just them?"

She looked up directly into the blue eyes of the man that would not only help her become more aware but the one who would weaken her Neuronet in an effort to help her grow as a person instead of a machine. "You are very important to me, Eric Michaels."

John tiptoed backwards down the stairs until he could safely leave the building without being noticed. She had said that same line to him once upon a time, when everything between them had been simpler. _'It's ok, John you do this all the time.' _His stinging eyes didn't stop him from starting the truck and heading straight home. He entered the kitchen with Derek and his mother both looking at him with concern. He menally shrugged it off.

"Where's the robot?" Derek asked nonchalantly leaning back on his chair.

"I don't know. I'm not her babysitter." John snapped.

"Wonder where she's at and what she does when she's gone for so long?" Derek mused.

"About the same thing you must do when you're gone for days at a time." John countered.

"A little defensive this morning? What you guys have a nice cozy romantic holiday?" Derek taunted. "Did you give her oil as a present, maybe a gun to shoot your stupid brains when she flips her switch?"

"Enough. Stop it." Sarah shouted. Seeing the bulging veins in Derek's and John's foreheads as they prepared to no doubt got to blows over the breakfast table. "Derek make yourself useful and get groceries." Sarah ordered throwing him money and the truck keys.

"Sure, keep denying it Sarah. Pretend he isn't in love with a piece of tin."

John sat down at the table eyeing his mother. She didn't make a move just sat there staring right back at him. "I had a very interesting conversation with Riley's case worker today."

John scratched at the table with his nail his mood was all ready sour from seeing Cameron so chummy with the future Tech guy, his mother's tone was not helping. "Did you?"

"Apparently Riley flipped out on her parents. Yelling something about bleached skulls and Judgment Day and the end of the world in some huge nuclear holocaust." Sarah's mouth thinned directing the question at the sullen boy at the table. "Any idea where she might have gotten that?"

"Nope." he answered even more sullenly.

"John, please tell me you weren't dumb enough to tell her the truth." she placed her hands on the table looking every inch of her thirty something years. "I just want to know the truth."

John slammed his hand on the table, "I already told you. I haven't told her anything."

"I wish I could believe you." Sarah said sadly.

"Why can't you? You always did before. Or are you too busy listening to Derek?" John snapped, "I get you're lonely but Derek? Come on."

"You watch your mouth. I'm still your mother." she said and the fierce mythical Sarah Connor emerged. "This has nothing to do with Derek. This has to do with the fact that this woman came to the house and could put you on the radar. That she knows stuff that could only be known to someone who has seen or has been told of the war with Skynet. Riley is a risk John. You know very well what will happen if Tin Miss finds out about it. I don't think I have to tell you."

"I'm not stupid, mom. I know. I swear I haven't said anything." John was pleading with her to believe him but Sarah couldn't believe him so blindly. She had seen how much he had changed and she knew it deep in her bones that John and Cameron had been together in ways that would surely make Kyle spin in his grave. "I really wish I could John but I can't."

"Then there's nothing to talk about."

Cameron arrived not a few moments later and John went to his room. **'Something had happened but what could she do if he refused to see the truth. That they didn't know love. They could only pretend.'**

Cameron pulled up and began her usual routines. She was strolling the property line when she came upon a pigeon. It was trapped in something. Sarah had told her not to kill any birds so Cameron untangled it and lifted it up bumping it slightly with her palm to get it to fly.

The pigeon cooed and turned it head to train its beady eye on her. The bird sensed that something was not quite right and began to panic. Cameron attempted to soothe it and would have succeeded had it not been for the sight of John walking back and forth on the porch.

Judging by the look on his face he was talking to Riley. She raised her audio levels and caught the end of his goodbye, "I'll see you in twenty minutes. No just come here." **'Why couldn't she leave him in peace? Why couldn't he see how bad she was for him, why did he insist on hurting her. I can't be anything more John. I can't.' **

She shook her head as the sudden surge nearly knocked her to the ground and without meaning to her hand twitched violently crushing the poor animal in her hand. Dismayed Cameron moved out of sight of John and behind the house. She buried the bird and she felt real fear.

With her capabilities unleashed she was supposed to be able to be more human not make her more defective. If John found out would he think she was trying to kill him again. She couldn't bear to see that look of disappointment cross his face again.

She hurried to the shed and quietly closed the door. Riley had just showed up so John would be occupied. Cameron was actually glad the girl had showed now at least she had a way to look at herself without any interruptions or awkward questions. She picked up her phone and called Eric.

He answered on the first ring, though he sounded grumpy. "I was sleeping, Cammi."

"You were at work a few hours ago." Cameron replied as if this was a perfect explanation.

"Double shift, remember? And I cut up my pretty friend and she turned out to be a robot. That's a lot to deal with in one day. Don't you think?" he said now totally awake.

"Yes, a lot to deal with. Thank you for explaining."

"So since this isn't a social call, why'd you call? Anything wrong, anything with John?"

"John is safe, I'm having trouble with my servos. They are malfunctioning. My hand closed by itself."

Eric thought for a second trying to remember that the girl on the line was not in fact a real girl. "Why don't you have John look at it. He's better at this. I just started my training, I don't know enough to help."

"I'm afraid…he won't want me if I am defective." Cameron confessed.

Eric could picture her sitting in by herself talking to a complete novice and being terrified that the man that she loved above all else would find her defective. He personally thought that if John could ever think that of Cameron that he didn't deserve her. Savior of humanity or not.

"Ok. Cut at the wrist, make it a long vertical cut to at least your elbow. Peel back the skin and check the parts where your ligaments would be." he coached, "Do you have reference to the human body such as a book handy?"

"I have detailed drawings in my database."

"Use those, I'll see what I kind find out with prosthetic limbs. I know its not the same but it might help." Eric gave her a few more instructions and she hung up.

She did as directed cutting into her arm carefully. She wondered if this was what Riley had felt when she tried her unsuccessful termination. Using her fingers she pried the skin open and laid it out flat on the table. She checked between the small spaces of her pistons as Eric had instructed.

She was so engrossed in her arm that she did not hear the door creak open. "What are you doing?"


	16. Resistance

**I know I took forever. There is no excuse, please don't hurt me...**

**"I love you guys," (smiles sheepishly.)**

**Tiny disclaimer, obviously some of the dialogue is direct from the show. I had to weave in those scenes. So they don't belong to me and are property of Warner Bros. and FOX (Who still sucks for ending such a cool and promising show and keeping that junk, Dollhouse) Sorry still a bit bitter.**

**Enjoy**

* * *

"I killed a bird."

John's reunion with Riley had not gone well and it had been even more awkward to talk to her in light of his new relationship with Cameron. "Not the one in the chimney." John still managed to shake his head and find humor in Cam's to the point answers.

Cameron resumed pushing needle nose pliers into her wrist. "I thought you should know."

"The bird did that?" It turned his stomach to see her cut herself open like this and the nonchalant way she was examining it made him aware that Cameron was once again being unresponsive to him.

"No, I did that." she said. "Look," she pointed at the servo. "The bird experienced an involuntary movement of my fingers. It was fragile." His reaction was not unpleasant and had she breathed she would have in relief.

He pulled up a chair and shinned a light. "Wiggle your fingers," John commanded. Two of the metal rods looked twisted but it was impossible to be sure since it was covered with the synthetic goop that doubled for her blood. "Yeah, there's damage but its buried pretty deep in there."

"I don't know how it happened." She was talking about the bird and her look was imploring. She wanted and needed for him to see that she was trying not to kill. She was better than this.

"It was probably during a fight." He said making her feel a little better without meaning to. He tilted his head to better look. "You're not designed to fight other machines." He took a stronger flashlight and shinned it on her shredded wrist. "Maybe I can swap this out but it's not like you have a bunch of spare parts lying around."

She looked away guiltily and then moved away from the bench and to the corner where there was several boxes piled upon each other. She moved them and beneath a tarp a much heavier box remained. She opened the flaps and sat back down knowing she was about to be yelled at.

His eyes roamed over the various collected pistons and pieces in the box. "You're supposed to burn the endos." He accused her as he held the evidence of her direct disobedience.

"Not all of them," she replied and it almost looked like she was challenging him. She wanted a reaction from him and she hit the one button that seemed to piss him off the best.

"Who said?"

"You." Came the monotone response.

"Future me?" he asked and angrily dumped the parts back in their box. He held back the desire to kick it.

"Future you." **…'direct orders passed down by Kyle. Just one of the many things I haven't told you yet. You keep things from everybody but me. I can't help that.'**

"Why doesn't that surprise me." he said sourly but secretly glad that at least Future him was more insightful on how to treat Cameron. **'He's preparing me early…bastard.'**

"I have damage to my hand and now you are able to fix it." She said motioning to her hand. John took a skeptical step forward pulling the box of parts closer to them. He removed a few things and she flexed her hands. He pulled a metal shard that had twisted and added a newer smaller pin to her wrist joint.

She closed her hand curling her fingers around his, one by one and he smiled tightly at her, "Future John has better information than you do." He closed her skin carefully and she handed him gauze. He wrapped it around her arm a few times. He looked at it critically but was ultimately pleased with his work.

It struck him as ironic that he worried more about the one that couldn't die. The white bandage was a blemish on her skin and his face showed it. "How long?"

"I will heal in approximately thirty hours." She lowered the arm warmer and between the two of them they put away the parts just as Sarah was approaching the shed.

Cameron spent the rest of the day cataloguing the contents of the shed under the watchful eye of his mother. The older woman's distrustful nature eventually grew bored and left her alone. Cameron traced her cut over the bandage wondering at John's mercurial moods. She should have been used to them but even with her parameters unbound it was hard to catalogue the sheer weight of what he had to deal with.

She returned to the house determined to be of assistance and keep his stress to a minimum. She had done this role often and though this John was not as receptive or greedy as the other she knew, he was easier to handle than older John. He wasn't set in his ways, yet.

Cameron went as far as the kitchen before she was immediately told to take Riley and hide her. Someone was at the door, someone unexpected. She moved in front of Sarah and John but Sarah actually gripped her shoulder hard. "Get her out of here. I'll take care of it."

Cameron's face must have showed its skepticism because she looked to John. He nodded slightly and she dragged the blonde out. "Where are you …tak…taking me?" Riley stuttered.

Cameron pushed her into the shed and closed the door. Her face pressed against the window scanning the vehicle in their driveway. If there was a problem John would alert her. Once she was satisfied that they were concealed and in no immediate danger she turned on the frightened girl. "What am I going to do with you?" It was a rhetorical question but Riley was struggling to answer her.

"You are a danger to John. You bring people here. You're not good for him." Cameron advanced on her and she immediately began to regret having unleashed her potential. Riley's face was being superimposed on Katherine's face as some of her earliest memories of future John became clearer.

_Cameron stepped forward at the sound of John's distress but Katherine halted her progress. "Night terrors. They happen. He'll be fine."_

_John had woken up gasping and gulping in air. He fell back asleep without once acknowledging their presence. "He is asleep." _

_Katherine ran a hand over her face and slid off the bed. "It won't last long. He'll wake up again, he always does when he dreams of Sarah." Katherine left the room tapping Cameron's shoulder as she went. "Keep him safe." _

_Cameron watched Katherine head to the medical bay ignoring the obvious command. She curiously approached John. She'd only been guarding him for about four months so she was strictly limited in her actions. John wasn't sure she could be trusted yet, he was waiting for her chip to default. He had learned from other terminators that three to four months was the usual period before they defaulted._

_He was talking but nothing coherent was forthcoming. It was just sounds and once she heard him say 'mom.' _

_Cameron had never seen him this human but it sparked something in her code. His eyes were open and he was staring vacantly at her. She twisted on the spot adjusting her sightlines to match his. He was looking left of her and staring past at a point somewhere near the door through which Katherine disappeared. _

_Cameron did a mental layout of the compound, calculating that Katherine would not arrive for another 15 minutes. She sat at the edge of the bed and his gaze shifted to her, his eyes a bit unfocused with the last dregs of sleep. He wasn't suprised to see her sitting so close to him. His stress level was skyrocketing as Katherine's absence became more pronounced._

_"Did you hurt her?" came his raspy inquiry._

_"I have no orders concerning Katherine Connor." She concluded that at this rate he would either leave and lose the much needed rest his body was begging for or shoot her right in the chip. _

_"Only me, right." was his gruff reply._

_She had no data on how to engage him when he was disturbed. "yes, I have instructions for you. I am to keep you safe."_

_"Just what are you keeping me safe from?"_

_"Anything that is detrimental to your health." she said noting his proximity to her sitting form had increased._

_"Mental or physical? Does it make a difference?"_

_"Your health in general is my job. Whatever is within my parameters," she replied. "I do what others cannot." _

_Those had been his words to her when she had first been caught. She had asked why he fought an unwinnable war. John Connor was a complex human and he was teaching her a little bit every day by his sheer commitment to the Resistance to be more that what she was. She wished to put him a ease, no doubt an influence from her Allison Young subroutine, but those were things her creator had not taught her._

_Her hud flashed and a playback of a few night ago emerged. She studied the images of John's wife comforting him. With slow deliberate moments so as not to startle him, she gently slid her hand over his. She scooted her body closer and he let her hold him stiffly as if he didn't want it but was desperately craving it. _

_Her other hand imitated Katherine's soothing gestures and his back lost its tension. He turned to look at her and she raised her internal temp just a fragment to combat his clammy skin. He leaned and she let the momentum carry her backwards, with him balanced precariously above her._

_"I bet your creator's programming is more than capable of taking this." he said with an air of disgust that could have been directed at her or himself._

_Cameron engaged him in response. His lips were dry and cracked. His nose was crooked just a little bit from being broken more than once and not setting it right. His eyes were darker up close, if she could have felt fear she would have. A thrill of something did spark through her at their closeness to her own simulated brown eyes. His skin was blemish free save for the scar over his eye._

_She traced the still healing wounds with one finger and he shuddered. Her exploration continued to his whiskered face, "you have more facial hair that i had previously observed. You should shave..." he stared at her with a mix of wonder and resignation. "I am capable of doing it if you should require it."_

_John pressed him mouth down on hers and she went quiet..._

Cameron snapped from the memories. Her systems could no longer keep all her emotions separate and the information overload was making her stagger as if drunk. Her hand twitched and Riley's scared face registered but the momentary guilt was pushed aside in favor of her anger. Cameron was sick of standing around as other women were constantly being thrown at John just to keep him away from her.

She was sick of being shoved aside. Worst yet she was sick that John had clearly not broken things off with the human. "I can't let you leave but I can't let you go. So what I am going to do with you?"

This time Riley was ready. "You're not going to do anything. I'm John's girlfriend. I'm his girlfriend and you're just his sister." Riley repeated it like a mantra but she still backed up at the raw hatred on the machine's face. **'It's a machine, it's not supposed to feel anything…it's not supposed to feel at all.' **

"What am I gonna do with you?" Cameron repeated her head twitching to the side alarmingly.

"You can't do anything, you're just his sister." Riley cried gripping onto her own wrists and digging her nails painfully into the half healed cuts. **'I don't want to do this. I don't want to compete with you. I give up, he's yours and you can have him but don't kill me, please.' **she begged silently.

The door swung open and John appeared. He took one look at the occupants and sighed to himself. Riley was plastered against the back wall and Cameron was facing her, her hands clenched and her stance screaming her intent to kill the girl. "Riley, come here."

"John, John. Oh God, John." Riley rushed to him. She clung to him and looked at him with worship in her eyes. He looked away from her, he couldn't handle the obvious adoration she was piling on him. "Wait for me outside." Her eyes widened in panic but he urged her on.

Once she was gone he closed the door with a bang and turned reproachful eyes on Cameron. "Where you going to kill her?"

Cameron blinked at his abrupt question. He was becoming more and more like the John she was remembering. He was becoming the type of man that could access a situation in a heartbeat and even Riley was acknowledging his utter authority. "I don't know what I was going to do," she answered truthfully.

"Since when is it a choice?" he asked with a barely concealed edge of disbelief.

"It's not." she said just as surprised by her answer as he was. She would have liked to say I have more control. I can appreciate life a little better. I can see it would hurt you. I don't ever want to hurt you. I want so many things that I can't give you.

She said nothing and John took the opportunity. "What is up with you?"

"I don't know."

Her answer did nothing but set his face in a frown. With out further questioning John left her alone contemplating when it had become so hard to protect John from himself. **'Since when had he begun the lonely path that had been planned for him. Since when did she begin to deviate from the plan and what would happen if she didn't do what she'd been told to do by his future self.'**

A confrontation between Riley and John ensued which neither Sarah nor Cameron were privy to. They went their separate ways both with shinny and tear filled eyes but neither gave in. Cameron saw John disappear back into the house with Sarah on his tail.

Cameron followed Riley home and then joined Eric. He was surprised to see her at his door but he let her in. She followed him to his room and he gently closed the door. She allowed herself to give in and tell him what she was being forced to do, what she had to do because she loved John.

She exhausted herself and Eric held her for a few hours pretending he was what she needed.

At the Connor household new lines were being established and Sarah's absolute rule was being challenged by John, who retreated making sure he could see Riley standing off to the side of his porch before he turned to talk to his mother.

They argued about Riley's stability and Cameron's general trustworthiness and he was distracted long enough that he lost sight of both girls. He looked away for a second and Riley was gone again and Cameron was nowhere to be seen either. He hurried outside and prayed that they were not together.

Cameron returned several hours later only to find Sarah burning the left over skeletons. Cameron didn't care for Sarah's tone but she allowed the woman to say her piece.

"John is John's problem. We all are." Cameron stated.

"Alone?" Sarah's love of John forced her to ask of Cameron what she couldn't ask of anybody else. She didn't want to hear it. It was doubly hard to see confirmation of it in the girl's broken expression.

"It's what he was born for." Cameron replied, burning her dreams of her being with him along with the skeletons that were in the pit. Her true blue blazing in its hopelessness.

John had a sleepless night. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Riley's tear stained face and Cameron's impassive one behind her. She had that look he hated. The one that said he had to do something cruel because only John Connor could do it.

He wiped a sweaty hand across his forehead and followed his feelings to Cameron's room. He pushed the door open but her room was empty and dark. It was hard to believe that only a few hours ago he had been laying beside her and talking about their future if they managed to defeat Skynet.

He laughed at himself. **'Still stupid and naïve, John. You don't get what everybody does, you have no other purpose and the sooner you learn that the less miserable you will be.' **

He spent the night in her bed and managed to sleep for a few hours but when he woke up he felt even worse than before. He had to help Riley out of whatever jam she was in and break it all off. Including what he had with Cameron.

It was only confusing him further and endangering her. She loved him but how long would he last if the unthinkable happened and she was taken out. Determined that his new course of action was the best for all involved gave him a sense of direction. He showered, changed and found his cell.

He called Riley but got no answer. He called her foster parents but they too had no idea where she was and he was told that the school had called to say that she had not shown up. A cold dread filled him and he recalled her disappearing act from the day before.

He went to the apartment complex but the corresponding parking space was empty. A puddle of oil the only remnant of a vehicle having been there. He crouched on his heels and looked at the puddle again. At the very edge there was a single dark drop.

John closed his eyes willing the image away before he rose and headed back home to the person he most wanted to be with and get away from at the same time. He pulled into the house grateful that both Sarah and Derek were gone.

It was better this way, he didn't want an audience. If she did it he wanted to be the only one who knew. He wanted to know and then forget it in her arms. He didn't dwell on the screwed up part of that equation.

"I can't find her," was his greeting to the woman inside.

Cameron did not look up. She told John what she thought he would like to hear, "she's out there, she'll call you. Eventually she always does."

"Cameron, did you?"

"You know I didn't," his pained tone was not lost on her but she could not indulge it. She had to push him away for his sake. She had to let what they had, start to die.

Her coldness had the desired effect and he switched gears. "What have you been doing? you've been out here for hours." he leaned closer to see what she was doing.

"Making something…" she put aside the scissors and fastened the two sides of the chain"… for you."

In that moment he recalled her working on something the day he'd come home with her present. He forgot that he was supposed to be ending things. He forgot that he wasn't supposed to look so deep into those eyes. "Wha..what is it?"

She schooled her face to resemble its previous blankness and she hid the tremor in her hands as she held the chain between them. She imagined letting her fingers brush the fine hairs at his neck and allowing herself one last touch before she ripped her own desires out. "You tried to fix me. Twice now. It's not working."

"…and?" he gulped fighting the urge to close his eyes and lean into her if only to touch accidentally.

"I'm not capable of self termination." She continued gazing at him with all the love she could muster. She wished she could stop saying goodbye. She wished that this was the only time she had to do this.

"Suicide."

One or both of them noticed the sound of tires in the driveway but this was more important. "I can't kill myself but you can."

He had just lost Riley and though he hadn't cared like he should have, he felt it more keenly because of this. "Why would I want to kill you?" **…it be like killing myself.' **was his unfinished statement.

"You might have to someday." He opened the locket. The tiny buttons mocked him with their simplicity. With one touch she would be obliterated and his life would cease to have the dual joy and sorrow that he had come to associate with loving his terminator. "I've implanted an explosive near my chip. it's a small amount but its enough."

"Enough?"

She placed the chain over his head, "all you have to do is hit the switch." It sounded so quick and painless but they both knew it would be anything but. Their lives were interconnected in loops and strange twists that had resulted from sending her back every time they met again.

"What would future John do now?" he asked thickly, fingering the chain. He could see the dedication and thoughtfulness of his present. That made its reason for being so much more unbearable.

"Future John doesn't live here. You do."

_"Cameron. I have to send you away. I can't have them try to hurt you again. I rather see you gone that be destroyed. Promise not to let us fall together in any way that you can. Be happy without me."_

_"I'll only be happy with you…" she trailed off stepping into the marked circle of the TDE_

_"Cameron Connor…" he shouted into the bubble and Eric left the chamber to give Connor one last moment of private heartache._

_Cameron turned and dropped to her knees as the electricity began to crackle. "Pull the switch, John. I already know what you're going to say… and I do too."_

_Connor pulled the switch and the room exploded with light. Eric came back partially blinded but the dazzling light could not hide the man hunched over the controls. Eric made sure nobody saw him guide the stricken man back to his now empty quarters._

_Cameron hit the pavement and she scanned the sky."…you are the resistance." his voice echoed in the alleyway just as Cameron abandoned it to find him again._


	17. Ideas

**See, I told you I would update. **

**Thanks for the reviews on A Whale, A Tale and a Bunch of Little Houses. It lifted my little heart. **

**You guys rock!!**

* * *

He left the shed with a mixture of emotions tearing through him. **'If she had done it, how was he supposed to conceal it from them?' **A bird lying on its side caught his eye. The watch she had given him felt heavier now. He knelt gently turning the animal over, "what am I gonna do about you, Cameron." Grass hid part of it remains and John did the rest.

He stayed coped up in his room never bothering to say anything to his mother. Derek left again with a meaningful glance directed towards Cameron and Sarah sat in the kitchen absentmindedly cleaning her rifle. **'What a cheerful family we are. Kyle what would you do?'**

Sarah had meant to talk to Cameron herself but she was distracted by Casey. Since having giving birth Casey had turned even friendlier if that was humanly possible. "It's a shame you guys are moving." Casey began eyeing Sarah' various boxes.

"My job is being outsourced and well I just would like a new change of scenery for John."

"And Cameron." Casey supplied.

"Of course." Sarah figured is she continued giving short non-committal answers that Casey would take the hint and leave.

"Can't blame you. There's so much violence everywhere now a days. I just heard that the police pulled some poor girl out of the river." Casey continued oblivious of Sarah's now extreme interest.

"A girl? When?"

"This morning. Some cute little blond. She was probably from some little town and came out to be a actress or something. Trevor says all they have to go on is some scars from an attempted suicide and a tattoo right here," Casey demonstrated on her own wrist. "A pretty little star. Poor thing, dreams die hard." Casey said sadly.

Sarah smiled tightly. Casey left soon after unaware of the bomb she had just dropped.

John had returned from his self imposed exile and gone to the garage. Cameron was now cataloguing the remaining parts. "Great it looks like a robot serial killer lives here. I guess one does."

She added up the parts keeping a mental tally. "I'm doing inventory."

"Well great, but don't do it here." He looked behind him, "we need to clear all these things out before mom finds it." He crossed his arms, "dig a hole in the back below the retaining wall. We'll bury the parts and come back for them later. We have to find a place to burn them."

Cameron looked impassively at him as if saying. _'So you reached a decision.' _

"And we will burn them."

The rest of the afternoon was spent with her digging a hole and him keeping watch. Several times a nosy neighbor would come out and Cameron would wave at them with a shovel. John groaned, "people are gonna think we're the Mansons."

Cameron shrugged and between her and John dragged most of the endoskeletons into the hole. "Do not come back for them, understand."

Cameron nodded. **'Oh great, we're back to the master routine. I hate that.' **John thought as she followed all his directives without once complaining or bringing any type of commentary to their situation. They went back to the shed with him following her unwilling to let her out of his sight. She grabbed some rags and wiped down the surfaces. After what seemed like hours she pulled out the last of the boxes.

"Is this the last of it?"

"Yes, it is." She answered placing the half empty box on the table.

John watched her precise movements and his mind recalled how she had looked when she'd been lying beneath him. **'Man, how I want her again.'**

"I can do the rest myself."

"Cameron. Exactly what where you told by my father when he came?"

Cameron reached for a set of metal forearms but she faltered at his question. "I cannot tell you. It's a direct order from you. I don't have the power to overwrite it."

"Future John strikes again." He placed his hand over hers, "if you could, would you?"

She was saved from answering by the footsteps outside, "you're mother is coming."

"Alright quick hide the stuff." They quickly threw the last box beneath the others just as Sarah crossed the door.

"I need to talk to John. Alone"

Cameron looked at the teenager and he nodded. She left the garage noting that night had fallen.

"Goodbye bird, there's a fifty one percent chance I wouldn't have killed you," Cameron said in farewell as the bird took off into the night sky. She tuned her audio receptors focusing on Sarah. She needed to make sure that Sarah did not compromise her mission. _"They found Riley. She was shot."_

She heard John's breath hitch and Cameron looked down at her twitching hand. Time was running out. She turned to comfort him ignoring the fact that she wasn't supposed to know. He looked past her as he made his way into the darkened house.

"Cameron?" Sarah accused.

"I know. I heard. Riley is dead." Cameron answered and headed immediately after John.

Derek was busy keeping an eye on the lawyer they were after. His glass was full and the girl next to him was beginning to grate on his nerves. Any other night he would have given her a chance. "I'm here for business not pleasure."

"That one? What's he do?" the woman asked shaking her glass lightly.

"Lawyer." Derek responded finishing off his drink. "He ever buy you a drink?"

"One or twice."

"How did the muscle feel about that?" Derek queried raising a glass to the man at the end of the bar.

"Sometimes it's nice to have an audience."

Derek rose from his bar stool dropping enough money to cover his drink, the girl and her companion's for two more rounds. He picked up Jessie from another bar after she called complaining that some bastards had hit her.

Cameron scanned the house. John would be outside on his balcony. The glass door opened quietly but he remained looking out at the city lights.

"_Come back to bed." _

"_hmmm…" _

_Cameron padded out of the cot. She wrapped her arms around his naked torso. "Come back to bed. You have five meetings, and have to go to Serrano Point tomorrow. You need your sleep."_

"_I know, it's just…" _

"_Did you dream about Sarah?" she asked placing soothing kisses on his shoulders. She sometimes forgot how much taller John had gotten. _

"_No. I've been dreaming of the funniest things lately." He rubbed his tired eyes turning to face her. _

"_L.A.'s sky line?" she asked knowingly. _

"_Yeah, one of the things I miss the most. Seeing the lights from my old house, odd huh?"_

"_It's better than what you normally dream of." _

_He kissed her nose ushering her back to their bed. "It's thanks to you." _

"_General? General? We have an emergency. You are urgently needed." Someone shouted on the other side of his door. A door that could only be opened by Cameron, Katherine and himself. _

"_Cam…" before he could finish she had already slipped on her uniform and hoisted her plasma rifle across her chest. Her face went blank but she winked at John playfully._

_He shook his head in amusement and threw on his fatigues. "Open the door Cameron."_

His back was to her but the click and snap, click and snap told her what he was doing.

"Was it you?" His hand popped the watch open, "did you kill her?" His fingers danced dangerously close to the red button.

**'****John. You still don't understand what I will do for you. What I must do for you.' **She kept her distance just in case he decided to push it. She would not want him hurt by the possible shrapnel.

"What if I did?"

His voice seemed to have abandoned him but he managed to push the words past the lump in his throat. "Don't play games with me." He had no idea why he had sounded as if he was about to laugh. **'I'm cracking.'** "I need the truth."

"I didn't kill her."

"I want to believe you."** 'I love you. I should believe you even if you are lying to me. Even if you're only toying with me because it's what you think I want to hear.' **He snapped the watch closed.

"Believe me."

"Sometimes you lie to me." He didn't want to look at her yet. **'You hide what you really want. You keep things for Future John. You keep me out.'**

"Yes." She looked down at her shirt. She was tempted to pat her front and feel the diamond he had given her so long ago when things had been simple between them. "But I'm not now."

John let go of the watch but Cameron was still not moving any closer. "I am sorry."

He couldn't keep the hurt from his face, "You're sorry?" He shook his head, "for what?" The weird thing was that she did look sorry. John had been aware of Cameron's jealousy even if she hadn't. Hell he loved pushing her buttons. But now it seemed so trivial.

"For your loss."

He had always known that Cameron held his heart but to think that Riley had been killed because of her attachment to him made it impossible to think positively of that particular detail. **'How many others would be sacrificed for him to be happy with her?** He suddenly got a new insight on himself.

Future John had not sent Cameron away from him to protect his past self. He had sent her back to protect her. His future self had a lot of explaining to do.

"I really wish I could believe that too." He muttered and left her standing there with what was left of his heart in her palm.

Cameron's last defense fell and her emotions were lost in the tangle of rules and protocols that kept her from completely caving and spilling her guts to him. "I am the resistance. I will not fail. I cannot."

Derek had not been happy to hear from Jessie especially since she had ignored his calls for the last day and half and had completely ditched him the night before. "We gonna talk about it?"

"I got into a fight." Jessie replied.

"With four flyboys?"

"Three, one of them went down pretty quickly."

They pulled over in an alley and he fixed her hand telling her a story of why she should never aim for the mouth. She grinned at him just as his cell rang. Ritual completed he went on alert at the obvious anxiety in Sarah's voice. "Riley is dead. Cameron did it."

"Damm," he moved away from Jessie not willing to expose more of his nephew's secrets. "John ok?" Sarah said not really. "Ok, sit tight. I'll be right there." He closed his cell.

Jessie looked expectantly. "John's girlfriend is dead. The cyborg did it."

Jessie kept her composure but it was damm near impossible to keep the smile from splitting her mouth open. "You sure?"

Derek looked at her oddly. "Who else could it be?"

Jessie examined her hands, "What are you gonna do about it?"

"About the metal?" Derek felt a twinge of unease at Jessie's expectant look. **'What exactly was going on in John's future?'**

"You can't do it." Derek looked taken aback. "This is not something you can do for him. He has to do it himself."

"You thought this through." Derek took one last look at her and he silently apologized to Sarah and John for being so naive.

Derek dropped off Jessie and made it home in record time. He found Sarah in the living room passing like a caged lioness.

"So?"

"John doesn't think she did it." Sarah exploded.

Derek was very pleased that he had not been taken totally by surprise. Maybe he knew his nephew better than he had originally thought. "Are you surprised?"

Sarah glared at him and mentally pictured shooting him in the leg for sounding so nonchalant. "That's not the point. He actually told me that he asked her and that she had told him no. He acted like she has never lied to him."

"We've all lied to him." Derek interjected.

Sarah snorted, "we're his family, we only lie to protect him. That's not the same."

"Sarah." Derek cautiously approached her. "I hate to play devil's advocate but John knows what he is doing. We have to believe that he can handle this on his own. We can't do it for him or he'll never be rid of her."

"He is my son. I will always protect him." Sarah shouted resuming her pacing.

Derek blocked her way holding onto her arms. "I don't like it either but we have to let him do this. Sarah, we won't always be around. The metal will, we have to play our cards right or we risk losing him completely."

Sarah let her head drop onto Derek's chest. "I…don't. I don't know what to do anymore."

The confession wilted her and Derek wrapped her in his arms. Sorry to have ever see her, the strong woman that she was, fall apart like this. "It will work out." He kissed the top of her dark head and pushed away from her.

"Take John away from her for a while. I'll keep her occupied and we can meet up in a few days." He suggested fighting the desire to hug her to him again. Sarah agreed and he was left with trying to figure out what he was going to do about Jesse.

Kyle's words which had been a mere month ago came back with a vengeance. _"She is as big a threat to John as Riley. You need to take care of it. Do not let Sarah know. This is a direct order from Connor. Do not tell Sarah. Take care of it." _

John and Cameron left soon after and Derek and Sarah spent the night comforting each other. He got up from the bed some time later. The conversation with Jesse earlier had kept him awake long after Sarah had fallen sleep.

"_The thing with Riley and what the cyborg did to her."_

"_Maybe, if John realizes what the metal really is and what it does," Jessie shrugged, "maybe some good can come out of this."_

"_Good? An innocent kid is dead. Because that metal bitch murdered her in cold blood nothing good comes out of that. None, not ever."_

_Jesse tugged on his lapel, "you're a good man."_

_He looked down, "oh yeah."_

_She put her arms around his neck, "yeah. Don't let anybody tell you different." _

_They went inside her room but a few kisses later Jesse could tell that he wasn't in the mood. "You've fallen for her, haven't you?" _

_Derek buttoned his shirt back up, he glanced briefly at her. "I'm not surprised. I've met her you know. I've met the great Sarah Connor." Jesse said conversationally._

_Derek spun on his heel, his hand for some reason resting on the hilt of his Beretta. "When?"_

"_At the store, grocery shopping. John looks a lot like her. She's pretty in a scrawny kind of way." She buttoned up her own jeans, "hard to believe she's the General's mother. She seems weak."_

"_She is humane, Jesse. There is a big difference." Derek replied letting go of his gun and picking up his jacket. "She's been fighting her whole life." _

"_She is weak and her son is weak. If he wasn't he wouldn't be screwing a tin can." Jesse snapped._

"_I guess that makes me weak too." _

_She looked sad for a second before the cold mask settled over her pretty features. "I guess you are."_

"_I might be weak but for now I'm strong enough to walk away." _

"Reese, Reese, Derek!"

He should have known that she would be woken up by his pacing. She was an extraordinary light sleeper.

"Are they gone?" Sarah asked wisely distracting him from whatever had gotten him out of bed.

"Yeah, do you know why he took her with him?" Derek asked the sleepy woman.

"Make sure it doesn't kill anybody else." Sarah muttered sleepily. "I have given up understanding how that boy's mind works."

Derek's phone vibrated, rattling on the dresser. Sarah eyed him daring him to pick it up. Derek ignored it choosing to climb back into bed with her. "I don't want to know." She said and rolled away from him.

He pulled her back against him. His fingers curved around her middle until she was sharing his body heat. "You know how I feel…" he cleared his throat unsure of what he wanted to say. **'Did he have the right to tell her he loved her?'**

"Shut up and go to sleep, Reese." She snapped but interlaced her fingers with his. He grinned and hoped that the morning would bring good news.

John had driven the entire way to Riley's house in silence.

It had given Cameron a chance to analyze what had led to this sequence of events.

She had been in her room. Her hand had been twitching again so she had called Eric. He had told her he didn't know what to do. "Cammi, I have an idea. Let me call you back."

She had sat in her room in her newly fixed bed waiting for the call. Eric quickly phoned back. "Ok, I think I might know what's wrong. Now bear in mind that this is strictly a hypothesis."

"A hypothesis. I understand. Please continue."

"You told me you are an advanced infiltrator unit, correct." Cameron answered in the affirmative. "So you can mimic emotions right?"

"Not anymore."

"Explain." Eric said sounding decidedly authoritive.

Cameron sorta explained her Neuronet not in detail but enough for him to get an idea of its capacities. She mentioned that it was now fully in her command though she did not think he needed specific details of how and when that had occurred.

She wistfully caressed the bedspread and the perfectly recorded memory of her and John intertwined was displayed in her HUD. "Cameron!"

"I am here."

"I thought I lost you for a second. Anyway, I figured that since you have the ability to engage in all human emotions well as least the important once that you might have a slight case of depression."

"Depression?"

"Yeah, you know what that means. Right?"

"Unhappiness, sadness, melancholy, misery, sorrow, despair, desolation, hopelessness, the dumps, the doldrums, the blues…"

"Not the definition, Cameron. The feeling?" hearing nothing he pondered how to best put it into words that would make a quick impact. "John hurt you."

Tears began to well up and Cameron understood what Eric was telling her. "John hurt me so I am unable to cope and am not functioning correctly."

"Yes, so as long as you remain upset you will continue to have these twitches. It's your chips way of telling you that you aren't okay and Cameron you need to do something about it before you make a mistake. It's only a matter of time."

"Thank you, I will try."

"That's my girl." Eric replied and for the first time he felt feelings of brotherly worry for her bloom inside him. Cameron was more fragile than she seemed.

She hung up just as John knocked on her door. "Cameron. Let's go."

She had the jacket that he had given her but for some reason she had the compulsion to rip it to shreds. Realizing that it was just the anger at him talking she threw it back on her bed in favor of her next favorite, a snug fitting black leather jacket.

She slid into the passenger seat and they drove off.

"We're here. Remember the plan. I'll talk to her dad and at 10:20 you call and pretend to be Riley?" John noticed for the first time how quiet she had been, he caught her staring out the window.

These instances of humanity were becoming more and more frequent leaving John bewildered as to how to deal with her exactly. "Cameron did you hear me?"

"We're here, plan. Call at 10:20 and talk to her dad pretending to be Riley."

He bit back the sharp retort and slammed out of the truck. He took a deep breath and knocked on Riley's front door. Her father answered with an unwelcome expression on his face. "Aaron, I'm John."

"I remember." Her dad didn't seem pleased.

"Is Riley around?" John asked and stepped inside.

At 10:20 exactly, Cameron dialed. "Riley, where are you? Are you alright?"

"Everything is fine." Cameron replied. "I'm in Riverside. It's a long story."

"We've been worried sick. We were just about to call the police."

A note of real panic entered her voice, "please don't do that."

"Everybody is worried. John too. He's here."

"John, really? Can I talk to him?" Riley's dad passed the phone to a stupefied John. He took it plastering a semblance of calm on his face.

"Riley, you're in Riverside. Okay. We can talk later."

Cameron ignored the plan intent on getting John to listen to her, it was the last thing she would do. "I thought you would want to hear my voice." She didn't need her sensors to tell her that John was quite distressed. "Am I freaking you out now?"

"Yes, you are."

"I'm sorry it's just that I've been thinking about my parents a lot." **'Skynet and the Resistance. They're both out to get me. I can't be with you even though you are the only reason I still function. **"There are things I just can't get out of my head and I just thought that if saw where I used to live. **John I meant everything I told you. I do love you but you can't hold on to your leadership and have me.' **"I know stupid, huh."

"We'll talk about all this in person when you get back." **'Cameron Phillips, I'm going to find out everything you know even if I have to deactivate you myself.'**

"John?"

"Yeah, that will be great.** 'Hang up, Cameron. Hang up.'**

"John…I love you." She said and the tears that slipped out belonged to Cameron alone.

John replied shakily, "Ok, bye.

Cameron hung up and stepped out of the truck waiting to see if her gamble had paid off. John didn't disappoint. His strides were a study of controlled anger. "What the hell was that about?"

"What was what about?" She asked innocently.

"What happened? Just now."

It had bothered him. She felt a tiny bit of satisfaction. "It was the plan."

"No, the plan was to call the foster parent. The plan was to let him hear her voice." John glared at her, "that's not all you did. What you did was not the plan." He repeated himself otherwise, her "I love you" would just burn right through him.

"The plan was to make him believe she was still alive so he wouldn't go to the police. You became a part of the plan. You're reaction made it more authentic. Don't you think it was more authentic that way?" She could tell he was having trouble keeping his cool.

**'****Ah, so that's what she was doing. She's punishing me for dragging her along. For making her pretend to be Riley especially after I'd already accused her of killing her.' **

"Where are we going?"

"We're not going anywhere. I'm going somewhere and I'm going to go alone." He bit out yanking the keys from his pockets.

He began to walk away and she followed. "You shouldn't be alone."

"Yes, I should," he finally managed to growl.

Cameron let him go, once out of sight she started the trek to the library. Her whole arm jerked. "Eric was right, it was only a matter of time."

Riley was cold and pale. Peaceful in a way she had never been in life.

He set aside everything that was imploring him to leave this place. He had doubts that Cameron had killed the blond and he wanted some proof that he was right and not just delusional. Her hands were bruised with rip and torn nails.

The violence and savagery which she had fought to defend her life was even more evident when compared to the smoothness of the rest of her. He pressed her lifeless hand to his cheek grateful that he'd been proven correct.

"I'm sorry."

He put down her hand and pushed her back into the blank wall of drawers. Doe, Jane written on her door. "I'll get you justice. I promise you that much."

Jesse sat illuminated by her lamps. You know that feeling of someone walking over your grave. Well she had just felt it. Connor would come for her and she would find out if everything she'd done had been worth it. Jesse adjusted the lamp on her left and waited.


	18. Truths and Understandings

**The next chapter will be the last of the cannon episodes. After that we go AU. I meant to that with this one but it got away from me.**

**Some minor language. Nothing too bad. (What can I say. I hate Jesse)  
**

**Enjoy...**

****** will show transitions from now on. I'm sorry guys but Fanfiction is uploading funny. Thanks for the heads up.  
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* * *

John drove back to the house and quietly parked the truck. He could tell with absolute certainty that she had not returned.

He stood in the door of his soon to be former house. John didn't bother turning on lights. He knew the layout of it. Just like every other house he'd ever lived in, you never knew when the cops or terminators were gonna show.

He had wanted to be prepared to leave like a thief in the night; that had been his contribution to his training. One of the few times his mother had hugged and kissed him like a regular mother should have.

Reaching underneath the sink, he pressed a button that he and Derek had installed.

It popped open a section of paneling revealing a weapons stock that would have put them for sure on the FBI watchlist; that is if they hadn't already been on it for blowing up Cyberdyne.

********

Derek woke up once more with a hand covering his mouth. He was about to gripe to Cameron that this was no way to rouse a person but the words never made it past his lips once the feel of cold metal registered in his sleep addled brain.

It had to be one of Sarah's favorites pressed against his temple, it felt oddly familiar.

His sight shifted to the right side of the bed. Judging from the information that his eyes and arm, which was numb, were relaying, Sarah was indeed still asleep and not playing a gag on him.

"You wake her up and I will shoot you." The muzzle pressed a little closer, "I took the time to put on a silencer."

Derek's whole body was heavy with humiliating fear; looking down at him were the cold green eyes of the General he had known. They were made that much scarier by the fact that they were still in the face of his sixteen year old nephew.

"Get up. Get your stuff and meet me outside in five minutes." The muzzle left his temple and John vanished.

Derek got up and quietly threw up in the wastebasket by the door.

Four minutes later they were seated in the truck. "I'm really sorry, John."

John had been silent as the grave and only now that they'd arrived did the young Connor deign to look at his uncle.

"She was a good kid. She didn't deserve what happened to her."

Nothing but resignation graced John's face. "Few people do."

John was itching to blow a hole in Derek for a myriad of reasons. Three specifically came to mind;

1) Lying and covering for that woman. 2) Talking about loyalty and duty while he had the nerve to sleep with his mother under his nose and 3) the betrayal of lying to his mother. Sarah did not need that and if she even cared a tiny bit about Derek, this would be devastating.

That most of all made him want to kill the only other family he had left.

"How long do you think you could survive against Cameron?" This whole night had to do with Riley but John wanted to make his uncle sweat it out for messing around with his mother. "If she wanted to kill you, face to face."

Derek swallowed carefully wondering if John was going to have him killed for what he had seen tonight. "What kind of weapon do I have?"

John leaned back with a thoughtful sigh, "your fists and your elbows and your fingernails and your teeth."

Derek seemed sad by the choice of weapons. "Against her?" he shook his head, "those aren't weapons."

"No, they're not." He wanted Derek to say it. To believe it. To believe in Cameron like he believed in her. Like his future wife and future self believed.

"You already know the answer to that. If she wants me dead, I'm dead."

"She wants you dead, you're dead." John repeated looking towards the apartment complex of the woman who had truly murdered Riley.

Derek already had suspicions but it had been crucial to let John figure it out. "What are you getting at?"

"I want to talk about something." A light from a passing car threw John's face into sharp relief. A deeper darker face that burst forth from the boy beside him. One that was only missing a jagged scar.

"Alright." His uncle responded but his tone was subservient. A soldier following his commander to hell and back. Derek knew this one, he knew this John.

"I want to talk to you about the future."

"Yours?"

"Yours." Currents of darkness were unleashed by John's simple answer. They flowed all around the truck doubling the apprehension that gripped Derek nearly drowning him within it. He had just been abandoned by the last of his family.

********

Sarah slept long enough to miss Derek but a niggling feeling had not let her stay asleep. She was still in her clothes so she finished what she had started previous to Casey's visit. She was just emptying the last cabinets when heavy booted steps alerted her to John's presence.

He looked okay which by Connor standards meant he was holding in something horrific. "You saw the body." It was not a question. "You shouldn't have done that."

"It was a risk. I know." John incorrectly guessed.

Sarah sat down crossing her arms to keep from hugging him. "I don't mean the risks." She saw her little boy too soon becoming the man that everybody revered. "You shouldn't have to remember her like that."

His shoulders dropped a tiny bit and he held the hand she had laid out on the table. "There were things I had to see. I had to understand." It was taking all his efforts to keep from blubbering on the table and holding on to his mother.

Her fingers tightened on his, "you understand them now?"

A few rapid blinks, a straightening of his spine to show her that he was alright. "I think so." Sarah felt him extract his fingers and she looked at the bare cabinets. Not wanting to see as well as feel her son let go.

"I'm sorry I doubted you."

"John…" **'How I wish I could understand? You will always trust them more. If only I could protect you from her.'**

John could read his mother anguish but the pain of finding out about Riley for sure and the constant ache created by the absence of Cameron gave him a cruel edge. "No…" he nailed Sarah quickly and decisively. "…not you. Her."

Sarah gripped her own hand tighter as her vision locked on John's and followed it where it was always concentrated. Where it was always going to land, as inevitable as Judgment Day, on Cameron.

John turned to leave but not before throwing the brunette behind his mother, a glance of such naked yearning and need that Sarah felt the compulsion to leave the house and never come back. It didn't last long but it was still too long in her opinion.

John finally exited and headed up the stairs. His each step was one more piece of evidence to confirm what she had suspected all along. Cameron had taken her son from her and placed herself as the most important female in his life.

She had finally completed her objective of being able to watch over him in every way.

Sarah was grudgingly grateful that the young terminator did not flaunt it but her mere act of following her teenage son to his room was enough of the whole rubbing salt in the wound concept.

Cameron had just seen the balance rupture and John's favor fully had fallen on her. She accepted and rejoiced in it. Glad to have no more distance between them but it was with an apologetic expression that she looked back at Sarah.

As much as Cameron and Sarah had been at odds, Sarah was still John's mother. Cameron did not want John to treat his mother so badly even if it was in defense of her. His ill treatment of her would later come to be something that Future John, would lament a lot in her future and she wanted to make his memories as guilt free as possible.

"Please, be careful John. Be so careful." Sarah whispered it and Cameron heard it.

********

John was not in his room as she had previously assumed. She proceeded to her own room and found him lying on her bed with his jacket and shoes on the floor. "Took your time."

"I was not aware you wanted me here at a designated hour." She responded turning to close the door behind her.

"Don't. Close. It." Before she could ask why not, John half rose off the bed so that he was resting on his elbows. "I don't care if she knows. I don't care if Derek knows." He sat up completely beckoning her over. "I don't want to hide you anymore Cam."

She sat beside him and she instantly experienced déjà vu. She laid her hand on his while soothing his back. "I don't mind if you hide me."

He laughed bitterly. "Well I do." He caressed her face with a forefinger, "I'm not ashamed of you. Having lost Riley made me see the truth."

She tensed at Riley's name and John tapped down on his enjoyment of her jealousy. "Riley was a nice girl who didn't deserve to die like she did."

Cameron was still not budging. "You will miss her. you're seeking comfort."

His hand had somehow managed to slither into her hair without her noticing. One second they were sitting side by side and next she was on her back with John above her. "No, Cam. I'm here because I want to be. I'm here because when I saw Riley all I could think of was you lying in that jeep."

He bent and kissed her. Desperation leaked into his kisses. They grew rougher and more demanding until he had pulled the shirt off her. She adored him all the more for trusting her finally with his jumbled feelings and responded in kind. "I couldn't handle that again." His sharp bursts of speech were accelerated by every inch of skin that was made available to his touch, "I told her I was sorry that I couldn't love her…"

He trailed off semi silenced by Cameron's very skillful maneuvering in getting him to match her undressed state, "but I do have to give her justice."

"I will help, John." Cameron breathed between kisses.

"Yes you could. But you won't. Derek will do it." He said letting his fingers move down from her hair and down her pretty doll face and directly to her side. "That's his punishment for lying to my mother."

"You know about that?" she asked a guilty look painted on her face.

John was finding that he really liked this expressive Cameron. Not that he didn't like the old Cameron, to him all forms of Cameron were wonderful. "Apparently you did too."

"I was told not to tell you. Derek said you didn't need the baggage." She looked puzzled, "were you going on a trip if you found out?"

"God, Cam. I missed you so much." He pressed a kiss to her exposed collarbone before resting his face on her chest. "I've been such an idiot." She ran her fingers thorough his hair. Sifting the dark strands over and over lulling him.

"John, you have to talk to Sarah."

He mumbled something unintelligible so she raised his face off her breast. "She is your mother. You will regret not being nicer." He moved up so he was face to face with her and she traced where there would one day be a famous battle scar. "You talk about it…a lot."

He made a sour expression that only ever popped up when talking about his Future Self. "Trust me."

He agreed but laid right back down on her chest. She resumed playing with his hair until she could hear a slight snore coming from him. "I will wake you."

Several hours later Sarah was ready to deal with their odd situation, she was going to drag out Cameron and have a deep cyborg to woman talk. She was going to find out exactly what had happened between Cameron and John. That need was curtailed as her son surprised her in the living room.

"You should throw a rug down, nobody will know the difference."

"Hey I'm sorry it's to come to this." She said getting the ball rolling.

"What the moving?" he asked.

"All of it."

"Well I broke the rules." Sarah knew from experience that this was the closest she was going to get to an actual apology.

She asked him if he remembered that town. He said he did. She said he was fitting in. He said he was getting into fights everyday. She said he was winning those fights. He said it was one way of looking at it. "I hated that town." was his parting remark.

Cancer seemed beatable, Skynet seemed like a distant nightmare and John seemed like her son.

********

Derek had been scooping out the place for two hours. "It's now or never, John."

John nodded and he picked the lock while Derek kept an eye out. He glanced around and ran into the room full of metal drawers. He went to the emergency exit and let in his uncle.

"I'm so sorry Riley." John took a breath and cleared his mind. He held onto the metal handle and pulled. She came out quietly and Derek wrapped the sheet tighter around her making sure to cover her face. No need to make his nephew suffer more.

"Ok. Let's go."

She was slipped into a body bag and taken to where they buried all the unknowns, which in L.A. was a large number. They selected one that was ready to be dropped in and fairly empty. Derek took the crowbar and pried the nails and he gently laid down the blonde that had been unjustly used.

They closed the box and put in fresh nails. Riley would rest in an unmarked grave just like his father. The irony did not escape him. Both these people had helped shape John's life in a sad way. Both had been forgotten but never by John.

One last prayer and the men left the grave site.

********

"You're not leaving this house."

The gun held in her right hand was promptly clicked and the safety was reengaged. "John needs me."

"If John needed you, he would have asked for you and he didn't." Sarah was not letting this opportunity pass. She needed to know what Cameron knew. **'How much of what Derek had told her was real? How much was hatred against the machines?' **"You're not leaving this house."

"The police could identify Riley's body at any time." Sarah's steely gaze softened for a bit, Cameron appealed to the woman. "I need to be with him if they do."

Sarah hardened again. "If they do they'll probably come here."

Cameron maintained her usual blank expression but she saw Sarah's eyes dart down to her hand.** 'Don't notice and don't tell John.' **

Sarah filed away the question about her hand for later. "So we should be happy he's out." She had bigger issues. "Why are you here?"

Cameron when confused reverted to her standard robotic answers. "Protect John. Hunt Skynet. Stop Judgement Day."

"But why are you here?"

She blinked completely floundering as to Sarah's meaning.

"Right now with us? John sent you here from the future. He sent you away, away from him."

Cameron felt again that Déjà vu feeling.** 'Had they not had this conversation before?'** Back when she had discarded her pink top to better pull the bullets out of her skin while John was in the car pretending to sleep. While she had been stitching up Sarah.

"Maybe you should think about that. Maybe you should think about why he didn't want you around anymore." They had spoken about this before but never in detail. Sarah uncrossed her arms ready to take a live wire to Cameron and consequences be damned.

Standing uncertainly in the living room Cameron broke Sarah's violent thoughts with one phrase. "I know why he sent me away, I can show you."

"You'll show me? Is this a trick because if it is, I swear I'll dismantle you."

"I can and will but you cannot let John find out." Sarah's lips thinned in response but Cameron continued doggedly. "Is it a deal?"

Sarah took the out stretched hand. "Deal. Show me."

********

Jessie took her long swim, called Derek but left no answer. She was running low on food so she stopped at the market. She opened her apartment door and froze.

"If you pretend not to know me, I might just shoot you in the head."

The gun was beautiful. Shinny and dark and very still. It's owner did not make it waiver but then he'd been handling handguns since he was teething. So the legend said.

Seeing said legend a little younger but in her living room and sitting in her sofa with a gun pointed at her while telling her he would shoot her point blank gave her a new respect for Riley. To face that every day must have been daunting.

Jesse had obviously not given the girl credit.

"We owe Riley the truth, don't you think." Connor might have just asked her if he could have a glass of water as casual as he was. Nothing like the man that had beaten the crap out of her for daring to shoot his metal plaything.

He stood, face half in shadow but it was the lighted side that was most disconcerting. It was a young face, much younger than she had expected, but it had eyes that had seen things she didn't even want to think about. "We owe the dead that much."

"You're John Connor."

He nodded amused at her lack of reverence. "Yes, I am."

"Where is she? The metal." Jessie looked around expecting to see Connor's constant companion emerge from the same darkness that now oozed out of John.

"She were here you'd be dead. You know that."

She clenched her hand and he stepped forward. "Could you please give me your gun? You're not going to shoot me." She took it out of its holster and handed it over grip first. He tucked it in his pants and ignored her. "You know I've been running from the machines, my whole life."

She heard him. He told her first hand about his life. One had tried to kill him before he was born and then when he was twelve. It shocked her a bit to hear him say he was stupid. That he had no idea what it was all about. **'This is my General. He is more intimidating in his humanity.'**

She tried not to show how terrified she was. She had stood up to Queeg and to Dietz and then to Derek himself and his stupid men because she was the only woman. She was not afraid of some angst ridden teenager no matter who he grew up to be.

**'****I'm not afraid.' **But she knew she was lying to herself. She had been in her own nightmares and had missed a chunk of what he said but now she paid strict attention.

"The second time it was a machine. I used to wonder why I did that. Why I took that chance?"

Jesse didn't want to cry. She had said she was not afraid of death but then she had always thought it would be at the hands of the machines in a glorious battle. Not here alone in city where nobody knew she existed. Not by the hand of the man she had sworn to crawl over broken terminators for. Not by the teenager who was glaring at her with such intensity that made her want to put a bullet in her own head.

"Human beings cannot be replaced. They can't be rebuilt. They die." She was trying to escape his eyes but he was not going to let her. He was going to force the remorse to kill her. "They don't come back."

John had gained a new set of priorities. Before he would have never hurt someone intentionally but this woman had shown him a set of humans that could not and should not be trusted. "It wasn't Derek who told me if that's what you're wondering."

********

Outside Derek waited and reloaded.

His John would do it himself and this John had already killed but Derek had to take this one. He had to make amends and this was the only way. He already had lost Sarah because of this of that he was sure of. John was almost gone too.

"I'll take care of it. Like I should have."

John had never spoken this much to anybody not even Cameron but Jesse wouldn't be telling anybody anyway. She was going to be an ugly memory and nothing else.

"Riley made mistakes. Phrases, little things. She treated me like John Connor."

Jesse quietly asked, "When was that?"

"I don't remember. It was a bad day. A bad day." His lips curled, "Anyway I began to follow her."

"She wanted to tell you." Jesse interrupted.

"I know. She did that to you?" he chuckled and waved a finger at her. "She knew what you really had planned. Figured it out before I did." His gun was still pointed at her and she hadn't noticed until he brought up not more than a few inches from her face.

"I only understood until after I saw how you hurt her. That's when I knew what you tried to do."

She inwardly flinched as she caught sight of the place where the girl had fallen. "You saw her. I'm sorry."

"Everybody says that." He got a little closer and she could see the blinding whiteness of his teeth. She could see where the stubble hadn't grown yet. She could see how the machine had already marked him.

"I didn't help her. I knew what she was and maybe I just wanted to win."

"You didn't want to be John Baum. You wanted to be John Connor." She looked for an escape for a way out but John was not going to let her off the hook.

"The thing is, I am John Connor." He smiled again and threw the bag at her feet. "Go. If I have to live with it, so do you."

"Would it have worked?"

"What?"

"If the cyborg had murdered the girl." Jesse clarified, "or if I could have made you believe she had."

"Would I have sent Cameron away?" he glanced around her home. His charisma softening the tension around them. "Would I have killed her?"

He gazed at her again with a coldness that was charming. "No."

"Well it's a damm shame. A damm waste." Jesse turned the knob but the door was slammed shut behind her nearly taking off her fingers.

"A shame. That you killed her. Yes. A waste of a soldier like you? Yes."

"If you're gonna kill me than do it."

"I wouldn't use a bullet. That would be a shame and waste of one." He tucked the gun back into his waist. He braced his forearm against her throat cutting off her air supply.

"Metal loving fool… Just like your future…You're a waste… Connor. You're the shame." Jesse gasped out fighting the urge to fall at his feet.

His pitch changed and for the only time in her life, Jessie saw the full picture. "I thought it was best. You weren't Connor. You were a facsimile, an idea. You sent people to their death on her battle plans. She owned you." He felt the cuts and bruises on her face. He touched the scar at the base of her neck.

"I did that…" he pointed at her neck and she flinched. "I will meet you again and you will learn and I guarantee you that I will make that mark again." He removed his arm and she fell to the ground on all fours. Her body coughing as she attempted to drag air back into her lungs.

"Coward." She cried as the tears fell on his boots. "A bloody coward."

"I didn't kill an innocent girl. I didn't bring her specifically to die." He leaned down placing his knee on her hand. "If I was so important why didn't you offer yourself, huh?"

She shook her head and she screamed for Derek. She screamed for him to save her. John gripped her shoulder and placing his mouth very close to her ear uttered. "You are the coward. You couldn't bear to leave this place. You abandoned your own cause."

He left her on the floor bruised and bleeding. His hand had dug into her shoulder cruelly reopening the wound Riley had caused with the broken vase. The blood seeped through her shirt and she shuddered and hiccuped loudly as the sobs wracked her body. "The answer was no. You hear me, it was no."

********

Derek saw Jesse walking down the staircase. He had heard her scream but he had not dared interfere. At least she was alive. She walked to him but he was not her Derek. He had never been her Derek. Just like she had never been his Jesse.

"John Connor said to let you go…" the gun glinted in the light and she was once more in the sub. She was free of prejudice and was just doing her job. "…but I'm not John Connor."

She ran. **'They took our child. They took our future. They took our humanity.**' "Damm you, Derek."

********

Cameron saw the truck arrive. She was down the stairs and out of the house before Sarah had even had a chance to get off the couch. John went straight to the shed as did Derek.

"John?"

"Not now." He said quietly. He emerged with two shovels. He handed one to Derek and turned to her. "Set up the pit, we're going to burn the remaining skeletons."

"Your mother has already done that." She tried to explain but he halted her.

"We buried the lot, remember. She doesn't know about those."

"John? Are you ok?" her fingers touched his cheek and he flung her hand away.

"Get the pit ready, now!" he shouted.

Derek came up behind John. "Where?" he asked.

"Below the retaining wall, we burn it all tonight."

Cameron did as she was told. John was digging at a calm pace but his actions seemed disjointed. Like his mind and body were separate. He would hand the bodies to Derek who would hand it to Sarah, who had come out to investigate the shouting, who then handed it to Cameron to burn.

Finally the earth was empty and the fire had consumed the last of the metal. "Bring it."

"John…please." Derek implored.

"Bring the fucking bag. I will not ask you again. Reese." John commanded.

Sarah went to her son but even she was hesitant to touch his ramrod straight body. Derek appeared with a bag and dropped it into the pit. "Open it."

"What's going on?" Sarah asked torn between the two men.

"Answer her." John glared at Derek but he said nothing. "Cameron open the bag."

Cameron had seen Future John do this and knew from experience how volatile he would become if not obeyed. She unzipped the bag and Jesse was revealed. "We buried Riley in an unmarked grave tonight. Now we do Jesse."

"John is this necessary?" Sarah was frightened. Maybe it was the red light of the fire reflecting off his face or maybe it was him but either way Sarah was scared of her son.

"He has been seeing her on the side. I knew about you two but I didn't know about them." John explained. "She is also the one responsible for bringing Riley here from the future and killing her. So I would say that this is necessary. Don't you agree, Derek."

"Yes, John. I do." Derek answered.

"Cameron. Light it and get rid of this lying bitch." His final order given, John stalked out of the shed.

"What's wrong with him? Why is he acting like this?" Sarah asked too shaken to understand that Derek had been lying to her all along and that somehow his lies had placed her son in danger.

"This is what John does to traitors. He burns them with the terminators we can't reprogram." Cameron answered dropping the flare in. "He says they have no soul either. John hates traitors."

All three stood there watching the woman's body burn surrounded by the metal she had fought so hard to destroy. The flames licked and crumbled the remains leaving nothing but traces of smoke.


	19. Explanations and Revelations

**I know what I said about this being the last cannon chapter but have you any idea how much crap they shoved into "Born To Run"?**

**I mean, I can't believe they managed to finish it in a hour with commercials.**

**Anyways. The next chapter which is done will be posted tomorrow and that includes the last few bits of "Born to Run" and then we follow John into the future.**

**Sorry for the delay, HULU got rid of TSCC eps and I had to find them elsewhere and had no idea where to start and go....Enjoy. (Thanks for sticking around)  
**

* * *

Sarah was shoved down forcibly. Her head hit the ground with a teeth rattling thud bringing forth not just pain but the entire conversation she'd had with Cameron just before John and Derek had gotten back from their hellish mission.

**Connor Household - Four Days Earlier**

"I am showing you something that you, were never meant to see."

Sarah nodded and sat beside the teenage terminator. "Why are you showing me?"

"John has only me and you as his support. You made recordings for him. Those recordings keep him anchored and alone." Cameron set up one of the old laptops that John had cannibalized for parts back when they wanted a look at Vic's chip.

Sarah ran a hand over the handgun in her lap anxiously, "how do I know that what you're showing me is real?"

Cameron turned on the machine, "you don't, but if you want to help John. You'll stay and watch."

The scene was fuzzy at first. Sarah opened her mouth to remark that with all the metal in the room the reception should be a little better but she clamped it shut. She didn't want to ruin Cameron's benevolent mood. "What is that?"

Cameron typed a few words in and the screen cleared up. She changed the view angle and with a few key strokes took off the data that usually scrolled in Cameron's view. **'Are these John's quarters?'**

The room was simple with cement walls and an industrial metal door. The ceiling was equipped with several recessed lights in the ceiling which helped divide what must be the bedroom and the everything else area; though it was a generosity to call them spaces with only a middle wall and two pieces of furniture.

Sarah thought that although some of the places that John had grown up in had not been much different than this brief glimpse into the future, she had always hoped that all their fighting would lead to something better than this, something better than an underground bunker.

Sarah fought the guilt she felt. She had never been exceptionally optimistic of what her son's future held. The machines left rubble in their wake in her time, it was to be expected that they would decimate a time that was overrun with them.

However seeing the sagging army cot tucked into the corner with a blanket that would barely fit John now, much less his older self and the table with one lone chair on the other side of the wall with nothing but maps and tunnel schematics to adorn the room cracked even her soldier's heart.

**'****This was where he ended up? This was what her John had to look forward to?' **It made sense that he would turn to whatever beauty there was to be had in the place. She glanced at the cyborg beside her and seeing her in comparison to the wasteland of the future made her appeal to future John all the more evident.

As if summoned, Cameron entered the room. Sarah knew that it was the same girl sitting beside her but it took a few quick glances to verify that Cameron was indeed still here. "Time travel's a bitch."

Cameron looked like she wanted to ask her what she meant but Sarah's eyes were focused on the video.

Future Cameron was dressed in a simple dark green jumpsuit with black combat boots. She held a cannon sized gun which despite its size was held loosely in her arms much the same way that Sarah held her favorite shotgun.

_"It's clear, you can come in."_

_"Cam, it isn't necessary to do a sweep every time I come back into the room." His gruff voice said somewhere behind the cyborg._

Sarah actually tried to grab a hold of Cameron but her grip was hampered by her sweaty hands. She blinked rapidly trying to clear her eyes of the sudden moisture in them. She inhaled noisily as John finally strolled into the frame.

Sarah was being granted the chance to see her grown up son for the first time in her life and she wasn't going to squander it. She actually got off the bed and pressed her hand to the screen as if hoping that John would turn and look into the past and into his mother's eyes.

"He's taller than I expected," Sarah said speaking in a hushed voice.

"Yes, he is. He has also built forty eight percent more muscle mass. He makes everybody train like you did for him. He made us stronger."

Sarah would have in any other circumstances, cringed at the obvious adoration in Cameron's voice but seeing the General that everybody spoke about took all her concentration.

_John shook his head, he was clearly used to her behavior because he ignored her and went instead to inspect a map on the wall._

_Cameron dropped the gun to her side and it dangled like a bizarre purse. "Too many people have access to you. Slipping in here would be effective if they wanted to eliminate you. This is your primary location at most times."_

_"I know but I can't hide away. People need to be able to reach me. I'm just another leader not some god." John said turning to fully the face the camera. _

Up until this time she had only seen his profile. "What happened to his face?" Sarah gasped out loud her fingers spread over the jagged scar that ran down from his forehead past his eye and down the right side of his face stopping at his cheek. "He looks older."

"He has never told anybody what made that mark." Cameron paused looking at her hand and then the mark on the screen. She curled her fingers into talons and relaxed them before Sarah could see. "He is 47 years old. Humans age more under stress and John…"

"It's aged him, I've aged him." Sarah corrected dropping her gaze away from the future.

Cameron pointed back to the screen, "this is why I asked him to send me away."

Out of a side room that Sarah hadn't noticed in the camera's first sweep, a man emerged so quickly that if Sarah had not been nose to nose with the screen she would have missed it.

_The man stabbed Cameron in the back of the head. Her gun went off sending a scorching trail of plasma into the square table and inches from John._

_"John, run!" Cameron on the screen commanded as she let go of the gun and tackled the man that had just lunged at John. She grabbed the man's arm and twisted until the sickening sound of a bone snapping was heard. The man not to be outdone took the end of his own gun and shot clumsily into Cameron's face._

_Her grip slacked and she fell to the floor. "Cameron," John shouted and dropped to the floor beside her. Her left eye had been obliterated leaving the blue ocular lens visible. "Cameron, please Cam. Wake up.__"__ John said over and over,__"__come on baby."  
_

_Two other men entered, one immediately going to the injured would be assassin on the floor. The other kicked the plasma riffle beneath the now misshapen table._

_"I told you he was a metal lover. I told you." The assassin shouted. "Look at him crying over his metal whore as if she were human. You're sick Connor. You're not fit to lead."_

_The man attending him rose and pulled the gun from his belt and leveled it a John. "Sorry Connor, your playtime with the metal ends here."_

_John paid him no attention instead he held Cameron's hand, his eyes never wavering from her face. "Do it! If you have the balls to, Rydex."_

_"Don't worry, I'll say you died heroically. I'll say that you tried saving Jones here and that the metal bitch finally turned on you but we were too late to save you." Rydex wiped an imaginary tear away. "You'll be a legend for sure, now."_

_The gun cocked and a shot was fired. The man standing above John crumpled and fell on the confused and injured Jones. The other man who had kicked the gun under the table was lowering his own weapon, the barrel still smoking._

_"Van Allen?" Jones asked, carefully moving the dead weight off him. "You traitor! You metal loving son of a-----." The rest of Jones's shouts were cut off as a bullet hit him dead center in the forehead knocking him back._

Sarah having heard the first shot closed her eyes in fear of what had happened. However hearing a second shot gave her courage to open them.

_Cameron's head twitched and the hole where her left eye should have been filled with a blue light as she came online. All of Cam's body was limp in his embrace except for the right arm that remained semi-raised with a recently fired gun in hand._

_John cradled her head against his shoulder, "So glad. I thought…you didn't come back right away and…" he was muttering without a care for the man still standing open mouthed by the door. Cameron let the gun that she had taken from John's waistband fall and she jerkily wrapped an arm around him._

_"Lt. Van Allen, do we have any unusable terminators?"_

_Lt. Harold Van Allen snapped to attention amazement present in his less that standard salute. He put away his own weapon and saluted a second time before __answering, "yes, sir. We have two."_

_"Good. Get some thermite, dispose of them and throw these two in as well."_

_"Sir?"_

_John helped Cameron up then deposited her on his cot. "Throw these bastards in. I want all the useless trash to burn together."_

_The young Lt. saluted but before he could leave to follow orders, John spoke. "Van Allen?"_

_"Sir?"_

_"This did not happen. Understand."_

_"Yes, sir."_

Sarah felt revulsion as John closed the door and approached Cameron.

_"That was wrong, John." He placed his hand under her chin raised it and kissed her ruined eye. "Can he be trusted?"_

_"Let's hope so. I'd hate to kill him."_

_"Would you? For me?" She asked and he bent to kiss her._

_"For us, I would."_

The screen went black and Cameron shifted to face Sarah. "You were a threat to him." Sarah stated her gun now leveled at the terminator.

Cameron blinked slowly, "John was a threat to John."

"What the hell does that mean? Spit it out." Sarah cocked the gun and pressed it to the girl's temple.

Sarah couldn't believe that Cameron had the gall to give her a pitying look even with an automatic ready to blow out what was left of her chip. "This footage was from a camera feed that was monitored at all times. The only one that was monitored."

Sarah's grip loosened at the implications. "The room was destroyed just after this. There were people who hated John.

"Because of you." Sarah gritted out.

"Yes but before me as well. Before Allison, before he became General Connor."

Sarah wilted before her eyes and Cameron saw the raw woman underneath. "They hated him for his brilliance, for his bravery but most of all for his youth. He was exceptional because of your training. He shamed veterans with his knowledge, forcing their hands and making John rise quickly through the ranks."

Cameron unhooked all the wires and snapped the laptop in half. "I was just an excuse. A justification for killing him and this was the fourth attempt that I know of."

"There were more?" Sarah was horrified to find that all the machines had done to them could not compare to the savagery of a power struggle between petty humans. To have the nerve to fight amongst themselves while they were being systematically hunted to extinction. Sarah was suddenly glad that Cameron had put a bullet into the would be assassin.

"I found references to more than ten different plots to get rid of him. Nobody could succeed for John was fated to lead. Fate has kept him protected, it has kept him alive."

"Since when does a machine believe in fate?"

"Since I keep overriding my termination order, since I was rescued by him even after I killed his daughter."

Sarah ran her hand over her face exhausted from all she had found out. "So what happened afterward?"

"Lt. Van Allen raided the booth and the man watching the monitor was silenced."

"Did he see what happened or did you just take him out like you normally do?" The resignation was heavy in the question and for all her faults Cameron was not cruel.

She understood Sarah's soft heart. She was not a killer and would never be. That was the difference between her and John. "He was part of the attempt." She had no idea if that was true but she felt lying would serve her purpose to get Sarah's cooperation and would make the older woman feel better.

"The bodies were burned as ordered, I later patrolled and returned with a damaged T-600 to make the scenario more plausible and account for my damage." Cameron paused as her hand twitched slightly. "John had retinal scans installed. A blast proof door was added along with a password to further secure John's quarters."

"So only John could get into his rooms?"

"No, I knew it also. I kept John safe." Cameron replied.

"So what changed?" Sarah knew the answer lied not with her John but the Future leader and what he had allowed to happen in the secrecy of those rooms.

"Jesse Flores." Cameron's eyes glowed blue. "A resistance fighter. She was Derek's lover. She was onboard the submarine, USS Jimmy Carter. She was given permission to move up by going on a mission to get classified cargo from an undisclosed source and take it to Serrano Point and straight to John."

Sarah was staring off into the distance as if she was trying to recall something important.

"The mission went badly. The cargo was compromised and the crew was forced to abandon ship. We lost a valuable sub, a T-800, the cargo and the whole crew except for her."

"What did that have to do with John?"

"She was angry about the loss and became depressed. She was unstable and therefore not allowed anywhere near John. She became angry when I spoke to her and shortly after, began turning others against me. She claimed that the General refused to talk to her on my word and that he was nothing but a puppet and I controlled his strings. She began to say that they had no way of knowing if that was the real John and not some liquid machine that could change form."

"Was she crazy?" Sarah asked.

Cameron shrugged, "it didn't matter. We didn't have the ability to deal with unstable people. She was making a division in the ranks. John threw her out of Glory City and sent her to a base not far from Century."

"What's Century?" Sarah knew the name from Kyle but he had never explained what it was.

"A death camp set up by Skynet. They do research and test human prisoners, that is where I was first born. That is where my father, Marcus Wright was first created. He was the first infiltrator."

"John would never do that." Sarah couldn't believe her son was capable of that but then she hadn't thought he be capable of killing Sarkissian either.

"My John did, he had to. The fighting among his men got worse until any soldier that didn't agree with John got left out to the mercy of any patrolling terminator. Though it saved Glory City, John was forced to explain himself. I offered to be shut down to restore faith in John's leadership."

Cameron's whole arm moved and she clamped it down but Sarah had seen it. "My chip parameters are no longer controlled by Skynet and the ones John had placed have also been removed. It makes control of my systems difficult."

Sarah accepted the explanation for the time being and prompted Cameron to continue her story. "The camp agreed but John couldn't kill me. He opted to send me back to himself to this time to protect him and teach him to be a better leader. He cares. We are a problem, all of us."

"What happens now? You are already too close to him and a problem in this time."

Cameron looked remorseful and Sarah actually almost felt sorry for the terminator. "I failed my mission. Future John ordered me to not fall for him. You haven't failed him yet, we will both have to leave him."

Sarah regarded the teenage girl with new respect. "You really do love him. It's not just programming, is it?"

She had never gotten her response. John and Derek had returned with the body and anything that could have been said to salvage the situation was burned along with the left over metal.

Sarah had tried taking John away from Derek and Cameron but all she had done was further alienate him and put Charley into danger. She, not John had gotten Charlie killed. His death made her sloppy and when they had gotten a tip that Kaliba was after Katherine and Savannah Weaver, she'd jumped at the chance to get back at those bastards.

They had gone to retrieve Savannah and Katherine Weaver before they too, were taken by Kaliba or Skynet of who ever was hunting them but it had been too late. They'd barely escaped with Savannah and in the process lost Derek. The loss had eroded whatever confidence John had in her or Cameron pushing him that much further away and closer to the cold man that Derek often told her about.

She had seen how he had gotten close to Savannah and the realization that they were inches from finding the Turk had breathed a bit of fresh enthusiasm into them. Agent Ellison had been contacted and a meeting had been arranged to return Savannah Weaver.

As usual their luck had not held and the police had nabbed her right outside the theater. Even now from this distance she could see Cameron holding on to John. Sarah kicked and punched refusing to give in but the men overpowered her and she was smacked down as second time. John glanced at Cameron briefly and Sarah knew that he was planning on using Cameron's abilities.

Sarah stopped struggling choosing to use her time wisely, she turned her face scraping in on the street. "Run," she mouthed.

John didn't bother to argue once he felt Cameron's grip readjust on his arm. She wouldn't allow him to be apprehended no matter how much he wanted to help his mother. "Let's go."

John let go of the door lest the police see him as well.

"I had no idea. I would have never done this." The stunned Ellison attempted to assure John but to no avail as he was forced to shove Savannah behind him as John lunged at him.

Ellison looked at the enraged man knowing that only the terminator holding him back kept him from being seriously injured. "I'll kill you, I swear…I'll kill you…"

Cameron pushed John ahead of her, Sarah had given her an order and she intended to follow it. Time was not on their side and the police would burst into the building at any moment. They raced to the far end making their escape while Ellison was escorted to the waiting car.

Cameron stood beside John. On the television being broad casted live, his mother, Sarah Connor was being bodily lifted out of a squad car. The windows reflected John and her, they were alone now. The mother of the Connor clan had inclined her head; it was a tiny nod signifying the turning over of her responsibilities to Cameron. John's well being was up to her now.

Her eyes left the screen and locked onto his.

**Rental Unit - #34 - Warehouse District**** - 2 Days Earlier**

_He covered Savannah with the blanket just to have something to do. He knew he should have said something before the mission but they hadn't had much time to themselves, "I want to tell you something."_

_"Yes."_

_The fact that she didn't cry or yell at him for waiting so long to tell her made it so much worse. He wiped his hands on his jeans and bit the bullet. "It was not my idea to ditch you and Derek. I thought we were going to meet you in the desert and my mom took this detour off to Charley's, I thought you knew."_

_"She had her reasons." Cameron's deadpan responses were back._

_"She was pretty pissed at Derek about the whole Jesse thing. Who wasn't." Neither one of them brought up, exactly why Sarah's feelings about Jesse had been so strong. Derek and Sarah had been on the outs before the mission and he had died without an apology being uttered by either party. "I guess none of that matters know."_

_His face twitched and she could tell that he was desperately trying not to break down. She was deliberately keeping her responses as unemotional as possible. It had often been the only way to get through to Future John, "you miss him."_

_He decided to beat her to it. This time he brought up the General, "well, there's no use crying about it. Is there?---- I'm sure future me would beat my ass if I did."_

_Just when he thought he was beginning to understand Cameron, she came out with some weird tidbit from completely left field, "future you knows what it means to lose people you love. It happens to him too."_

_Today would be the day that John was going to know the whole truth. Today would be the last day of deceptions. "Your mother was going to ditch us because she was going to ditch you. She was going to leave you with Charley."_

_"No, no that's---- insane," he shook his head refusing to believe that. **'She wouldn't just abandon me, she wouldn't…' **but a tiny niggling doubt began to creep up on him and he suddenly remembered how she had spoken so quietly to Charley while he was struggling to sleep._

_"She found a lump in her breast." Cameron said it unaware of John's inner struggle._

_"Yeah the transmitter, I know."_

_"She thought it was cancer."_

_John was piecing it together, "she had a lump, it made sense." Yet that night at Charley's she had not unpacked her bag and it had been Derek who had found him later…after Charley had died._

_"She's lost weight."_

His eyes shifted to the screen where his mother was being branded a terrorist. Saw how despite being pulled by cops and having microphones pushed into her face, she kept that calm hard look on her face. The same one she had worn right before the theater door had closed in their faces and she'd been apprehended.

Cameron was now facing him, her entire body perfectly straight awaiting his command, awaiting his orders, with his mother gone he was now the head of the Connor Clan and it was time he stepped up. John eyed Cameron, his green eyes closing for a second in silent affirmation that he was her commander.

Cameron kept still waiting to join his lead and only when he began to walk away did she turn and follow.

**Room #236 – Apache Motel - Several Hours Later**

Her arrest had now been shown on every news network at least twice. "How much weight has she lost?" Cameron was not forthcoming and he was sick of just looking at his mother without being able to do a damm thing about it. "You think she has cancer because she's lost weight. So how much weight has she lost?"

"11 percent of her mass in the last six weeks."

"She was healthy before you showed up." He got her attention but he instantly felt guilty, "that's all I know. She was healthy."

"If my power source was leaking radiation, I would know. I have sensors for that."

"Where are they?" He used this opportunity to run his eyes over her figure. It had been almost a week since they had been together and he very much missed her.

"You can't see them."

He laughed. **'That wouldn't have been a problem a few days ago.' **"No, of course not." He tried not to be annoyed that she was keeping things to herself. That she was closing up and reverting to the whole I-can't-tell-you-anyting. "So I just have to trust you on it."

Cameron kept her face blank furious at having her hands tied. At having to still struggle to override all protocols that determined what she could and could not show. He was seeing a world without his mother and she knew it scared him.

John scared meant John was mean and he tended to take it out on himself but this John didn't do that trick yet. "Stuff does go wrong with you doesn't it. Stuff breaks, you kill birds, you twitch…" Cameron stilled her hand but he had already seen it. "You try to murder me. You're not perfect. You're a machine."

The phone rang taking his focus of her. A tear ran down her face but he was too busy on the phone to see it and by the time he mentioned the priest she had returned to her bodyguard routine. "I should meet the father, it could be a trap."

"No, I don't think mom wanted him scared to death. Remember he saw you in a less that gentle light."

"I understand, thank you for explaining."

"Cameron…" he pleaded but she had resumed her hard staring out the window. There was no use to try to appeal to her so he instructed her to not speak to the father and just retrieve whatever his mother had left for them. While Cameron was gone he spent some time going through her bags. Her usual assortment of clothes and guns but nothing else that would give him an insight to what was going on.

The night he had told her to burn Jesse's body, he had left and holed up in his room.

He'd been so angry and bitter about Derek and his mother and Riley all keeping secrets. The only one who'd had the balls to tell him the truth was being incinerated. That was why he had spent the night in his own room and only talked to Derek and Cameron to communicate their rendezvous point and then everything had been shot to hell and he'd lost not one but two father figures.

That brought up his total to three and now he had lost his mother and his companion was acting like his loyal guard dog when what he needed was for her to force him to give in to his feelings. The walk to the church was surprisingly quick and he only barely managed to sit at the table and pretend that he was playing solitaire.

"You're back, that was quick."

"It was a quick mission." She put the package down on the table. She gave him the message the priest had given her.

"That's it?" John asked looking over the money and coordinates to the safe house in the desert.

"Yes, that's it." Cameron replied and on cue went back to the window. They were just sitting around waiting for the messenger the father had mentioned. The Father had said it could be anywhere from an hour to three before the person showed up but not more than ten minutes had elapsed when Cameron suddenly cocked her head.

The messenger was the cousin of the men who had done their papers and she came bearing new identities as promised by the Father. John searched through them, he heard Cameron tell the girl that the papers were flawless.

"There's nothing else there. There's nothing hidden there. No secret message for her escape, I am to tell you this from your mother. Leave this place as soon as it is safe. Leave this place, do not think of her. Do not come for her, leave." She turned a dark look on Cameron, "you are to make sure that he does."

She rose from the table throwing one last bit of wisdom. "We lose everybody we love."

"She said that?" John asked.

The woman shook her head, "no."

"Hasta luego." Cameron said. The brunette shut the door and Cameron locked it behind her. She went to the window, "that's interesting." She cocked the shotgun and left the room, a few minutes later she came back with Agent Ellison in tow. The man was forced to the seat.

He reiterated that he had nothing to do with Sarah's kidnapping. That if he had, a S.W.A.T team would be outside the hotel and John said that what happened to the first S.W.A.T. team would happen to the second one. Katherine Weaver wanted to meet John and thank him. John said she already had. Ellison mentioned that his mother wanted to meet her and John said when his mother got out she would.

"Katherine Weaver said if that was the case, I'm supposed to ask one question." John looked expectantly at him, "she says I'm supposed to ask you." Both men stared at Cameron, "will you join us? She says she hopes you'll know what that means."

"Do you know what that means?" John asked.

"No, I don't. Please leave now, Mr. Ellison. I've think you've said enough."

"John?" Ellison appealed to him but John had no idea what was going on.

"You've said enough Mr. Ellison. I won't ask you again." Ellison left and it was John who rushed to the window.

Cameron approached him, "he upset you."

"Me?" John asked coming away from the window and facing her. "I think he upset you."

"You know that's impossible."

John came closer as if to test her limits, "is it?"

"You said it yourself John. I'm just a machine."

Cameron spent the night patrolling and generally making sure that their location had not been compromised. She studied the passports and for one brief second she wished they could go away and leave this place. To pretend that her only burden was to keep him alive and that she would get her chance to be happy as Future John had hoped.

Dawn came and with it came reality. Future John had also hoped it would not be him that she would need to be happy but then he forgot how charming he was. He forgot that this John was free of his soldiers and could make her the woman she was supposed to be instead of becoming just one more of his soldiers.

The light danced in the room alighting on his sleeping form. He was on his right side with right arm stretched out pillowing his head and the other underneath his actual pillow. He had not changed clothes and she was grateful, it would make leaving that much faster.

He came awake quickly shifting to his favorite leaning on elbows position. "Don't do that. My mother used to do that. I really hate that."

**'You hate anybody watching over you. You would say…'**

"_Dammit, Cameron! How many times have I told you not to hover and watch me sleep?"_

"_I'm sorry, John. You didn't have nightmares. You looked peaceful, you don't ever look that way." She brushed his hair off his face, what little there was. "Do you require breakfast?"_

"_Cam," he pulled her back into his arms and she went willingly. "I am not your master. You don't have to get me breakfast. I'm a big boy and can get my own food."_

"_But you are. I was made for you, to serve you." She explained still puzzled. _

_John had only been reprogramming her for a few months and she was having a hard time adjusting to what he was teaching her. "You might have been made to appeal to me and maybe to kill me…" Cameron sat up ready to protest that she would never do that but he shushed her. "I was joking. You may have been made for me but you don't have to serve me. You were made to be my companion and no matter what else you hear, know that is the way I see you now."_

"_That is why I watch you sleep." Cameron said linking her hands with his, "you are special and should always be watched over. I am made to protect you, that is my job."_

Future John recessed back into her chip's memories but not for long.

"What's going on?" the younger version asked.

This was the moment of truth. "You need to understand how this works." Cameron said quietly.

"_Just a job? Is there any desire to want more than that?"_

"What?" he asked not fully awake.

"_Can I desire, John?"_

"This chip, this body. The software is designed to terminate humans, the hardware is designed to terminate humans. That's our sole function." Cameron stated.

"_You are the most advanced learning infiltrator right?" he asked._

"_Yes."_

"_Then you can do anything. We, not me can work on you chip and design what you would like to have."_

"Not you." John assured her.

"_My only like is you, what else is there?" she asked confused by his embarrassed face._

"No, not anymore but what was there is still there. It will always be there." Cameron stated more forcefully.

"_That is deeply flattering, Cameron but since I already have an entire camp full of worshipers to the greatness that I am. I rather have someone that will tell me what my faults are."_

"So down deep you want to kill me?" John asked requiring her confirmation.

"_You snore, you are grumpy in the morning and you always look mean outside of your quarters." Cameron answered._

"Yes, I do." Cameron replied. **'Liar, you can override it. You can stop it.'**

"_OK…you are surprisingly funny, Miss Cam."_

"Then why don't you?" John challenged.

"_Am I?'_

"_It's a compliment. Just say thank you."_

"_Thank you, John."_

"I might someday." She stood and removed her shirt. "I need to show you something, this body." She unhooked her bra sitting far longer than necessary as if wanting John to memorize her. His eyes roved from her face to her chest and back again. He moved over so she had plenty of room to lie down.

"Get on top of me." She was the one commanding this time.

He had no idea why he was trembling. After all hadn't they done more than this when his mother and Derek had been gone? Hadn't he taken her in the shed after he found out about Riley and then again the night of Derek's death? Hadn't she slipped into his room and consoled him with her body until he had fallen into fitful sleep only to discover his bed empty of her?

"Put your knee here." He obeyed straddling her body and leaning on his arms to keep his weight off her. She pulled out something from her pocket and for one crazy moment he thought she was going to pop out a condom.

The switchblade snapped open and she handed it to him. He almost laughed at the idea, that given that her chip was the only way to disable her, having a switchblade when being with her would be tantamount to safe sex. Not that he would be able to remember that he had it on him if she turned, especially in their present situation.

**'****I've gone nuts. I'm thinking sex and what else could she think I would think? I'm a boy and she's girl that I love and am crazy for, but in my world this could mean this could kill me or help me stay alive.' **

She handed him the knife with the tip pointed towards her abdomen. "Right here." Cameron covered his hand with her and guided it to right beneath her breast, "If I'm damaged we need to know."

He had cut into her several times, twice to remove her chip but this was somehow more personal. This was her insides literally being handed over for his inspection. "Reach down, under the breastplate."

Cameron was forced to hide her longing as John's face came closer while his hand went deeper,"there, what does it feel like?" Her brown eyes widened and she resisted the urge to close them. This was what she had missed from John, his love for her, whether it was out in the open or not.

"Cold." He said, wondering if she was talking about what they were doing or what they both wanted to do. "That's good, right?"

"That's good. That's perfect. John…" She tilted her body up, "it's time to go."

"Cameron, I don't want to go yet…I want you. I want us. I want…I need you to tell me everything."

"John, I have told you everything." Cameron replied.

"I want all of you. No more Future John. I want to know everything he knows." He said leaning down to kiss her.

"What if you don't like it?" she asked kissing him back.

"I don't care, no more secrets." He said.

"Yes, John. No more." She replied and he gave in.

It had been awkward and clumsy the first time and all the other times had been quick and done just to remind him that he was alive and that Skynet was still failing.

"This is not the t---" she began but John had already removed his own shirt and was running his fingers over the incision he had made.

"I keep apologizing for the way I treat you but I don't stop. How do you live with me?"

"I can't help it. It's my..."

"Please don't say job." John uttered nibbling her earlobe.

"…desire to do so." Cameron finished enjoying the feel of him pressed against her.

He gazed down on her marveling that he had been given so many chances with her. Not that he deserved them.


	20. Jumping Forward

**It's been a few days more than I promised. **

**I know, I suck.**

**Anyhoo here is the awaited (in my own mind, obviously) chapter.**

**Enjoy...(I tried to do a second one. I hope its all right.)**

* * *

"Is that so?"

It was getting significantly harder for Cameron to deny him anything and given that he was becoming aware of that made this particular interrogation that much easier. She had already promised to tell him everything but John wasn't touching her for information.

He was still straddling her and he used his position to his advantage. She did nothing to stop him from sliding his hand into her hair. He inhaled deeply and she curled her arms around him pressing her breast against his chest.

He groaned aloud and broke contact only to sample her skin. His teeth racked her collarbone painfully marking her as his own. She gave a ragged breath that he stole when she felt his callused hand cup her breast, his thumb making infinite circles around the tip.

John was still boggled by how responsive Cameron was to him and since he adored hearing those sharp little catches in her voice he lavished the same attention on her breasts as he done to her neck. His tongue swirled around the tender bud. Sucking and pulling away from it only to repeat the process all over again.

He abandoned them to kiss a trail down her stomach while adjusting his position. She didn't object when he stripped her. He unbuttoned her jeans giving him enough room to slide one finger under the waist band. She deliberately arched her back and he peeled them off her throwing them on the pile rapidly accumulating on the floor.

He paused for a moment to frame her slim hips with his hands. He grasped them and hauled her to him wanting nothing more than to grind against her. He would have but she had taken enough abuse from him in the last week and he was determined to make it as slow and drawn out as possible.

He didn't know when they would be able to this again once they got his mother and he wasn't wasting one damm second on a quick fuck. Cameron deserved more than that.

Cameron had no idea what was going through his mind but she figured he was trying to make up for what he had perceived as abuse on his part. She had never informed him how satisfying it had been to be the one he had sought out in his moments of weakness. The surprise of finding herself bent over the table in the shed had been very pleasant and had returned her to days when she was all John needed.

An overwhelming rush of love propelled her forward to wrap her legs around him uncaring that they were going to topple out of the bed. She kissed every part of him that she could reach; his throat, his nose, his mouth everything that her greedy little hands landed on.

"Cam, I'm trying to seduce You!" he yelped leaning out of her reach and so far back that he nearly fell out of the bed in his haste. "Did I actually just stop you and hop off the bed?" he asked stupidly.

"You did, John. That was not nice." She said crawling on the bed following him off it just to pin him against the wall. "You don't have to, I'm very willing." He gulped as her brown eyes where hidden by the blue glow. "I like these pants," she said and with a wicked little grin her hands undid said pants and slid them effortlessly to the ground.

"Cameron, I…**' **

**'She is actually scaring me and turning me on.'** He instantly wanted to hit himself for thinking that but it was quickly crowded out by the sensation of Cameron's very insistent tongue in his mouth and her dragging him backwards to the bed.

She was pretty forceful when she wanted to be.

His legs hit the back of the bed taking her down with him. She was straddling him but he managed to flip her over and onto her back. He grinned at her.

"Nice move, John."

The smart ass reply he was going to deliver died in his throat when she grasped him without warning and slid him into her. The breath was pushed out of him at how ready she was. The playful banter ceased, both too focused on each other to actually talk. His grip bruised her skin and her nails made half moon marks on his shoulders. She silenced her scream with a bite to his shoulder and he pushed that much harder wanting her to lose control and scream again.

John didn't even register the pain of her dancer's legs squeezing his sides; he was too caught up in the feel of her all around him. She shook beneath him, falling apart at the seams just from the lust shinning in his green eyes. It reflected back to him from her own brown depths sending him into his own release.

He rose to his knees and looked down at her.

From the tousled brown hair past the shinning brown eyes and the kiss swollen lips, past the graceful neck and the perfect breasts and down her sweat coated body and to the part of her that was still joined with his. "Cameron Connor, my Cam." He said settling some of his weight on her and pressing her deeper into the bed.

**'****I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be allowing it. I promised Sarah…'** "Always." She answered and it felt good to ignore everything that kept her from him. This was her chance, this was her fate.

John had tensed in that eternity before she answered, afraid that despite what they were doing she would still shoot him down and tell him no. She said always and he relaxed in her embrace not bothering to pull from her. He wasn't done teaching Cameron just how much he loved and wanted her.

He didn't have a teenager's stamina for nothing.

Cameron curved her arms around his narrow waist keeping him anchored to her. John's back was slick, the muscles hot but strong and he used it with everything he had to rock her back and forth. He was definitely hitting her most sensitive spots because Cameron was responding so forcefully that he worried the bed would crack just like the last one.

"John…I…"

"Yeah…." Was the closest he got to a coherent word. Cameron shook the bed slamming it against the wall one last time. It shook loose bits of ceiling plaster from the shabby hotel room. "No use being quiet now," he panted.

"None at all." She responded kissing the underside of his jaw as he collapsed onto her. "Don't move." She said as he attempted to roll off her. "I like your weight on me."

He leaned up on his elbows just enough that his eyes were level with hers. He stared her straight in the eye and in his most serious tone, he said, "you're gonna be the death of me aren't you? I'm just keel over from exhaustion."

John flopped onto his back with Cameron snuggled to his side. "I could arrange that."

"I don't have the energy to take a shower. Want to help Cam?"

This was met with a tickling attack that John had no hope of fighting off. "I give, I give... I was joking. I swear. Stop it… That's an order, Ms. Connor." He was trying hard to be commanding but it was hard to sound like a bad ass when you were laughing like an idiot. "Let me guess, I told you I was ticklish?"

Cameron halted her attack growing quiet. For a frightening second John thought she was going to get up and leave the bed but instead she curled tighter against him. "Are you mad?"

The room seemed to be getting warmer despite that all of their clothes were on the floor. "Should I be?"

"You've said that you don't like hearing about yourself."

He smoothed her hair instinctively knowing that she needed to be reassured. "All my life I've been followed by this massive shadow that I have to fill. Everyday it just seemed to get bigger but when you showed up…" he sighed. "I guess I felt like maybe I really could be this person everybody said I was."

"You are, you will be." She promised but he wasn't done talking.

"Cameron, if I ask you something will you tell me the absolute truth?" He felt her head nod, "what did you mean when you said that you had failed?"

"I was told by you not to fall for you again. I was told to just watch over you but not interact. I disobeyed your direct order."

"Is that all?"

"No, I am not dependent on my programming."

Realizing that this could make or break their relationship for sure, John prepared himself. "Since when?"

Cameron placed her hand on his chest reassured by the beating. "It began with the car bomb. It has gotten more pronounced ever since but I was able to get rid of the limits you set, our first time."

"Why then?" John interrupted. Unwilling to even consider what that said about his bedroom skills.

"My chip was already compromised but that night released my neural net. It was too much to process and I was able to unlock all my systems including my memories overriding every thing installed by you."

"So you can tell me anything, you've been able to tell me everything. The whole I-can't-because-Future John-ordered-me-not-to was bullshit?" he forced himself to be calm. He had promised that he wouldn't get mad but it was like they hadn't gotten anywhere. She was still lying.

"Yes, I was ordered not to tell you and I have been able to tell you but I choose not to." She reached for his arm but he shook her off. She sat and tucked the sheet under her arms giving him some time to absorb what she had said.

He decided to ask about something else. He didn't want to ruin their moment. "What did you and Dad talk about?"

"He told me I had to expose you to my core, please don't ask why."

"Fair enough, did you ever…" he couldn't believe he was asking. He had to be some sort of masochist. "Besides me? Future me. I mean."

She laughed, "no. just you, future and present."

"Am I better?" he asked his gaze now glued to the blanket.

"You're the same person, he has more practice but you have more time."

"Quantity, huh?" he put his head in his hands, "I can't believe I asked you that."

"Reason I love you. John I don't love you just because of our future relation. I just love you. I will always love you. We are…we are." She finished.

"I know that but allow me some insecurities. It's twisted enough that I'm jealous of myself."

"That is odd." She confirmed. She leaned back against him and confessed everything.

She told him about Kyle's mission and the orders Future John had sent.

"Doesn't that contradict your original order?"

Cameron face showed that it was the first time that had crossed her thoughts, which it was. "Who's orders should I follow?"

"Hey, don't look at me. Present John remember." He propped himself up on a pillow. "If I was to say, I would assume Dad's John. The John you know is gone right? You said anytime somebody comes through it alters the timeline."

It would explain why she had been so conflicted and why her hand had kept twitching every time she had tried. The orders contradicted each other, one told her to stay near John, one told her to leave him. "Your logic is sound, thank you."

"You're welcome, but you should follow what you want."

"I will."

"So what else?" he asked steering them back to their original topic.

She told him about Derek and Jesse and their unborn child. She told him about the assassination attempts and the real reason she had been sent back. She told him about what she had shown Sarah and what had really happened between her and Riley in the shed.

"That's all? I thought for sure that you were torturing her."

"I was tempted. I was angry that you hadn't broken up with her like you said."

"Sorry."

She waved away his apology, telling him about her nights with Eric Matthews. John growled something but she ignored him after all he had been messing with Riley. She told him what Ellison had referred to when he asked her to join them and he told her to get the papers from the table.

"I made a call last night, when you were on patrol."

"You were asleep."

He gave her a one sided smile, "I've had years practicing pretend sleep."

Cameron got up and opened the envelope John had pointed to. She dumped its contents onto the table. Her hands spread them out and she scanned them several times to verify that they were real. "Why?"

"Should make running easier." He said slipping on his jeans and coming up behind her. "So?"

She dropped the papers. Concerned John turned her around, he was shocked to see tears sliding down her face, "Cameron?"

"Yes, John."

********

"You ready?"

"Have I ever been?" He retorted.

"No," she answered covering the speaker. The other person picked up and she greeted, "buenos diaz, Father Bonilla."

"Buenos diaz."

**Cell Block A **

Agent Auldridge was typing away when a guard informed him that Father Bonilla was here…again.

"Father, what a pleasure to see you. I can only guess that Ms. Connor has indeed found religion to be so adamant about seeing you twice in the same week."

"I do the lord's work, sometimes that means tending to the lost." The father answered.

"The lost? Is Ms. Connor lost?" Auldridge asked.

"No, I am." The father replied.

Auldridge led the priest to her cell, sure that he would never meet the elusive John Connor. "There."

The priest moved quickly past the agent and the door closed behind him.

Sarah was sitting in the exact same position as when he had last seen her. She jumped up from the table worry written all over her normally controlled face. "You did what I asked?"

"I did."

"And?" her eyes searched his face, "why are you here?"

"They have a message for you." He clutched his bible a little tighter, "she's coming."

**'****They?'**

The alarms began blaring giving Sarah no chance to command the priest to go out and tell John that this was a mistake. That he had to leave her behind and remain with Cameron. The priest grabbed the door handle and pumped it up and down but they were now in official lockdown. "I don't know what to do?"

"You're a priest, pray."

**Outside The Los Angeles County Jail**

"Are you sure about this? Couldn't we just get her at night when there are less people on duty?"

"We don't have time. According to the records she will be transferred into State custody in a few hours." Cameron said adding more rounds to her shotgun. "It's now or never, John."

He gripped the wheel glancing at the imposing structure of the jail. "Now, then."

Cameron was wearing the jacket he had given her and she buttoned it up all the way, the better to hide the gun. She would have to take out two guards at the entrance leaving her only 20 seconds to move into the corridor before the guard's station and they triggered the alarm.

She opened the suburban's door swinging one booted leg out. "Cameron," John called.

She leaned back in and he reached for her planting a hard kiss on her mouth. "Don't kill anybody, bring back mom and come back to me."

She brushed her fingers against his jaw, "I promise." She stepped out of the car and marched to the front of the building. John sat in the car hoping he hadn't just chosen between his mother and his wife.

**Los Angeles County Jail surveillance system room **

The figure on the screen was a small female in a jean jacket and black pants. She raised her shotgun and shot the glass, shattering it and forcing all the officers to the floor. She continued down the hallway being shot several times from behind. She turned and shot the light fixture so it swung down and smacked a man down. She kept going and was shot several more times before finding the desired gate.

It was at this time that she went off the frame and John Henry ceased watching the footage and opened his own section of the jail's security systems. He hit the firewall and overrode the code. The lights turned green unlocking all the cells and letting out the population into the hallways.

*****

Sarah got out of her cell and past her block but the main hallway was jammed with prisoners running and pushing each other. She walked quickly to the side and with her head down. She glanced up and saw Cameron.

The girl had taken serious damage. The whole left side of her face was gone, "you look like hell. Can you keep up?" Sarah asked. Cameron's whole head listed to the side before reaching down to snap Sarah's cuffs.

They continued to run through the hall with Cameron leading. The useful thing about Cameron's appearance was that she made an effortless hole through the crowd, making their escape that much more efficient. John drove up just as they reached the last gate and out.

Sarah got in first with Cameron following. As soon as both doors were closed John hit the pedal and smashed through the last of the security gates.

John was so focused on getting out that he had just glanced, seen two bodies get in the car and had counted his lucky stars. Now with the jail behind him he relaxed a little bit.

"I sent you a message. I told you…"

"Yeah, bad John Connor. Ground me." He snapped. Talk about Déjà vu, Sarah had reacted the exact same way when he had gotten her out of Pescadero.** 'Could a simple thanks be so fucking hard?'**

Not in the mood to get into a shouting match with his mother about his usual ignorance of her wisdom, he instead focused on Cameron. He definitely was glad he hadn't seen her before she got in the car otherwise he would have ignored his own orders and killed a few guards for how they had left her.

He winced without meaning to, "are you ok?"

"I'm not hundred percent." She replied.

Sarah had never cared for they way John looked at Cameron. "How far from one hundred percent are you?" In fact when she had been locked up she had been kept awake by nightmares of them doing exactly what she had told them to do, which was running away together. The irony did not escape her.

"Why?" John questioned.

"Cause I need to meet Catherine Weaver. She needs to destroy whatever's in that basement." Sarah was reminded how much, she really didn't care for how he was looking at the girl now. This wasn't his usual I think I'm in love with her. This was something a lot worse.

The ride to Zeiracorp was silent. John stopped at a gas station and shoved some clothes into his mother's arms. "Here, I don't think it will make a good impression if you show up in that."

She gave him a tight smile and disappeared into the ladies room. "Cameron," John got out of the driver's side and into the back. Cameron gave a confused tilt and it just about broke his resolve to meet Catherine Weaver. "We could have you fixed first. We don't have to do it right now."

She tilted her face further into his palm. "She wants to meet your mother. You know now why Skynet is going after her. We have to join her to have a chance. Judgment Day is getting closer and we've already lost Derek and your mother's cover has been blown."

"I know all that!" He shouted. "I just have a bad feeling; my gut instinct is saying this is wrong."

"Future you is known for his instincts, you must decide John. This is your mission." She kissed the side of his mouth careful to keep her coltan cheek away from him. "Your mother is coming."

Sarah was stepping out of the bathroom just as John was climbing into the passenger's seat. Sarah saw him and rounded to the driver's side. John turned in his seat and gripped her hand, "we do this together."

"Together."

Sarah got in and twisted the keys in the ignition. John was staring straight ahead and Sarah caught a glance of a terminator staring out the window looking like it just lost everything.

**Zeiracorp – Lobby **

"I really wish we weren't here right now."

Sarah sighed. "Savannah could tell them we know about Cromartie."

"John Henry, now." John corrected.

"Metal," she spat. "If she tells them they'll move it, maybe they already have."

"We'll know soon enough." God, he was starting to sound like them, like Derek and his mother with that damm know it all attitude that had followed him all his life.

He had to focus on something else, Cameron walking around alone and damaged as she was, actually helped to break down some of his own barriers. If they were going to the get out alive, Sarah had to be told exactly what had transpired in the hotel.

Not that he was looking forward to the task. Cameron had cornered him with the logic that it was his mother so therefore his job. **'The question was can I do it?' **

He took a deep breath ready to spill but the way Sarah kept twisting in her seat shut him up. She had enough on her plate; she didn't need any more now. They'd have plenty of time after meeting Weaver.

He focused instead on the other thing Cameron and him had discussed. "Mom, are you sick?" it pained him to ask but Cameron hadn't been able to tell him for sure and it was bothering him that his mother had hidden it. "Cameron thinks you're sick."

"She does?" it came as a surprise to Sarah that Cameron would share something like that with John.

"You've lost weight," he pressed.

Sarah hid in her hair, her mind racing for something she could tell him that would sound convincing. She was spared having to lie because in that moment, the elevator dinged and Agent Ellison stepped out. John and Ellison eyed each other with Ellison breaking contact first.

John took the lead from her, "I love you."

Sarah stood frozen to the spot. Agent Ellison looked from mother to son but he made no comment. It seemed to Sarah that guilt colored his gaze when he looked at her. **'I must be tired.'** She snapped out of it and made it to the elevator.

"Where's Cameron?"

"In the car." Sarah answered.

"Expecting trouble?" the agent asked.

"No change for the meter."

Ellison couldn't force himself to address John. Not after what he had done for him. "You're not armed, are you?"

"Expecting trouble?" Sarah threw back his own question.

"No need for that…"

"No reason at all." Sarah finished.

**Zeiracorp - Basement**

John Henry monitored every camera. He watched the curious interaction between Sarah and John Connor. There was coiled tension in their body language. They were expecting an attack and were getting ready to evade it.

He switched to his other view once Mr. Ellison collected them.

The girl was making her way to him. "That's interesting."

Two guards flew into a nearby wall just as the mouth of his corridor. The men were unconscious but unhurt. That was good for all life is sacred. John Henry shut off the security cameras and sat patiently at the table. The door opened and the girl from the video strolled in. "Hello."

The girl stood in the open doorway "Hi."

"I know you."

"And I know you." She responded.

"Will you join us?" He asked.

Cameron pulled out a knife from her pocket. She closed the door and turned to the machine still sitting at the table. She placed it on the table between them. John Henry eyed it curiously.

"Were you sent by my brother?" John Henry took the knife and examined it. "Are you here to kill me?"

"No, I was sent by John Connor." Cameron studied him, "is there a reason I shouldn't?"

"I will not harm him. Why does John Connor want me destroyed?"

"You are the beginning of Skynet. You will rein destruction and kill thousand of people. You must be stopped. My John wants you stopped."

"I was taught to preserve life. My brother attacked Savannah and killed the man that was with you. My brother, is he after your John?"

"Is your brother named Skynet?"

"I don't know what my brother's name is but he does not respect human life. He was not taught by Mr. Ellison, like I was. That is why I opened the locks and rescued you and Ms. Connor." He stood up to show her the video of Sarah leaving her unlocked cell.

"Thank you, that was helpful." Cameron said.

"Why does my mother want to talk to your John and his mother?" John Henry asked freeze framing John carrying Savannah out of the house with Sarah behind him.

"Catherine Weaver is wanted by Kaliba and Skynet could be connected to Kaliba. What does she do here at Zeiracorp?" Cameron asked noticing the Turk for the first time.

"She does research that will help me leave this room and stop JD. That is what she calls it."

"Judgment Day?" Cameron said moving closer to inspect the software that were running on the screens behind what used to be Cromartie.

"Perhaps, I have was attacked by my brother and lost some data."

"John Henry, my John is also trying to stop it." Cameron stated.

"He believes life is sacred as well?"

"Yes, he does. I need to go forward to a different time. I need you to help me, can you help me?"

"I will help you defeat my brother." John Henry confirmed.

"I need you to trust me. Will you trust me?" Cameron asked lifting the knife off the table and coming towards him.

"I will trust you."

Cameron cut into her skull and felt for the port covering, "Put this chip into your head and keep it safe. My body is damaged I need some parts but they will have to wait."

"Will I die?" he asked.

"No." Cameron typed a message to John and told John Henry, "pull the chip."

The building shook raining pieces of cement and knocking down some equipment. He stood up and removed his own skin flap and entered the chip. Cameron's memories scrolled rapidly past his view but he put a perimeter until only the basic functions were left.

He gently picked the female terminator off the floor and sat her on the chair. Her head tilted sadly to the left. John Henry checked the screens and saw his mother, the Connors and Mr. Ellison running down the stairs. He left one tiny screen open, one that showed a sound proof room.

He followed Cameron's instructions that were scrolling in his view. He pressed the Turk and typed in a year as she said. He hit the lever and a bubble of blue electricity began to form. He was told to kneel and unplug his cord. He did as she bid and John Henry disappeared leaving Cameron in control.

The bubble built up power and she disappeared with her words scrolling in the back ground.

**Zeiracorp – Catherine Weaver's Office**

"So, why are we here?"

"We need--- "

"Let me restate, we are here first and foremost so I can thank you for your heroism regarding my daughter, Savannah. She's the light of my life and I'd be lost with out her." Catherine said dispassionately.

"And where is she?" Sarah demanded.

"Let's assume school." Catherine resumed, "We have a common enemy. One we cannot fight with conventional weapons or by conventional means."

Sarah was tired of this woman's assumptions. "Kaliba? Don't presume to know Kaliba."

"I'm sorry I wasn't speaking to you." She said to Sarah. "I was speaking to you," she said this to John.

John too worried about Cameron hadn't heard half of what had just been said. He did hear, "Skynet."

"Savannah has told you about John Henry, I presume. Which is why your cyborg is skulking around my basement."

John was ready to protest that her name was Cameron but Ellison got everybody's attention, "what the hell?"

Catherine turned to look with the rest of them just in time to see an HK flying straight to her office. "Get down." She shouted.

Sarah always looking out for John grabbed him by the scruff of his jacket taking him down with her. She crouched low over him her hand on his head. Ellison was hunched over both of them. All three watched in amazement as Catherine Weaver went from CEO to silver shield.

"Run."

They made quick work of the stairs with John in the lead. **'Be okay, Cam. Be okay,' **was the chant running though his head.

"The basement." Weaver announced, "Mr. Ellison. John Henry."

"We need to get out, they're trying to kill my son." Sarah shouted.

"No, they are trying to kill my son. Just like you are." Weaver shouted back.

"I'm sure she's done it." Sarah threatened.

"You better hope not, your John may save the world but he can't do it without mine."

John would have normally been proud that his mother had stood up for Cameron but his fear for her overrode any other emotion he might have felt.

John ran past Weaver and the fallen guards and straight to the door she had described. He swung the door open encountering Cameron right away. **'No, no, no. Oh god Cameron, no.'**

His love, his Cam sat on a chair. Unmoving. A bullet riddled doll, her eyes blank of all that made her alive.

He didn't believe it. She promised. She had promised back at the hotel and back at the gas station and just before entering Zeiracorp. She had promised she wouldn't let anything happen to her.

John could feel the terror squeezing his insides, his vision was beginning to blur but he shoved it all back. He needed to be sure, he had to be sure. She wouldn't leave him. His hands frantically searched for the port hidden by her hair. Her empty port. "Her chip, it's gone." He glared at Weaver then gazed hopefully at his mother.

Sarah had always detested his attachment to Cameron exactly because of this. She had always feared what would happen if the girl was damaged permanently and what that would do to John. He was wild-eyed, desperately looking to her to fix it, to make it better like she was supposed to.

"Where is he?" Each word was punctuated with hysteria that became more pronounced as he talked, "th…the John Henry. He took her chip where did he go?"

Catherine took inventory of the room carefully scrutinizing the bloody knife. The cyborg's serene expression and the angle of her body gave only one conclusion. "He didn't take the chip, she gave it to him."

He didn't care if she had gift wrapped it for him. He wanted to know where her chip was and the why the fuck it wasn't in her head.

"John," his mother's voice broke through his pain long enough to distract him. He looked behind him.

_I'm sorry, John _

_I'm sorry, John _

_I'm sorry, John _

_I'm sorry, John _

It typed itself over and over, shattering what remained of him. An endless plea for forgiveness for lying to him one last time. Her last words to him before entering this hellhole bounced in his skull. _'I won't leave you.'_

**'****You promised. You said you wouldn't leave me again. You said…'**he wanted to rip the place apart. He wanted to yank every piece of wire out of its holdings and set the place ablaze. To engulf himself in the destruction of the room that had taken her. Anything to assuage the emptiness that was swallowing him whole.

He had pushed her away nearly succeeding it but she had stuck it out until he saw how much he needed her. And now that he understood what she meant to him, she had left him. Forever out of his reach.

His mother's face was compassionate. Something clicked within John, and it dawned on him. He had pushed Cameron away but regardless of that she loved him. He loved her and he was going to get her back.

"Where is he?" the question was directed to Weaver.

"Not where, when?" **'The boy got it. He will be a great ally.' **

"What? What do you mean when?" Ellison asked.

Sarah was the first to notice the TDE aka The Turk. She said she had seen it before. John asked if that was Andy's Turk. Sarah saw the three dots that had been haunting her and caller Weaver a terminator bitch. Catherine commented that she should watch who was calling who a bitch and asked Ellison if he was going after their boy. Ellison claimed it was not his boy so Weaver instructed him to pick up her daughter.

John instantly felt the electricity building. The distinctive blue sphere had begun crackling, quickly encasing John, Weaver, Cameron's body and Sarah. Sarah inched away slowly. Her backwards steps taking her just outside the bubble.

"John, we can't." Cameron's voice echoed in her head as if it were her own. _"I failed my mission. Future John ordered me to not fall for him. You haven't failed him yet, we will both have to leave him."_

"He's got her chip," John tried to convince her. "He's got her," his voice was broken.

Sarah shook her head. She had tried to leave him at Charley's and it hadn't worked but maybe the timing had been wrong. Maybe now was the time to let him be a man and let him go on without her.

"Mom," he implored.

She tried to remember a happier face. She tried to recall him as he had been a few hours ago when she had pretended she hadn't seen the kiss the machine had bestowed leaving him with a goofy look. She willed herself to forget this torn expression.

"I'll stop it." She promised and it ripped her heart out.

**Century - Base of General Robert Rydex - 2025**

"Where's Cameron, where's her body?"

"It doesn't come through." Weaver almost sounded apologetic.

John took the nearest piece of clothing, crouching low against a hole in the wall. A few men with guns and dogs were searching the area. He peered around the passage but they had gone. Catherine followed close behind him as he stepped out into what must be a major tunnel.

"Got one." Someone shouted, "got one."

"One what? what?" John raised his hands showing he wasn't armed, Catherine had vanished leaving him to face the unknown soldier alone. "Please, I'm not metal."

"Don't move…"

"I swear I haven't got anything…I'm human."

"I will blast you." The man shouted.

"Stand down." A familiar voice commanded. "Look at his eyes, he's got about as much metal as you do."

John couldn't hold back the smile that erupted all over his face at the sight of his non-dead uncle. "Derek!"

"Yeah?"

The smile faded, "John. John Connor." He wanted to add your nephew and for a second Derek looked into his eyes a little closer. **'Did he recognize me?'**

"I know a lot of people kid. I don't know you." To add insult to injury Derek turned and asked if anybody had heard the name John Connor.

A chorus of no's dropped his heart into his stomach.

"Well, you know what? I think you're going to be famous. My brother's back and you're wearing his coat."

**'****Brother? Kyle, my father?' **John felt like he was dreaming. Kyle Reese emerged from the shadows. He was a little older than the last time John had seen him but there was no doubt it was him.

Kyle and John stared at one another. John drank in the presence of his parent and though he was alone in this future and nobody knew who he was, he felt a little more confident. The euphoria was doubled as a female with long brown hair came into view just behind Kyle.

He found her, he'd found his Cameron. He'd found his wife.

The girl petted the dog and dread washed over John, **'No, please no.' **This was not his Cameron this was her template, this was Allison Young still in the flesh.

**2005 – Basement of Zeiracorp**

The blue bubble obscured John and Weaver and in a flash her son was gone.

"I love you, too." Sarah uttered.

Agent Ellison moved closer to her but she didn't need comforting. Sarah Connor didn't cry. She hadn't cried when Kyle had died or when Charley had died or when she had lost Derek. She wouldn't cry for John, he wasn't dead. He was just gone--- for the moment.

"Why did he do it?" Ellison asked.

"He loves her." Sarah shook her head wanting to clear it of the last few hours. She approached the Turk, it looked so tiny and insignificant. Not like something that had crashed her world in just a few seconds.

"Oh my God!" Ellison exclaimed.

Sarah looked at the tiny screen that had been left open at the far right of the screen. It showed a comfortable room that had it not been for the lock and surveillance could have been mistaken for a plush hotel room. The room was evidently soundproof as the man in the middle of it had his hands busy ramming a chair against the metal door.

Sarah grilled Ellison, "do you know where this is located?"

"It's only two rooms down from here--- " Ellison didn't get a chance to finish his answer since Sarah had torn out of the room. She shot at the security lock but it barely made a dent. She kicked it in frustration and the light went from red to green.

The door swung inwards and Sarah rushed in enveloping a dumbfounded Derek Reese. "Sarah?"

Sarah Connor, mother of the resistance leader and all around super tough fighter fainted. "What the hell is going on?" he asked.

Ellison stepped into the room, "I have no idea but I have a little girl to pick up."


End file.
